Tuesday, February 28, 2006

The Ride

Pictures from Durban South Africa June 2005 Reminding myself today to enjoy the ride. I have been so incredibly nervous and anxious- I guess something I have wanted for so very long- is finally really really close. The Dossier arrived at CWA today and we got an email saying that Tracy (our case manager) wanted to talk to us tomorrow about a referral. I have just told the folks I work with this news- yesterday and today. I felt like I needed to tell them once the Dossier was sent because I knew the referral was not far behind. I think my family is a bit stunned this is happening this fast. I knew it might be this fast. That is no surprise. but I am still very anxious that possibly tomorrow - or at least in the next few days. Our Barr family as we now know it will change forever. So I have been praying, not sleeping much, asking close friends to pray...and what is nice is God keeps sending me sweet messages of reassurance. For instance, this afternoon when I got the email about the referral...I could not get in touch with Mark and had no one to tell...and I was just sitting there frozen...gripped with anxiety. And my close friend Sarah, from New York, whom I have not even spoken to since she visited over New Years emailed me. She emailed me within 5 minutes or so of the email about the referral call and she said:

Hi Em,

Just thinking of you and wondering how you are doing. My Spidey-sense is tingling so I figure we should touch base.

Have you heard anything more about the new Barr kid? Do you need anything? I wish so much that I was there. It probably doesn't show but I am so happy and nervous and excited for you... Am I totally weird if I say it feels like a pregnancy from here?

I miss you terribly, please call me if you get a chance.

Love and hugs to all, Sarah

This along with connecting with another mom who is adopting from Ethiopia who has three children all the same ages as our children- and not just that but her youngest daughter and our youngest daughter were born on the same day. And as it turns out, Mark and I honeymooned in Savannah, GA and celebrated St Patrick’s Day there in 1992. This other mom was at that very same St. Paddy's Day parade. So we were at the same parade in Savannah GA in 1992...we were pregnant at the same time for all three of our kids, and we gave birth to our third child on the exact same day...and we are both requesting similar children from CWA and getting referrals at the exact same time.

It is so odd, and yet so reassuring at the same time. I have no idea why its reassuring, but getting text messages from my one brother and phone calls from the other and the calm voice of my sister on the other end of a voice mail. It all helps when things seem a bit overwhelming...as it is in international adoption. Yesterday we had our first flower pop out of the ground...it was really beautiful. It’s all part of the ride. The anxiety, the hope, the fear, and the wonder.

And so when I find myself just feeling like everything is so unknown. The kids are great in grounding me...they talk about really practical things like names and food - what will the child want to eat? Do they have Chicken Mcnuggets in Ethiopia? Will this child be scared of Max (we have decided that yes- the child will be scared of Max- I mean he chases Rabbits!) It’s all part of the ride.

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