Intermission aka 6 - 7 centimeters

I have been really struggling with the change my agency has imposed. I am prayerful that no matter how this works out- It will be ok and how its meant to be at this time. I have a lot still to do to prepare- and not much time left to do it in- but at this point it feels doable- I always feel like before a big trip- that at some point- what I get done- I get done and what I don't I don’t- I always review- now what is the most important stuff I really need- a plane ticket, a passport, gobs of cash, and the paperwork- that 171h...to be able to get my boys- the rest is icing on the cake.

I plan on visiting several other orphanages as I have been asked to do so for others. If I never see the inside of my boys home- that will be one someone else shoulders. And I will make a point of gathering video footage from others who have traveled before me and those who travel after me whom I believe will be allowed in.

Today we got very complete and reassuring medical reports from CWA. With all of the appropriate testing and the various types of tests listed. They still called Yabsera a girl- but you know you can't have everything! (for those of you who have followed our referrals this has happened a few times! :) and since my kids think Yabsera sounds like a girls name- and in fact in Ethiopia, it commonly is used for a girls name- we will be adding another name- but we can't decide yet.)

I want to share a funny thing my 7 year old said last night. We were talking about how she was born with these little ear nubs and we were comparing it to Yabsera's extra little finger and I told her how this women came up to me in a store and looked at Phoebe as when she was a newborn and said, "Can she hear?" I just didn't understand why on earth she would ask me that- later I realized she probably saw the ear thingys- we had them removed when she was 10 months old. Phoebe said, "Wow! That was kind of rude wasn't it?...I mean I hope people wouldn't come up to us and see Yabsera's extra finger and say, 'can he count?'"

I loved that- ears are for hearing and fingers are for counting to a 1st grader!

I say 6-7 cms because- there is that point in labor when you are in so much pain- when pretty much no one else can do a lot to help you- at that point you turn to Jesus to hold you hand- its a precious time in labor- and you don't get to experience it if you get an epidural- its worth it to me to have seen that. At that point- you hear you are 6 - 7 cms- not quite in transition yet- and you know that you can hang out at 6 cms for a long time...it can be the most excruciating part of the labor. Its when most women ask for pain medication- this point and onward. Feels like I am there. Hard to describe- I asked a few people today if its normal to feel so crummy just a few days before you got to meet your children- the reply was "yes."

And this weekend will be long...leaving Denver by 7:30 Am and not arriving in Addis until Sunday evening. Three days of travel and one sleepy night and then I will hold my babies. That is a moment I long for at this point.

Last Weekend as a Family of 5

Today is our last Saturday together before we jump from 3 kids to 5 kids. We have been at a block party and there were so many many tiny kids- out numbering the adults and on one hand I thought- its nice my kids are all big enough to get their own hamburgers and take walks with their friends- but on the other hand I was longer for my own two babies who are not here with me. People are less and less astounded by what we are doing and much more accepting and so supportive- which is really really good- I need that now just days before I travel. I have been feeling really blue today (you know like the girl in "The Year Without a Santa Clause") and have even shed some of those big claymation tears over the fact that what I have been looking forward to for so many months- the day I meet my sons- will not be at all what I had imagined. Our agency has decided to not allow families into the orphanage to meet their children. Are you shocked? You should be- no other agency in Ethiopia does this. And its happening right before I go. So instead of little Maren- and precious Yabsera, who know nothing but these nannies and this house and these beds- will be brought to our hotel for our first meeting- a place so foreign, to meet people so foreign. We won't meet the nannies who have loved on them or get pictures of them with their nannies- Maren will not be able to show us where he sleeps. I feel so discouraged. Its like I have had this birth plan and someone has said I will have to deliver at the hospital instead of at home like I planned. I remember when that happened with Cal- I was devastated and it took time to recover. I was emailing my good friend today- she has been my lifeline through this whole experience and it occurred to me that we will have to make our own experience and make it memorable and special and we cannot rely on CWA to do this for us- we will have to have our own coffee ceremony for our boys and buy them Ethiopian clothes and just pray that God works on their little hearts so they are not afraid of us- but happy to finally be in our arms. I am so glad to be getting them soon- to be bringing them home- they need us and we need them. Still thinking of names! and packing....

Ok I tried to find a picture of the girl with the big claymation tears- but I could only find Heat Miser and Cold Miser- we often called my brother "miser" because of this character due to his red hair- and that cheered me up. The claymation red hair.

Beautiful Boys on Birth certificates

I was not feeling well this morning and managed after everyone left the house to go back to sleep- My very close friend, Molly was in labor last night and I was woken by a tearful friend who announced, "My Baby's Breech" through tears...It took me a second to realize what she had said- and to process that she wasn't saying something 100,000 times worse than that. But at that moment- it was the saddest thing for her- she did not want or plan to have a C-section- but all went well and Piper Rose was born this morning. So, I am asleep having fever dreams and night sweats and Mark calls and tells me about the email that came with the bys birth certificates. He told me all the little details- like Yabsera's name being spelled "Yebsera". The Names are Yebsera Mark Barr and Maren Mark Barr - there are birth dates and it says "Mother" "Emily Barr". I liked that.

The birthdates are usually random. The baby turns out to be 7 months old. Maren turns out to be 3 years and 4 months old. I find it hard to believe he is that old- he would be just so tiny based on heights and weights we got recently. But we will see when we meet him...Oh and I can't wait. Mark is growing his beard. For each baby Mark had a beard - he always thought that it was the baby's only way to know that this was Daddy and not Mommy- Daddy is the one with the scratchy face when you reach up with your tiny hand. But he said he is a bit worried that it might scare the boys- are there many men with beards there? And the photos we have sent- He does not have a beard. But I think they will know- I always say- Kids know when someone likes them- I have seen it with my own kids- they can tell when someone really digs them- my patients know when I really adore them - they can tell - and they respond differently when they feel that. I make a point of falling for all of my patients- some are easier to fall for than others- but in the end- they know when that has happened- when they have me wrapped around their finger.

So I know that Maren and Yabsera will know quickly that their Daddy with the scratchy face is their Daddy and loves them immensely.

I will try and put the photos from the birth certificates on the "Maureen Blog" as it has been come to be known..because those two pictures are so incredible.

Today we got a package from a good friend- she ordered me a lact-aid system so I could breast feed Yabsera- it is so great and what a great gift- to get something that you, frankly, couldn't ask that many people to get for you. And another friend left me a check- I can't tell you all how great it is- another friend will be giving us their crib mattress- we have countless people praying for us- and I have this group of families who have agreed to keep the Barr kids busy while we are gone- its truly like everyone has come together to bring these kids home. And the more I am learning about their lives - I realize- if they stayed in Ethiopia- they would not likely be alive- the baby might not be alive today and Maren might be alive- but he might very well be starving, without a home, without clothes, without a family- and would not live. So thank you Thank you Thank you to all of you for the prayer and support!

Main Street Sodo


This picture came from when you google Sodo Ethiopia- where the boys are from- this is the picture that comes up- I was looking at it with my Ethiopian Friend and I said, "Is that really Sodo?" and he said, "Yes Emily- you will see- you will see how the people live- they have nothing- you will see how bad it is- you will see how lucky these two boys are." We feel like the lucky ones.

11 fingers and 10 toes

Here we are all acting like we are "expecting"- while visiting a freind who was very pregnant- and still is -but her water JUST BROKE!!

You know how when you have a baby- they say that you count all of their fingers and toes? How people say, "He has 10 fingers and 10 toes!" Well, even though I have scrutinized my photos and I mean scrutinized them...I know that Maren is wearing the pink happy suit in some pictures and later his little brother is wearing it! So even though I thought I had seen everything- I saw that Yabsera has an extra pinky on his left hand. Its not like you are thinking- I think people call it a "phantom digit". It is something that can easily be removed and in the US would have been done at birth. Once I saw it yesterday- I went back and sure enough - its in every picture- not sure how I missed it. All of our birth kids have had some kind of birth anomaly- so we thought that it was fitting that Yabsera does too...I wonder what we might find in all of Maren's nooks and crannies...and speaking of Maren- I got an email yesterday that he "destroyed" his toys. I just can't wait to bring him home and give him some toys that are his to keep and that no one is going to take away- I think in the care setting like that with lots of kids they are always grabbing toys away from each other. So I look forward to letting him know that he can have stuff that is all his! Until Yabsera learns to crawl and starts the stealing! But hopefully by then he will get it that it’s just the 7 of us- and most of us don't want his toys and books! I also made a new photo album to bring with me because I am not sure his is still there= so we can look at it on the way home- its has pictures of grandparents and cousins and Max- our beagle and the kids and I put in several photos of he and Yabsera - I thought he would like that! I have a little Curious George back pack to put some fun stuff in for the plane ride home.

