Getting Anxious

OK...so I am officially kind of freaking out about this...and getting more and more anxious. I feel like with my pregnancies it would always help to read all of those pregnancy books. I have a pretty big collection..because I would get new ones with each pregnancy. I would read them at night- about how the baby is developing, what is supposed to be happening...I would read birth stories...but I have to say - most of the books about adoption that I have- although they are great resources...they are really pretty depressing. So many issues of grief and attachment- that you frankly have to take a break from them for a while or you would never go through with it. There is one nice book- that I love because it is a great story of perseverance in an adoption in Zimbabwe.

Love in the Driest Season

So, I don't really know what to do to keep me from getting to anxious or overwhelmed by the idea of adding to our family...I keep reading that yahoo list...though it seems that I have probably cycled through a lot of the information. I have been saving any emails that seem like they may be helpful in the future. For instance, I have saved emails on traveling, completing a dossier, reading about transracial adoption, good web links etc. There are over 30 pages of emails- I think it has some great information that you are not going to get anywhere else- like who is the best cab driver to drive you around Addis Ababa - and how much he charges- or how much he charged before his name was given to over a 1,000 people on this Yahoo EthiopiaAdopt list! But now- it seems that many of the questions have been asked- we are cycling through. My favorite parts are reading about people who have had referrals or who are traveling soon. So I plan to write when that happens- to help someone like me get through the early waiting. This blog helps too. I hope our child/ren will grow up knowing how much we anticipated their arrival and how filled with hope and love we were. The kids keep asking- will this really happen? Cal said, "Mom will this happen? or will it be like that house where we looked and looked and thought it was ours and then it did not happen?" I told him it would happen. That is was not like the house. But I did not known when.