Forever Day

"Mom, I don't know what that mean, 'forever'."

"Forever means that it goes on and on. It never stops. It means always."

"I don't know what that mean 'Forever Day'."

"Today is the day that mommy and daddy were in Ethiopia, one year ago, and Dagne gave you to us and we kept you forever. It means we will never give you back. You will always be our little boy, our baby boy...forever...never ending....always."

Adoption is forever. Never ends. Always.

Today we celebrated one year- had lunch at our favorite local Ethiopian Restaurant with my brother and my father. We celebrate one year ago today when our lives changed inexorably, beautifully, wonderfully and joyfully. Thanks to all of you who were here along the way.

Here is one year ago....

What Ethiopia Spends on Healthcare

This is one of my all time favorite blogs. It's written by an American Man who is living as an Ex-pat in Ethiopia with his wife and child- and two cats-oh and a dog. His latest entry is worth repeating. Please click here to read it. It is short and to the point. And stunning I might add. It's no wonder my Maren looks like a 3 or 4 year old when he is really much older. He came from the poorest part of one of the worlds poorest countries.
Ferenge Blog on Health Care Expenditures in Ethiopia

Yabsera's first haircut

This was taken on a hike a few weeks before the haircut.
Before....
Hmmmmmm.......
Bald! :(
All 4 kids got a cut- but you cant even tell Cal's was cut!

The Cousins and Maren's 3rd birthday in one year

Maren has his 3rd and final birthday since he came home...the other day he said "when is my birthday?" I said...now you have to wait like everyone else for a WHOLE YEAR! When we got him he was supposed to be three but he was really older so we have aged him up with little parties throughout the year. My sister in-law makes a cool tablecoth with each year on it so people can sign it. So we have signed 4, 5, and 6. But its kind of sad to have 1, 2 and 3 all empty!

Cal and Yabsera- pre haircut
The cousins!!

The Dedication

Maren and Yabsera were dedicated the Sunday after Easter. It was beautiful. We had just started going to a new church and we met with the pastors prior to the dedication and in just that short they got the true essence of both boys. I would like to type here what the pastor prayed over them because it was beautiful. I remember he said that Yabsera was a "Son of Ethiopia" and he would return to his country one day. And he said that Maren's joy reaches everyone like his smile that extends from the east to the west.

Here is my verse fro Yabsera, whose name means "The work of God".
Isaiah 43:5-7:
5 Do not be afraid, for I am with you;
I will bring your children from the east and gather you from the west.
6 I will say to the north, 'Give them up!' and to the south, 'Do not hold them back.' Bring my sons from afar and my daughters from the ends of the earth-
7 everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory,
whom I formed and made."

Here is my verse for Maren. His name means "Have Mercy".

Psalm 30:10-1210
Hear, O LORD, and be merciful to me; O LORD, be my help."
11 You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, 12 that my heart may sing to you and not be silent.
O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever.
Here is Maren's teacher who came- Mrs. Peterson. She is just like Miss Frizzle and Maren has learned so much from her! We are so thankful to her for her patience and cultural sensitivity. We will miss her.
Here is Mark's sister, Sharon and her husband P. These are Maren's Godparents and he just loves them so much! They came all the way from New York to be with us.
This is Mark's side of the family. His mom, his sister and brother -in-law and our niece and nephews and our kids of course!

Please Pray for Lucas

Hey all- This is one of my favorite blogs - on my blog roll its called "My wake up call" because he really pushes you to think outside the box. Anyway- his son has suffered severe burns and is asking for prayer, You can read about it here:
Pray for Lucas!

They recently brought home their kids from Ethiopia afer a very long wait.

Easter with the Boys, one year later

Last Easter this is what I wrote. So here I am one year later and - its true- we had a huge group around our table (the photo below is all the "kids" who were there). I do remember life before Maren and Yabsera- but barely. It's a distant memory. I love my kids so much and can't imagine not having all of them! It was icy cold for the egg hunt- and Maren did not really "get it" until there were only a few eggs left- he was moving along so slow looking for big eggs and pretty eggs while all of the American born and raised egg hunters were out to get as many eggs as possible...as soon as there were only a few left- it clicked...and then he was running around like crazy- but it was a little too late...but now he knows...