Work is busy- I am trying to get everything settled by Friday- I told them I would come in Tuesday to put someone on a study - but that I plan to be out next week. Pray we get on the flight on the 24th!

Happy Mother's Day

It was a good day. It was Phoebe's birthday and we went to visit a close friend who is due to have her first baby any day now. We were able to do some much needed shopping for the trip and pick up some things like formula and wipes and duffle bags to carry the donations in. My good friend who brought her babies home last week has been on my mind a lot and I ask you to pray for them. The twins they brought home are doing well but they have encountered some medical issues and I would like you all to pray for them. I wish I could post pictures of these two babies- they are so incredibly beautiful0 her daughter- who is supposed to be about 6 months only weighed 8 pounds when she got home- but she is growing and gaining and smiling and cooing now. Keep them in your prayers. And while you pray for them- please pray for Maren and Yabsera- they are doing well - we have heard- but each day that passes- I worry a little bit more about them and how they are- pray they are healthy and well and thriving. Mark surprised me today with a wonderful mother's day card and in it he said I was an awesome mother of 5 and on July 17th will get to be a fan of four...and I knew immediately that he ad gotten me tickets to go see Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young at Red Rocks! I was so happy- we haven't gone to a concert in years - before we had kids we went to a lot of shows. We saw CSNY in San Francisco in 1991 in a great small theatre- and the set was like a living room and that was how it felt- like you were sitting in their living room listening to them play "Guinevere". I was worried who would want to watch 5 kids and he said- we will figure that out. It was one of the nicest and best surprises since he got me TIVO ;).

Happy Mother's Day!

Act 1 Scene 3: Where the Barr's have an Embassy date AND plane tickets

For anyone who does not believe in the power of prayer...I can't even begin to tell you how God has just walked us through every bit of this. Do you believe me that there were no flights? Or I should say most flights were booked and the only flights we could get were extremely costly- I am not exaggerating when I say they cost more than the international fees for our adoption. One airline quoted me at 8,000.00 a ticket! I called my CWA case manager and even though I said I wouldn't cry...I did...ok not surprising - but still, I was prepared to give up and move the date further out, which made me really upset- those of you who have been to our photo blog AKA "The Maureen Blog"- have seen these little faces and know that they are adorable and I just can't wait to hold them and kiss them and play with them and hear them laugh and hear them cry and respond to their cries..so waiting even one more week was heartbreaking. Tracy prayed with me on the phone. I had really just given this one to God. And the travel agent. :) Our travel agent is Susan Parr.

Susan Parr Travel

We have been working with her for a few weeks now, back when we first thought we were traveling this week. She did not give up and while looking at flights for the following week she somehow got us on that Ethiopian Air Flight we had been trying to get on for over a day and a half. And we paid for it today! Its the least expensive and the nice thing about Ethiopian Air is that the kids will have many Ethiopians and people who speak their language during a time of great stress. British Air is nice for Denver because you can fly directly in to Denver- but it is more money- we wanted to pay less if possible.

We are on a wait list for the earlier flight out and hope to get that.

Please keep my good friend who brought her babies home in your prayers. They are doing so much better now that they are with their mom and dad- but it has just been a difficult experience for them since the beginning and I have grown to love them dearly and they need prayer to get through all of the hurdles that lie ahead. They sent me a photo of the babies with outfits I had bought them before they left- and they already look so different from the photos taken just two weeks ago!

Please also pray for safety as there was some violence and terrorism in Addis today. I believe 9 people died and many were injured. I would post a link to the news article- but it’s just too sad to have it on the blog- so if you want to read more you can google it. The good news it was not near the CWA foster home and everyone connected with CWA is safe including the children. But be praying that we can travel safely to bring our boys home.

Its summer here in Denver- today it was in the 80s and it was a beautiful day for the Shakespeare Festival. Madeline was awesome in her scene from "As You Like It" and Phoebe turns 7 this weekend...its good I am getting new babies because my baby is no longer a baby!!!

What others are saying about the new Barr boys

From the mom who waits at home for her husband to bring home their new son Max:

"Brian just called -- he returned to the orphanage and met your children. He said they both look very healthy. His comments:

Maren: Maren has the prettiest eyes and the longest eyelashes he has ever seen. He said that they are very big and long. Maren was very sweet and was playing with other kids and their toys the entire time he was there. Brian said that he seemed to be enjoying himself and was very happy.

Yabsera also seemed very healthy and is big. He was in his crib while he was there but said that he was awake and happy - the baby was not crying at all."

and this from CWA taken on May 2nd:

Yaebser (if he is 6 months he is decent sized- if he is 9 months he is smallish)

Height 64cm

Weight 7.5kg

Maren (if he is 3 he is itty bitty- if he is 2 he is really big- if he is 2 1/2 he is a good sized kid)

Height 89cm

Weight 12kg


I got donations at an Academy Award party I had, and raised enough to buy a scale to bring to Ethiopia- I also purchased a special tool used to measure length on infants and I am bringing a foot measurer a good friend finagled from Payless Shoes- they just plain gave it to her when she told them why she wanted it.

If you noticed I have not posted about my travel - that is purposeful. Keep us in your prayers and I hope to have good word tomorrow. I was blessed today by a friend who sent us a check out of the blue and another friend, whom I adore, who was visiting and just handed me some money when she left- not a huge amount or anything- but as you know - at this point every bit counts- she said, "Here- take this- I will tell you later why- just take it." So there is a mysterious reason- but it was still affirming to get these notes of encouragement during times of great stress. An email came from a friend who brought home infant twins a year ago from Ethiopia and an email from a long lost friend from high school found its way to me- this was written back in February! And finally my good friend who is bringing home three kids from Ethiopia very soon (they will also have 5 kids) called just to check on me- it was very sweet and meant a lot to me- so thanks out there to all of you who have heard my cries of stress and anxiety over the last 24 hours. It’s so good to know you care and get it.

And I can't believe what happend on LOST tonight! That is a whole 'nuther blog!

Act 1 Scene 2: How the war and rising gas prices affects when I get my children

I feel I have to blame somebody for the sadness and frustration I feel today and I was thinking it is so much easier to blame George Bush than anyone else...We got the long awaited email from our case manager that we have an embassy Date- but its not what we had been thinking and planning for- we thought we would be leaving next wed for an Embassy date on the 23rd of May. But the email went something like this: "Congratulations you have an embassy date of May 30th!" It looked like the type of email that would cause all sorts of celebrating and joy...but I just plummeted into sadness- for many reasons- one being its one more week before I get to be with my two boys- I just can't wait to see these guys- hold them- kiss them- watch them sleep- play with them- feed them- care for them- bring them home to meet their sisters and brother...etc etc. I also knew that plane tickets would be hard to come by. I was busy all day and so it wasn't until the very end when I got the email from our travel agent who wrote to say she could get us on a Lufthansa flight for a ton of money and we would have to get German tourist visas for the kids...and that...point blank...there were no other flights- no wait listing- no flights. Nothing. At this point- I knew the next step was to ask for a new embassy date of one week later...yes...LATER....I can't even begin to describe the kind of tailspin this sent me into- because it means so many things as far as the plans for childcare- I now not only need to see if someone can watch my kids while we are gone and they are out of school- before they would have been in school all day- but I need to find someone to watch them the first week of summer when I would still be working. And work???? I am so ready to be gone from work its not even funny. I planned it all around being GONE BY NEXT WEEK. (Sorry Chipees who may be reading this...its not you...its work) Anyway...I am still in limbo...tomorrow - I call and ask to move my embassy date and get new tickets and hopefully save money.

What’s one more week? Well its a lot when you are just a baby and a little boy - now granted - they don't know that they aren't with me- which is good- its just me who knows and feels their loss at this point (and Phoebe who asked every day when they will be home- today she said, will they be home for my birthday? Which is this weekend- so "No, Phoebe they will be home a month after your birthday!" Bummer. I think that sadness I feel is somewhat accumulative...this whole process is just so incredibly stressful and it does tend to build up quite a bit. And when I am sad I miss my family a lot. They are all very far away- and there are no plans for any Colorado visits in the near future. But I have some wonderful friends- and I am glad they are here. (I have to say that in case you are reading and think I have forgotten how wonderful you all are!)

Why blame Bush? War equals rising gas prices and rising gas prices translates into less airplanes flying and higher prices…which means I don't get to smooch my babies for another month.

Act I Scene I: I still know nothing

I am almost a week away from our expected travel date (May 17th) and still do not know when we travel. I am hoping to hear something tomorrow- but I am starting to worry it will be yet another week of waiting after that. Everyone asks all the time if I know anything...I don't blame them- they all want to know just as much as I do. And we have this whole cast of characters in the wings waiting to "perform" child care for us and yet I can't give them their cue until I know when opening night is....it's tricky. Keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we pack our bags and prepare to take the show on the road.

John 14

Jesus Comforts His Disciples
"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me.
2 In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have
told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. 3 And if I go
and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with
me that you also may be where I am. 4 You know the way to the place
where I am going."

Jesus the Way to the Father
5 Thomas said to him, "Lord, we don't know where you are going, so
how can we know the way?"
6 Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one
comes to the Father except through me. 7 If you really knew me, you
would know my Father as well. From now on, you do know him and have
seen him."

News from Addis and Notes on Boycotts and Breastfeeding

One of the friends I have made through this process is in Addis right now picking up her children. They are adorable and she is very happy to finally be with them. She is hoping to get an earlier embassy appointment so they can leave as soon as possible. They are both tiny babies and need lots of love and attention right now...so its good their mom and dad are there to give them that. Anyway, she wrote me today to let me know how my boys were. As you know, we have not heard much about Yabsera and even today- I was happy to get new measurements on the boys- but they said his weight was 4 kg which is about 8 pounds...well that along with his height and someone else saying he is a "good sized 7-8 month old” made me think it had to be wrong. It’s been a challenge to get good accurate information from Ethiopia to North Carolina to the families. I am sure it will get better as this agency processes more and more families- we are like family number 10, I think, to go and pick up kids. WE did request that our embassy date be the 23rd of May- its a week later - but for many reasons it made sense to do that. We will not know for sure until...well...until we know. If it is then we may leave May 17th. This would be good because I have loaded up my clinic on May 16th, I will be here for Shakespeare festival, Maddie's theatre banquet, and of course our dear Phoebe Darling's 7th birthday. So the news...here is what she wrote:

"Em-
Yes, it was a good day!!! :-)

First - your boys are awesome!!!! I have held them, kissed them, played with them. I will attach photos, but they don't do them justice. Yabsera looks very healthy. He has been to two doctors for his skin, one today. They are treating it as if it is scabies, but it is not bad at all and I know you will be able to get it healed quickly at home. He smiles, laughs, is very responsive. He can hold his own weight if I hold him by the hands. Child of laughter!!!

Maren will be somewhat of handful on the plane ride home, so you may want to try that benedryl!!! He is just a doll. Not naughty, but full of life. He loves to laugh. We played tickle games. He would not take off his shoes for me, but Sharon said she thinks he is 5 1/2 or 6 (she measured).

All of the children except our baby girl are in very good health. I learned to day that we have our baby girl to thank for that! When she came she was so bad they took her to a dr here who ordered her formula with iron. Dagne just ordered the same thing for all of the babies! So they have all been on Nestle Infant Formula with Iron, I think it is called Nans (?). They are also fed rice cereal with fruit; I think also a Nestle product. I am really happy! They look great! They said Yabsera, and the other babies were somewhat malnourished when they arrived, but a month on formula has done wonders!!!!"

So, those of you who know me, know that I sometimes take a stand against stuff...I have become much more complacent in my old age...right now my only boycott is Tommy Hilfiger...but there was a time I would not buy NESTLE products. Yup. And that is hard to do...because they make a ton of things.

Historical Timeline on Nestle Boycott

If you look at this time line- and you look at 1988...that is right around when I probably joined the fight against Nestle. It was also the time you found me marching on Tiananmen Square with the Chinese Students, joining the fight against Racism at Cornell University, and shortly before I moved to Northern California to take care of children with HIV. My bumper sticker read "Fight AIDS not people with AIDS" Anyway, I am still all about fighting racism, I still feel the Chinese have suffered oppression, and I still think we have a long way to go to get rid of the stigma that goes along with having HIV....but admittedly I am ready to go out and buy a case of Nestle chocolate bars...for two reasons...one- I could really use the chocolate to help with my stress and two because after reading that it was Nestle formula with Iron that has made Yabsera healthier- it would be hard for me to personally knock it.

And you all know what a huge proponent of breastfeeding I am...if you see my links you can find a link for mothers wishing to breastfeed their adopted child. I think it’s great if you can do it. Here is a link to more information:

Great Site on Adoptive Breastfeeding

So, still waiting on an embassy date and therefore a travel date...feeling better tonight after hearing Yabsera is weight bearing and that Maren is being a huge pain in everyone's butt...I take that as a good sign.

Good News on Maren and Yabsera

This is from an email that a friend who is there picking up her two children sent to me today:

Em,
I would say he (Yabsera) looks great for 7-8 months.... I didn't want to disturb him while he was sleeping. Maren is very funny. He loves books and we actually left one of the books we took to the home with him because he loved it so much. He loves to be held and enjoys playing. Bethlehem and he battle for attention a lot. You are going to love his personality and his energy!

Under the Mercy,
Sharon

So, my concern for Yabsera is probably without merit- I hope. I was getting together 6 month clothes thinking he looked small- we will see what Maureen - who arrives tomorrow and will see them on Wednesday thinks. Today someone mentioned bottles...need that still. We were not thinking baby since the beginning of this process so its hard to try and think of everything we will need to bring...formula...diapers...bottles...Maren is potty trained - how about that- he likes to read, he is sweet and he can pee on a potty! That is so great!

Waiting on hold with British Airways

Don't you just love when an agency or group does something special so that you can get some great deal on something...but the only way you can get that deal is either by jumping through so many hoops that is becomes unreasonable or you need money to get the deal...so the deal is worthless to you anyway? British Airways as this adoption deal but to even ask what the rate is I have to fax them a bunch of stuff and give them a dna sample before they will even give me a quote. I am not kidding - its like preparing a dossier just to fly- I have now been on hold with them for over half an hour- because she said I would not get my quote until 48 hours after I send them all of this paperwork. I said, "but I am leaving next week- I don't have 48 hours to see if you can give me the best deal." So she said she would get me her supervisor and now I am on hold. For the record, KLM/Northwest was able to give me a quote right away- however- it was about 3,000.00 per adult and then another 1500.00 for the kids. That brings us to....(drum roll please) 7500.00. Its great that the plane fair costs more than the international adoption fees. British Airways will be about the same...so back to the travel agent and see what she can scrounge up. Man if I end up on the Dutch airline again (I have not had pleasant experiences with KLM) that will almost be funny...not funny- just almost funny. But I would fly them again- even next to the miserable Dutch family I flew with from Johannesburg to Amsterdam and - yes- dare I say- even with the insanely inebriated woman who kept reaching over her head and giving me the finger all the way from Amsterdam to Capetown. Gee, I wonder if they will have the same two sitcoms playing the whole way that I had to watch 6 or 7 times when I last flew them? here is a photo of Phlat Phoebe who travels with me- she is in the Amsterdam airport with the dutch kissing ceramics in the background.

So, I am griping, but I got wonderful news on the boys today. I think I need to put it in a separate post...don't want to mix travel angst with baby joy.

We Got New Photos!

Today we got a few new photos from the agency or our older child and that was nice and then we got a pleasant surprise and got more photos from a family who recently brought back their son. They sent us several of our older child- they are actually pretty funny- because we sent these gift bags with a blanket I made, and a few toys and a book- and in the pictures he is just clutching the toys- in one, he is inside and then he is outside- but he is just holding all of his "stuff". It was really really cool to see the things we had sent to him in his arms! We also got another photo of the baby- unfortunately he actually looks less well than he did in the referral picture- he looks less chubby and he looks less alert and a bit dry- he may have some eczema. Our good friends whom we have met through this- I have written about them- they have three kids the same gender and ages as ours and their daughter and Phoebe have the very same birthdates. They are adopting two infants. They are leaving Monday to go a little early because one of their children may be ill- that is not the good news- the good news is that since they are going early they can check on our kids- especially the baby- because he looked so tiny in the photo.

We have a lot to do to prepare and the fact that we could possibly be leaving in the next two - three weeks is a bit overwhelming- please keep us in your thoughts and prayers. Please pray specifically for airline tickets – that we can get them for when we need and that the cost is not too terribly high.

I can't yet post photos of the boys- but will post a photo of what I sent to them- it had to be light and fit in a 1 gallon ziplock bag!



You can see how we fit everything into the bags





And you can see how we taped pictures of us on the backs of the books.




And soon I can, I will post the actual pictures of our older boy clutching his loot to his chest. It’s pretty darn cute!

My New Links

If you get a chance to check out some of my new links- I have included a long list of books from Amazon.com which are related to Ethiopian Adoption. I hade probably 10 more I could have put on the list- but it limits you to 25 books. Also, I have added a pod cast that you can listen to on interracial adoption. I am finding that when I am doing something to prepare for my boys to come home I am always having to think about how I want them to feel comfortable and not feel so different. I know they will and I want to embrace that as well. But for instance - you are looking at children's books- so many do not have brown faces in them- luckily many of my favorites have animals.
This happens when I am blogging and I want to put in a little picture- I had to look pretty hard to find the cartoons that look like my kids look. And of course its even harder to find a picture book with white mommy's and daddy's and brown babies. I am sure this is true for so many families- with single parents, same sex parents, racially mixed families. I know that not all books that are read to a child have to look exactly like the child and their family- but it is nice when the books are about family relationships to include the diverse make up of our families. I notices a great listmania list on Amazon on picture books for adopted children in interracial families- so I will try and get that linked to this blog as well.

I hope to get word this week about a best guess for travel...and I also hope to see an updated photo of the boys sometime this week. It will be nice to hear from the two families who traveled last week through CWA and picked up their children. I will let you know when I know!

April 18!

Passage Isaiah 45:3:
3 I will give you the treasures of darkness,
riches stored in secret places,
so that you may know that I am the LORD,
the God of Israel, who summons you by name.

On Tuesday, April 18th we heard from Tracy, our case manager from CWA, that our court date in Ethiopia was successful. We were as surprised as she was to hear we had even had the court date. She had gotten the email on Monday stating that Maren and Yabsera's court case was successful. What this means is that they are legally our boys. I guess the actual court date occurred in Addis Ababa on the 17th...but we heard on the 18th. We were so happy! Cal said, "Is this really 100%? Are the 100% ours?" Maddie just seemed a little sad and when I said, "Why aren't you happy?" she said, "I just want them home!" We went out to dinner to celebrate and we will never forget this date.

Someone on the CWA web board posted this verse (above). I loved it because those of you who know me well, know that this is truly a gift to us that came from places of sadness. There is that one essay from "The Prophet" that talks about Joy and Sorrow. It talks about how a violin must be carved out and made hollow to be able to create beautiful music. How, in order to know real joy you must have experienced true sorrow. There are children in my life I have loved so dearly and had to say goodbye to and to be able to bring two beautiful boys into our family is pure joy. I also know that our joy in bringing these two boys home, brings sadness to many of their family members left behind. That in order to join our Barr family they had to leave their Ethiopian family.

Unknowingly, last August, I changed my login at work to "April18!". I have been typing that date for 8 months. Thirty to forty times a day I type "April18!". I had no idea. No idea what-so-ever that on April 18th we would be given this most amazing gift.

God is amazing in His timing and perfect in His plan for us.

"When will you go to Ethiopia?"

This is the question we hear most often. I can tell people several times that we have no idea- probably end of May or beginning of June- but they will ask and ask again. I don't mind. I just think its funny. We have been told we will not know our travel date until about 7-10 days before travel. So that means we will not know for another 4-8 weeks depending on when our court date is.

Remember that we are assigned a court date in Ethiopia - we are not present for that court date- our representative goes to court on our behalf and if all goes well the children our legally ours at the end of the day. Then there is paperwork to be processed and we are assigned a visa appointment and that is when we travel- the visa date can be anywhere between 3 and 6 weeks after the court date. It could be -possibly even as short as 2 weeks- but the last group traveled three weeks after their court date and this next group is being told it will probably be about 4 weeks later. So, today I emailed our case manager, Tracy, to ask if she might have a court date for us soon...her first reply was:

Dear Emily,
I am in contact with our CWA representative and may have news for you, but need clarification before I tell you something in error. Watch for more tomorrow!
Hang in there!

Tracy
Ethiopia Program Director

and her second email- later this evening was:


Dear Emily,

I hope to have good news for you tomorrow! Don’t you hate suspense?
Be preparing to travel soon!
Take care and God bless,

Tracy
Ethiopia Program Director



So hopefully we will have a court date tomorrow...usually the court date is about 10-15 days out from the time you receive notice of it.

Keep us in your prayers- we have quite a bit to do to prepare for travel!

He is Risen!

John 11:25-26

"I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; 26 and whoever lives and believes in me will never die."

We colored eggs last night and made eggs for the boys. I thought of them in Ethiopia and prayed in church that they would feel our love today. And as I prayed I realized that it is possible that one of the families going to pick up their son this week may see them today. They may get hugs from someone who knows they are our babies. That was very comforting.

Next Easter as we prepare for our Easter dinner we will be setting two more places at our table. And we will look back on this time when we wait to bring them home...and we will probably not remember what life was like without them. OK- we might remember- but I am guessing we will like it better when they are here! :)

Baby Sale!

It’s raining in Denver today- great for the grass and all of my tulips and bluebells (I know they are not bluebells- but that is what we call them- I have to preface that because I think it really bugs one member of our family that we have all sorts of made up names for flowers- these are actually grape hyacinths- but we call them bluebells) I planted last fall. Also good for trying to dig out from under the piles of laundry that have taken over the house! This morning Phoebe and I went to her school where they had a "gently used baby sale" - (makes it sound like folks who have given up on their crying babies are trading them in for quieter and sleepier versions!) Anyway- we were able to get an excer-saucer, a potty chair, a bath ring, clothes for both kids (not as many for the older child- since they just didn't have as much and also we have no idea what size he will be) books, toys, some shoes, spoons, a couple bibs, a couple crib sheets, a few blankets...all for about 37.00! And they are letting me go back at about 11:00 am to grab some shoes to bring to the orphanage!

One of the things that really struck me when watching the DVD of the older kids that CWA is working to place for adoption, was the fact that none of the kids had shoes...and the few that did were so worn out and full of holes. The part of Ethiopia we are adopting from is one of the poorest regions in the world. Some estimates call it the 3rd poorest region in the world. It is the poorest part of one of the poorest countries. Shoes are definitely a luxury. Here is a link to a brief article outlining Habitat for Humanity's efforts to bring housing to this incredibly poor region of Ethiopia.

Habitat For Humanity in Wolaita Ethiopia

I come to the thought time and time again about how much more we can all do, just in general. People say how good it is that Mark and I are doing this (we are either "good" or "crazy"! and often both...) but we really reap the rewards of our family. We saw that we can reach out to these families in another part of the world in a unique way. And in turn they are reaching back. We are forever making a connection to this place - Sodo- Wolaita. I have to run back to the baby sale and get the shoes!!! :) If you want to learn more about the older kids that are available for adoption you can check out this link:

Older Children Aged About 3-12 Waiting for Families

Good Friends!

Today some friends I have gotten to know a bit through our agency, CWA, got news of their successful hearing at court! I also got an email from friends we have met here in Colorado - the ones who went from adopting one infant to adopting three older kids- that the kids they requested are official referred to them! And they will likely travel early in June- which mans several of us will all have our kids home for the summer.

It is also Holy Week and I am reminded of God's love for us in giving his ultimate sacrifice. When I have difficult times its a comfort to rely on God's presence. One family shared these verses with us today:

Isa. 43:1-3. "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by
name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters I will be with
you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you;
when you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will
not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of
Israel, your Savior."

2 Cor. 9:8. "God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in
all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in
every good work."

How comforting to know this. No matter where you are and what has been made difficult for you God is with you through all of it.

This photo was taken last Sunday. Here you can see our three kids and then jennifer, Mark and their son Zeke. We had some good friends come to visit us. Jennifer is our midwife's daughter. We met our midwife while living in Ithaca New York. We had called her about having a homebirth for our first pregnancy and then before our first prenatal visit we miscarried- she then called to check on us and we were pregnant with Maddie. She cared for us throughout that pregnancy and during that time I met her daughter Jennifer. Our family became close with their family and spent a lot of time together. They became like family to us. Gail was also one of the midwives caring for us during Phoebe's birth- this occurred shortly before Jennifer and Mark were married. So at their wedding Phoebe was only about a month old. They now have a 3 year old names Zeke and they all came to visit us last week.


This picture was taken in the foothills of the Rockies. It was a wonderful time and I spoke to Jennifer's mother, our midwife, and I said, "How fitting it is to have Jennifer come to visit so close to the time when we are bringing new babies into our family- our midwife’s daughter!" It is wonderful to meet people in life - along the way - whom you connect with and they are special and bring joy into your life. These people become the fabric of your memories and they are the gift that God gives us to help us and to celebrate with us.

We are thankful for the families we have met through this process. In many ways- going through this together- is so unique - I can't imagine not having these connections across the United States and even the world to help guide you through this process. They are like my midwives in this process of adoption.

Immigration Approval

The long awaited I 171h came today from CIS! We are approved to bring our baby boys home! We are so excited. This was the last thing we were waiting for on our end of things. Now we will hopefully be assigned a court date in the next few weeks and then we wait for the travel date. Its a great feeling to be at this point in the process. It has been long and not always easy. I know there still is a lot ahead of us. But right now...this feels good.

Waiting for a Court Date

We got word last week that our court date will be coming son. We are still waiting for our 171h- which will hopefully magically appear in our mail box tomorrow. We are still working on names. Can't quite decide on them yet- knowing us the boys will be registering for school and still not be names officially by us. The pressure doesn't seem so strong when they already have names! We have started thinking about all of the stuff we will need and have had some nice offers on a few things - like today a women from our church offered a crib and a changing table! And a good friend has offered to buy us a stroller which will hold both boys. I was telling our friend that we are still trying to figure out the child care while we are gone and she mentioned a young women who might be interested - and it turns out this women works in Cal and Phoebe's before school program! So I met her- she is really nice and interested in helping- which I hope works out. Our family is not in the position to really come and help. Its funny when people have babies and they say, "Oh my mom is coming out for two weeks and then Aunt Jane will be here and then Cousin Sara and thenCousin Sara's old College roommate..." You get the picture. It’s never been like that for us- we are lucky to get a few days after each birth. And we do consider that a special time and have been blessed by having the family we had- even if it was short lived. And now I am even more appreciative - when we are not likely to have that at all. We just live very far- and everyone has jobs or kids. But hopefully we will get home this summer so they can meet their new grandchildren! New Cousins! New nephews! We are getting more excited about this and its been so fun to have our dear friends from Ithaca here for the past few days with their 3 year old- its good practice for having a toddler around- for all of us!

Timelines...it can be a difficult word in the adoption world

People get very hung up on timelines in the adoption world. Think about it- when you get pregnant you know you have roughly 40 weeks (or 36 depending on when you found out you were pregnant) to prepare for this new person to enter you life. My friend was telling her birthing story at a "Blessing way" I had the other night for two pregnant friends of mine- and it was so sweet she started crying at the point where- her water has broken and she is leaving for the hospital and she stops by the empty nursery. The realization that it would never be that quiet or peaceful in their house again- that real change was happening in the next 24 to72 hours was just profound. And my friend knew that. She understood- what I think some new mom's just don't get until it hits them in the face- that their lives are forever changed. It is a lot of what post partum depression feeds off of. You no longer are one person. You are always responsible for this other person. Your life has changed. A quick trip to the store will not be a quick trip again for quite some time.


So we, who are adopting, are focused on timelines- we often want them to be short. We also have no idea when the child will be home- its very different from a pregnancy where you know just about when it does- and you also know you will be taking home someone very tiny- a newborn. When waiting for a referral we have no idea what age our child will be- and frankly even after they are referred we have no idea how old they really are. Of course we want to see our children soon...but we also want these timelines to somehow fit into our expectations. Some families wait years for their children. There is quite a long wait if you are adopting from China- it could be a year after your dossier is complete that you get your referral and then another couple months before travel. Its much longer than a pregnancy. If you live in Canada od Australia and are adopting from Ethiopia, I have heard you can wait two years. But her, in thhe U.S., the wait times between dossier submission and referral and travel have been fairly short - and when I say short- in many cases there has hardly been any wait at all. Many of the agencies have been inundated with applications lately. I have heard that AAI has received more applications in the last 6 months than in the last 6 years- that is a lot! So the wait times are lengthening- not because there aren't children- but because there is only so much the staff of one agency can handle.

Back when we chose CWA we thought- on one hand it could go slower- because its new- and on the other hand we thought- it could also go fast because we are one of the first families- so far it is proving to be quick We got a referral as soon as they got our dossier. That was March 1st. I know another family who got their referral the same day as us and they received their court date today. It will be April12th. We did not get ours. we are still waiting for our 171h which should come this week. Then we will be in line for a court date. Then we would probably travel 2-3 weeks after court depending on when that is. Our timeline story starts with..."So we made our first phone call to CWA on October 31st. We sent our first part of our application n to CWA right after Thanksgiving. We had our final Home study visit on January 6th. Our homestudy was sent to INS on March 1st the same day we got our referrals." It has been really fast in the world of international adoption- and the fact that our sons will be home probably by June- means that - if you count the discussion when the decision was made to move forward with researching adoption- our gestation is nearly 9 months. Only we are giving birth to a 6 month old and a 3 year old! (we think!)

"Nothing is as simple as we hope it will be." - Jim Horning

Well, its finally April. March of 2006 proved to be an achingly long month. Full of incredible joy and celebration and mixed with some real stress and sadness. And remember- we got our referral on March 1st. It proves that the families who are waiting for a referral and the families who have a referral and are waiting to travel and the families who haven't really had to do much waiting at any one point in the process- all suffer their own challenges. None of this is simple. I remember last summer talking with Mark about having more kids and at first we thought- lets have kids the way we already have- because that is easy- we know how to do that! And its true that in some cases- (not all) it is easier. There are obviously things are so vastly different- you can't compare the two. But there are many facets of both which are markedly similar.

So, I haven't posted in awhile. Some of that had to do with the fact that we had this referral and needed to make decisions and also we are not allowed to post much info about it. But the other reason is that it has been a difficult time talking with people about our decision to adopt- and the decision to adopt two has just pushed people over the edge. I think I finally heard the last of why our family thinks we are crazy...at least I hope I have. It turns out they all have had a chance to get their say at some point. And then when I started to email my CWA web board about how people have reacted...I found an interesting response- all of their families and friends think they are pretty much crazy as well. This starts with the couples who haven't birthed any children- people say "Why don't you try infertility treatments? who don't you wait a little bit, maybe God will work a miracle, why don't you take a vacation- it would relieve stress and then maybe you will get pregnant..." This list of insensitive comments goes on. Then you have the folks who just plain chose adoption...these people did not attempt to conceive a child...they are bound to have people make every comment under the sun about "why don't you have one of your own? "You know those kids might end up being messed up." "Have you thought about adopting domestically? aka what about trying for a white newborn baby?"

And then there are folks like us- and you wouldn’t believe how many of us there are out there. families with 2 or more birth children (or adopted) who are adopting (again) more than one child from Ethiopia. I was amazed at how many people were adopting more than one child. Its funny how we all come to what we think will be the easier thing. I know one couple- they have a 2 year old and are looking to adopt twins less than 18 months - to me that sounds really challenging...when she heard we had requested a toddler boy and an older child 4-7- she said, "Oh I could never do that- that sounds really hard!" We have friend we have met through this process and they have two children about 6 and 14. They started this thinking they wanted one child- the younger the better- they went from one to two- about the same time as we did and then they were recently referred two sets of sibling groups of three. The one set has two young ones and one a bit older but the other set has three young school aged kids. They are leaning towards taking three- and they are leaning towards the older group- just not into babies. I know there are so many families out there who would take the younger set of siblings over the older set any day- but that is not what this couple is being called to or feeling compelled to do. One of our other friends- a couple with no kids is adopting two teenagers. To Mark and I...that sounds harder than the two little ones we are getting. Many would argue that the teens would be easier- I mean they are potty trained right?

So it goes to show you- everyone is so different I what they feel they- as a family- can handle- and what they want to and can do. Our family- looks at us and they see something different from what we see. We can't change that vantage point. We can listen to their concerns and we can take it all very seriously as we have. But in the end - it is what we feel we are here for. We feel our kids are at a place where they are excited- they can help- and they want this as much as we do. If we waited a few years as has been suggested, our kids will be teens- they won't see things the same way they do now and they may not be as invested an bringing two baby brothers into their family. We wanted out kids to all be a bit closer in age- its nice that Madeline is nearly 13- but it also means she will be going off to college when our baby is 5! Just entering kindergarten. I can't imagine waiting any longer- and I can't imagine a more perfect time than now- we own our home, we both have great jobs, our kids are old enough to help- but young enough to enjoy being part of the family- it feels like the timing is perfect- as is God's timing.

The support from the CWA board this week has been so wonderful. I will post a few of the emails- so that you all who may be reading this blog- who are adopting and getting comments from others- that are often insensitive and you are feeling down- questioning your choices- I will give you these words from other families - encouraging words of faith. Nothing is as simple as we hope it will be. But we can do and say many things to make things simpler for others. Thanks to those of you who have done that for us.


Comments From Others:
"What you are doing is beautiful. You are blazing a trail. They talk about Hollywood being "brave" for making Broke Back Mountain. I'd like to see your family made into a feature - you are truly brave! Bravery is not doing what you already do around your like minded friends. Bravery is stepping out and doing what others are afraid of doing to make the world better."

"I have also experienced A LOT of questions, looks and raised eyebrows. I also get ignorant remarks (My least fave -- "oh, you're doing the Angelina Jolie."). I have people asking me why we aren't doing infertility treatments, why not domestic, why not this, why not that. It is amazing to me that so many people who are peripheral to my life seem to feel it appropriate to weigh in on my family and choices to adopt and raise a child with my husband. I have been blessed in that our entire family has been incredibly supportive and loving but initially we had the questions and "concerns" raised as well. We just tried to talk through them and help people understand where we are at, what we are doing, and they came around VERY quickly. It also helped that we developed a website to have people go through some of this with us and to use as a tool for education about adoption, Ethiopia, infertility, and just generally have them see how much fun it can be to expect your first child - no matter how you define "expecting." The best thing about what we have in each other is the desire to help and pray for each other. I am so grateful for all of you on this board. This process would not be nearly as manageable as it has been if not for the love each of you have shown me and each other."


"Thank you all so much! It fills my heart with joy and my eyes with tears when I read your comments and prayers. No one else could ever understand what we are all going through. It is the web board and prayer that keep me going and seeing a light at the end. Thank you again for all your prayers. God is awesome and He knows are hearts and thoughts. I hold to His plan, not mine. Thank you Jesus for bringing these families to us and for protecting our children. You are glorious and righteous."

"I hear your heart and will be praying for you. I have seen where God uses a quiet example to change the hearts of others. What appears to others as overwhelming and crazy at first seems just right when witnessed in action. I pray that we all can be a witness to God's goodness through adoption and that we will be careful with our words (especially me on this one) so others can see that we are believers and positive encouragers of what we are doing. Which by the way has many biblical examples - Moses and of course, we are adopted into God's family. So maybe a response could be "God did and so am I!" I'm praying your day is filled with God's grace and goodness and it leaks into the weekend. Walking with you in this journey."

"We face the same comments as you all! We have a smaller home and everyone asks "Where are you going to put two more?" Well, all I can say is that we recently looked at moving and when we told our children that we felt God was asking us to wait...our two oldest each said good, we like our home! That was from two teenagers. Everyone's spiritual gifts are different. I took a spiritual gifts test last night and my highest is "Hospitality". Listed under hospitality is adoption. I felt so good knowing that I am using my spiritual gift for God's glory. We live is a selfish world where children are considered a burden. Most people won't understand us. Isn't it sad for them...?"

"Hi, Friend!
How good to hear from you! I was praying for you again this morning. Don't let other's concern bring you into doubt - you have been led by God to do this, or you wouldn't be here. Have you read John Piper's book "Don't Waste Your Life"? It really impacted us, and when I start thinking I am crazy, will regret this, don't know what I'm doing, etc, I remember the call of that book - to live life with purpose. Em, think about what life for these boys would be like without adoption. You are very possibly providing them the means of SURVIVAL. Not to mention, hope, a future, love, the gospel, witness to the world - this shows in such a huge way how BIG God is - we have been given an incredible privilege to participate with God in His work. He could do all of it without us, but He has chosen to allow us to participate with Him - it's an honor, a blessing, and He will make a way for you and your family no matter what the future bring."

Nothing is as simple as we hope it will be.

Sharing My Room With My New Brothers - Cal's post

I think that this is very exciting. And my mom always says I have the most room of all of the bedrooms in the house. So, I am very excited. We are going to put our old bunk beds in my room for them. These are the same bunk beds that my mom and Uncle Phil used when they were little and Maddie and I used in Syracuse and Phoebe and I used in our old house. Since we are doing that, my mom is trying to get some new stuff. I am hoping we will paint the bedroom soon. We may all sleep in the same bed sometimes- just like in this photograph from Christmas Eve! But what I really think is that the new kids are gonna treasure the electronics, but they will also like playing outside and going swimming- just doing all sports!

The Flying Tomato and Our Referral

We have had a couple of very special and crazy weeks in our family. We actually received our referral! It all happened very fast- though it did not take us by surprise. I remember interviewing agencies last fall and all of them saying that referrals were happening shortly after Dossier's and homestudies were done. Some of the more well know agencies have slower referral times now- because the programs have become so popular. Which is great for the kids- but some of the parents went into this thinking that they would get referrals much faster- and are now waiting. There was no wait with our agency- they are so new and since we are one of the first families there were babies just waiting for families. This week our family was also celebrating a big event- so the referral and the big event were happening at the same time. You can imagine if you were related to the Flying Tomato and got your referral during the Olympics? (I wouldn't mind being related to him. He seems like a neat guy and his family also seems really great!) Well, you can imagine that it would be almost too much to take in all at once.

Our family, too, has been wonderful. So supportive and happy for us. My father was so great. He asked all of these great questions about interracial families and attachment. It was so nice to know he was thinking through all of the challenges of adopting a child of another race. Also, all of the things that come up because your child comes from a place which is absolutely nothing like here. They may live in a mud hut. They may not own shoes. They have never eaten with a fork and a knife. They may have never seen a TV or computer. They will be shocked to see that we have a dog in our house. They will not know what to think the first time they go to the grocery store. They may never have had the chance to navigate stairs. The list is endless. Mark and I have spent quite a bit of time reading about attachment, about grief and loss, about interracial adoption. We have been on an online support group with over 1,000 members from around the world and have learned so many things. Like our child will never have had a bath in a bathtub before. It will be a new and maybe kind of scary experience.

Its great to have a family who sees the big picture and gets why bringing these boys home is so meaningful and important. I think we all know that our time here is short and what we do with it is so very important. And what is the most important thing you can do while you are here? To love and be loved. How blessed we are to have two more children to love- and how even MORE BLESSED our family is that there are two more little people who will adore them all so much.

We have worked so hard to get to this point in our lives and like the Flying Tomato - the victory lap will be so very sweet.

And when we worry about our choices and when the fear sets in we can remember this:

Matthew 21:21-22

Then Jesus told them, “I assure you, if you have faith and don't doubt, you can do things like this and much more. You can even say to this mountain 'May God lift you up and throw you into the sea,' and it will happen. If you believe you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer."

The Ride

Pictures from Durban South Africa June 2005 Reminding myself today to enjoy the ride. I have been so incredibly nervous and anxious- I guess something I have wanted for so very long- is finally really really close. The Dossier arrived at CWA today and we got an email saying that Tracy (our case manager) wanted to talk to us tomorrow about a referral. I have just told the folks I work with this news- yesterday and today. I felt like I needed to tell them once the Dossier was sent because I knew the referral was not far behind. I think my family is a bit stunned this is happening this fast. I knew it might be this fast. That is no surprise. but I am still very anxious that possibly tomorrow - or at least in the next few days. Our Barr family as we now know it will change forever. So I have been praying, not sleeping much, asking close friends to pray...and what is nice is God keeps sending me sweet messages of reassurance. For instance, this afternoon when I got the email about the referral...I could not get in touch with Mark and had no one to tell...and I was just sitting there frozen...gripped with anxiety. And my close friend Sarah, from New York, whom I have not even spoken to since she visited over New Years emailed me. She emailed me within 5 minutes or so of the email about the referral call and she said:

2/28/2006
Hi Em,

Just thinking of you and wondering how you are doing. My Spidey-sense is tingling so I figure we should touch base.

Have you heard anything more about the new Barr kid? Do you need anything? I wish so much that I was there. It probably doesn't show but I am so happy and nervous and excited for you... Am I totally weird if I say it feels like a pregnancy from here?

I miss you terribly, please call me if you get a chance.

Love and hugs to all, Sarah


This along with connecting with another mom who is adopting from Ethiopia who has three children all the same ages as our children- and not just that but her youngest daughter and our youngest daughter were born on the same day. And as it turns out, Mark and I honeymooned in Savannah, GA and celebrated St Patrick’s Day there in 1992. This other mom was at that very same St. Paddy's Day parade. So we were at the same parade in Savannah GA in 1992...we were pregnant at the same time for all three of our kids, and we gave birth to our third child on the exact same day...and we are both requesting similar children from CWA and getting referrals at the exact same time.


It is so odd, and yet so reassuring at the same time. I have no idea why its reassuring, but getting text messages from my one brother and phone calls from the other and the calm voice of my sister on the other end of a voice mail. It all helps when things seem a bit overwhelming...as it is in international adoption. Yesterday we had our first flower pop out of the ground...it was really beautiful. It’s all part of the ride. The anxiety, the hope, the fear, and the wonder.

And so when I find myself just feeling like everything is so unknown. The kids are great in grounding me...they talk about really practical things like names and food - what will the child want to eat? Do they have Chicken Mcnuggets in Ethiopia? Will this child be scared of Max (we have decided that yes- the child will be scared of Max- I mean he chases Rabbits!) It’s all part of the ride.

The Little Prince on Dossiers

Today we have our completed homestudy. We have our dossier ready to go. The dossier is a big pile of paper that says a lot of stuff about us, about our family, about our home, our jobs, our kids, our life and even our dog. Mark went through it and found some errors...I kept thinking with all of the research I do at work, all the double and triple checking of other people’s work I should have caught those errors long ago...I spend a good bit of time on details every day and I missed some pretty important details. I felt like one of the characters from The Little Prince, but I couldn't figure out which one. So I looked and I think it’s this one. I feel like the Geographer -the man who sits and writes everything down - how much money we make, how my parents raised me, how much we owed in taxed the past three years, how many square feet our home is...all of the matters of consequence...all of the things that are supposed to allow us to bring our child home from Ethiopia...and I feel like the child is the Flower in all of this. The Flower is the most important thing in the world to The Little Prince, but the flower cannot be counted. And the flower needs Protection and Love.



"Oh, look! Here is an explorer!" he exclaimed to himself when he saw the little prince coming.
The little prince sat down on the table and panted a little. He had already traveled so much and so far!
"Where do you come from?" the old gentleman said to him.
"What is that big book?" said the little prince. "What are you doing?"
"I am a geographer," said the old gentleman.
"What is a geographer?" asked the little prince.
"A geographer is a scholar who knows the location of all the seas, rivers, towns, mountains, and deserts."
"That is very interesting," said the little prince. "Here at last is a man who has a real profession!" And he cast a look around him at the planet of the geographer. It was the most magnificent and stately planet that he had ever seen.
"Your planet is very beautiful," he said. "Has it any oceans?"
"I couldn't tell you," said the geographer.
"Ah!" The little prince was disappointed. "Has it any mountains?"
"I couldn't tell you," said the geographer.
"And towns, and rivers, and deserts?"
"I couldn't tell you that, either."
"But you are a geographer!"
"Exactly," the geographer said. "But I am not an explorer. I haven't a single explorer on my planet. It is not the geographer who goes out to count the towns, the rivers, the mountains, the seas, the oceans, and the deserts. The geographer is much too important to go loafing about. He does not leave his desk. But he receives the explorers in his study. He asks them questions, and he notes down what they recall of their travels. And if the recollections of any one among them seem interesting to him, the geographer orders an inquiry into that explorer's moral character."
"Why is that?"
"Because an explorer who told lies would bring disaster on the books of the geographer. So would an explorer who drank too much."
"Why is that?" asked the little prince.
"Because intoxicated men see double. Then the geographer would note down two mountains in a place where there was only one."
"I know some one," said the little prince, "who would make a bad explorer."
"That is possible. Then, when the moral character of the explorer is shown to be good, an inquiry is ordered into his discovery."
"One goes to see it?"
"No. That would be too complicated. But one requires the explorer to furnish proofs. For example, if the discovery in question is that of a large mountain, one requires that large stones be brought back from it."
The geographer was suddenly stirred to excitement.
"But you--you come from far away! You are an explorer! You shall describe your planet to me!"
And, having opened his big register, the geographer sharpened his pencil. The recitals of explorers are put down first in pencil. One waits until the explorer has furnished proofs, before putting them down in ink.
"Well?" said the geographer expectantly.
"Oh, where I live," said the little prince, "it is not very interesting. It is all so small. I have three volcanoes. Two volcanoes are active and the other is extinct. But one never knows."
"One never knows," said the geographer.
"I have also a flower."
"We do not record flowers," said the geographer.
"Why is that? The flower is the most beautiful thing on my planet!""We do not record them," said the geographer, "because they are ephemeral."
"What does that mean--'ephemeral'?"
"Geographies," said the geographer, "are the books which, of all books, are most concerned with matters of consequence. They never become old-fashioned. It is very rarely that a mountain changes its position. It is very rarely that an ocean empties itself of its waters. We write of eternal things."
"But extinct volcanoes may come to life again," the little prince interrupted. "What does that mean-- 'ephemeral'?"
"Whether volcanoes are extinct or alive, it comes to the same thing for us," said the geographer. "The thing that matters to us is the mountain. It does not change."
"But what does that mean--'ephemeral'?" repeated the little prince, who never in his life had let go of a question, once he had asked it.
"It means, 'which is in danger of speedy disappearance.'"
"Is my flower in danger of speedy disappearance?"
"Certainly it is."
"My flower is ephemeral," the little prince said to himself, "and she has only four thorns to defend herself against the world. And I have left her on my planet, all alone!"

That was his first moment of regret. But he took courage once more.
"What place would you advise me to visit now?" he asked.
"The planet Earth," replied the geographer. "It has a good reputation."
And the little prince went away, thinking of his flower

Curious George on Attachment

Mark and I spent all day yesterday in a required adoption class- where we learned that the term "reunion" is bad...and that you are supposed to say "was adopted” not "is adopted". We also watched an hour long video that was made when I was in about 7th grade about adoption- which had some merit- but was so outdated that it was difficult to watch. Mark and I felt like we could have finished the day in about 2 hours. Afterwards, we went with my close friend and her family to see the Curious George movie. Mark and I, almost simultaneously, said after the movie ended, that we learned more about attachment from Curious George and the Man in the Yellow Hat than in 5 hours of required adoption class. Honestly, the scene where George and than Man in the Yellow Hat are walking through the city and the monkey sees all of the children being loved by their parents and then he mimics every action was so well done. It even demonstrated how children will regress when they are attaching- at one point George curls up into the cradle position and sticks his thumb in his mouth...and then he sticks his thumb into The Man in the Yellow Hat's mouth...after which the audience of little kids all groaned "Grossssss!"

We are still only telling people about the adoption in a slow process. And of course we have upset people along the way. I guess everyone said to expect that. It is funny though, when I know someone knows about the adoption and they don't mention it. If I were 6 months pregnant right now everyone would be asking me how I am feeling and how things are going, have we thought about names, do we know about a referral yet...etc. We get some of that. But only from a very few people. It’s different. It’s different for us and for them. I think a lot of people just don't know what to say. Anyway, I am getting more and more excited, as is Mark. The kids are probably the most excited. Cal keeps wanting to talk about names. We looked at a bunch of the older waiting kids...just to see if one of them fit. That is not an easy thing to do. They are all beautiful and all deserve to have a home. We just keep praying that God will help the Barr kid in Ethiopia find his mom and dad (in yellow hats) quickly.

Homestudy is Done and Learing to Jump Rope

Today Mark and I, separately, signed our homestudy. Because it has been signed - it will now be sent to Adoption Alliance- who approves all homestudies for the State of Colorado. They say it will take about a week. We used International Adoption Net for our homestudy and have been really pleased.

IAN - Our Homestudy Agency

Signing the homestudy felt like a big deal. I don't know what part of the "pregnancy of adoption" it would be compared to, but its a huge thing to have done- the next huge thing is the dossier being sent and then of course the referral.

Milestones:

Deciding to Adopt
Choosing where you will adopt from
Choosing the kind of child you are interested in (infant or older child etc)
Choosing a homestudy agency
Choosing an adoption agency (if they are not the same place)
Completing your homestudy
Completing your dossier and sending it to you agency
Getting your 1600a fingerprints done
Getting your 171h (is that what its called??)
Getting a referral
Having the court date
Traveling to Ethiopia
Meeting your child/ren
Getting that paperwork completed
Bringing your child home - the birth.

I feel a real sense of accomplishment completing the homestudy. And most of the work is really done by someone else! It’s also really important to note that Phoebe has learned to jump rope and now jumps constantly. (See the post named "The Process".) So she is ready- just in case she is ever called to demonstrate this!

Getting Anxious

OK...so I am officially kind of freaking out about this...and getting more and more anxious. I feel like with my pregnancies it would always help to read all of those pregnancy books. I have a pretty big collection..because I would get new ones with each pregnancy. I would read them at night- about how the baby is developing, what is supposed to be happening...I would read birth stories...but I have to say - most of the books about adoption that I have- although they are great resources...they are really pretty depressing. So many issues of grief and attachment- that you frankly have to take a break from them for a while or you would never go through with it. There is one nice book- that I love because it is a great story of perseverance in an adoption in Zimbabwe.

Love in the Driest Season

So, I don't really know what to do to keep me from getting to anxious or overwhelmed by the idea of adding to our family...I keep reading that yahoo list...though it seems that I have probably cycled through a lot of the information. I have been saving any emails that seem like they may be helpful in the future. For instance, I have saved emails on traveling, completing a dossier, reading about transracial adoption, good web links etc. There are over 30 pages of emails- I think it has some great information that you are not going to get anywhere else- like who is the best cab driver to drive you around Addis Ababa - and how much he charges- or how much he charged before his name was given to over a 1,000 people on this Yahoo EthiopiaAdopt list! But now- it seems that many of the questions have been asked- we are cycling through. My favorite parts are reading about people who have had referrals or who are traveling soon. So I plan to write when that happens- to help someone like me get through the early waiting. This blog helps too. I hope our child/ren will grow up knowing how much we anticipated their arrival and how filled with hope and love we were. The kids keep asking- will this really happen? Cal said, "Mom will this happen? or will it be like that house where we looked and looked and thought it was ours and then it did not happen?" I told him it would happen. That is was not like the house. But I did not known when.

Brehane and Other Names

My email buddy is leaving to go and pick up her daughter tomorrow- she had emailed me about some book suggestions and I was emailing back. Her daughter has 4 beautiful names- her Ethiopian Name, two chosen names and the families last name, This is always a huge topic of discussion on the Yahoo list and people feel very strongly about it on both sides...either keeping the Ethiopian name or using a chosen name. I think a lot of people do what Heidi is doing and use all of the names and then call the child by their Ethiopian name but allow for flexibility...except the folks adopting infants- many of them seem to change the name and keep the Ethiopian name as a middle name- many- but not all. Since mark and I have really loved naming our children- and have made a real science out of it- lists and comparisons etc...We love talking about it and trying new ones out---even after the baby is born...I am sure this will be fun for us too. I did ask him what he thought the other night about the name..."Mark should we keep the Ethiopian name?" "Only if its not too odd with our name” We think most of the names aren't- and most are quite beautiful...but he doesn't want to feel tied to a name that really - for whatever reason would not work...for instance- at Children's Hospital- I kid you not - there is a women whose name is "Candy Barr". You may have noticed that our web address is "Brehane" (also spelled Berhane) this is a beautiful name that means: my light.

Here are two sites, which offer translations to many beautiful Ethiopian names:

My Ethiopian Name

Ethiopian Names

This is part of the email I wrote to Heidi, my friend about naming our other children:

"All the names are great and I think you are right to call her what she knows and then who knows once she is here and you guys are becoming more and more her mommy and daddy- other names may fit- and as you said she will have choices. I love that they can have choices. I have also always cherished the naming of my children. We have so many naming books its kind of comical and I still have lists from each kid...and none were named until after they were born. Madeline Elaine was almost Gabriella Elaine- and she has been called Maddie then for three years insisted on being called Madeline and now back to Maddie....Cal was nearly Henry Joseph- but we liked the nickname CJ and /or Cal and so we named him Caelan Joseph when he was close to 24 hours old- he is called almost exclusively "Cal" by everyone. Phoebe Darling (not from an obsession of Peter Pan- but my great grandmother was Nellie Darling) was not named for three days- the problem being that Madeline - who was 6 1/2 at the time preferred the other name we had chosen- "Miriam" (Mark's birth mother's last name- he is adopted) and we planned on calling the baby "Mimi"- when we had to break it to our little girl that no, in fact she couldn't name the baby- there was a lot of tears- from both of us! So, Phoebe is Phoebe and she has a best friend whose name is Phoebe and they are known as "The Phoebe's". The Phoebe's were in pre-k and K together and everyone called them by their first and middle names- to distinguish them- and so Phoebe for several years was always called "Phoebe Darling" and when we gave her that middle name- we never thought it would ever get used to that extent. Everyone thought we were from the South- not New York! :)

Yes its the middle of the night and I am rambling - I woke up not feeling well...so maybe this adoption is more and more like an actual pregnancy after all!"

CWA's First Kids!

As you know, our agency is very new at working on adoptions in Ethiopia. The exciting thing today is that 2 of their babies have gone through their court appointments and will hopefully be able to travel in the next 3-6 weeks. Its exciting to see that they have completed that process and will be even more exciting in a few weeks when they are able to send families to bring their children home. I have been emailing back and forth with one of the new mom's and she is very excited and it’s been great for me because I think I tend towards worrying about this and perseverating on the unknown. So it has been fun to get really excited about her daughter's court date. What does that mean for us? Well the orphanage that houses kids from infant through about age 3 holds about 16 children at a time. So as the kids are moved out of there and into their new parents arms- there will be room for new young children. That means that our little guy- who may not be in the orphanage yet may come into it at some point and then we would get our referral. Our referral is when we get a call and we are told about a child waiting for us and we get some medical information and any background that might be available and a photo. Then we can bring this info to our doctor or send it to a specialist like Dr. Aronson for review.

The Orphan Doctor

People send the info they have to Dr. Aronson and send in a fee and she will evaluate the info and provide an expert opinion on any issues your child may be facing or will need to deal with. This might be information related to TB testing, malnourishment or development among others. Well, now I just want to get the dossier done and sent!

Mark's Passport

Mark's Passport came today! I know there are several other things we are waiting for---like the homestudy...I thought it would be done by now- but its seems to take a long time for the social worker to pull together and then she has to run it by people who ask for changes and more information. And we also have to wait for clearance from the Colorado Bureau of Investigation. That seems to have taken awhile. Anyway, I am hoping that this Dossier can be sent off some time in the next couple of weeks- but maybe that is wishful thinking. I told my other good friend and coworker today. She was the jump up and hug you kind of excited. It was nice. It was kind of a hard day- so it was nice to end it that way.

Our Agency

Christian World Adoption

We chose this agency because after talking with most of the other agencies and after reading all of the material sent from the other agencies- we felt this was the best fit for our family. We liked that we shared the same faith and values. We liked that they were less expensive than the others, they did not have a lot of restrictions on who you may or may not adopt and they clearly have the children in mind first. They are the newest approved agency and so we knew that we would be dealing with some things that are unknown- like timelines and possible bumps in the road. To date they have not sent a family who has traveled to Ethiopia and brought home their child- but many families have had referrals. And we have been told to just be ready at any time for a referral. I kind of wish I had a little bit of an idea- for instance: "This will absolutely not happen this month- there are several families ahead of you." That would keep me from constantly checking messages and emails for any news...ok maybe it wouldn't help at all! The other agencies and their websites can be found here:

All US Approved Ethiopian Adoption Agencies

We feel that our agency is ethical, honest, has the best interest of the child in mind and has already put a significant amount of money into developing the program and helping the older Ethiopian children they are affiliated with. They have provided money towards school uniforms and supplies among other things. They brought home a video of about 30 kids from 3-12 years old and almost all of them already have families who have decided to adopt them, including a sibling set of 4 and a sibling set of 5! It’s amazing really. I am excited to be able to see the new video of even more children from their recent trip. Its great to watch the video and then see that these children who are older are finding families so fast. It will be wonderful to celebrate with those first few families who actually are able to bring their children home.

Maybe part of why we chose this agency was that it is kind of fun to watch this process from the beginning. The first family whose dossier has been sent, the first referrals, the first kids home...And to know that this program, which is growing so fast, will be able to have a significant impact on Ethiopian families long into the future, as some of the other Ethiopian adoption agencies have already experienced.