Pastor Bob Barr

My husband's father, Bob Barr, was born in Malawi Africa. His brother and sister -in-law still live their and work with SIM Malawi. Their kids are still their and have started Kindle Orphan Outreach. Bob was a pastor of a large non-denominational community church in Fairport N.Y. He died 16 years ago of ALS. Even though Mark and I met in high school and were very good friends, I did not know his dad at all really, which was odd. It is odd to be so close to someone and not really know someone who is so important to them. When his father was diagnosed I was a sophomore in College. I remember getting the phone call and I am pretty sure I said something really stupid because I did not know what ALS was. I did not know that you die from it. I remember Mark was frustrated with me when he called me. We stayed close during this time while Mark left school and ultimately went home to live with his dad during his last years. I know that time with his father is precious. We were dating by the time I actually sat down and had a conersation with Pastor Bob. He was 3 years into the diagnosis and the conversation was done via a computer "light talker" because one of the first things he lost was his voice - wouldn't you know it - the man whose profession was speaking and who had an incredible singing voice- looses the voice before other muscle groups. It is different in everyone. That conversation felt a lot like the "I need to meet the person whom my son will spend the rest of his life with" even though we were not engaged and I was leaving for California, it is like he knew that. (Maybe Mark had told him)

Anyway- he died on April 2, 1991- and we were remembering this yesterday when there was a Frontline episode on ALS called "So Much So Fast". It was too much of a coincidence. The story is a remarkable one (like many ALS stories) of a man who was only 29 when he was diagnosed and he was in love and he got married and had a baby- all while he was loosing his ability to walk, talk, hold that baby, and hug his wife.

They call it an "orphan disease" because there are not enough people who have it to finance the amount of research that needs to be done to provide medication or a cure for this disease. And when you are disgnosed you are lucky to live 2-4 years so people do not live long enough to become really vocal or take up the enormous cause. But this family, that was on Frontline, did. I wish I had a picture of Bob to post for you...but I don't so here is his son. My love. With his baby boy.

Cousins, Cousins, and more Cousins...

We had so much fun with all the cousins on Emily's side of the family in Colonial Williamsburg...we have 10 grandkids from 18 to 4 months old....Here they are marching through town...
We went to an amusement park and the only thing Yabsera could play in was this egg...
Carolyn was the first born and she is now in college...she loves her little cousins so much. She was the one who just yelped with joy when she heard we were adopting from Ethiopia. She is an amazing and Godly woman and inspires me so much and I am so very proud of her.
When we left we had to get one shot with all the kids...the money shot!
I will have to post more photos from the trip because there are so many really fun pictures- but I have to get back on a plane tomorrow- three trips to the east coast in three weeks...my head doesn't know which way is up and I have no idea what time zone I am supposed to feel like I am in!

HIV Links As Promised

Sorry this took so long to post. I know several of you have been waiting for this...This is a list of helpful links to learn more about HIV and AIDS. Much of this information pertains to living with HIV here in the USA. Its not as pretty in other parts of the world and the stigma is worse in other parts of the world. The stigma is what causes many of the problems and also is at the root of the rapidly growing transmission. If we can stop the stigma here at home, and work on ending it abroad change can occur.

The Elizabeth Glaser Foundation for Pediatric AIDS


NPHRC at the François-Xavier Bagnoud Center in partnership with the Center for HIV Information at UCSF provides the latest and most current information on mother and child HIV infection

From that same site you can navigate to a link that has global and country specific information and links on HIV/AIDS in other countries and around the world.

New York State DOH site: Excellent site with all of the current guidelines on testing, treatment, and psychosocial issues related to Pediatric HIV

One of the better and most accurate site on Living with HIV or for information about HIV on the internet. Used by health care professionals as well as people living with HIV. Not specifically pediatric focused but a lot of great links and accurate information.

An excellent site devoted to women with HIV. A great site for up to date information on pregnancy and HIV, and what your child will be coping with as an adult woman with HIV. There is also useful information on disclosure for children.

A good list (though not exhaustive) of summer camps and programs designed for kids living with HIV as well as their uninfected siblings.

The Children’s Hospital’s Pediatric HIV Program is where I work.

Articles and Links specifically related to adoption of an HIV infected child

This is an article written about international adoption of HIV infected children.


The following two abstracts were written and presented back when there were many children in the USA with HIV who were living in hospitals and institutions (1989,1990). These abstracts show that it is possible to adopt these children and discusses the support systems put in place for this scenario some 16 years ago. This is now commonplace in the USA and there are many adoptive families raising children with HIV.

The first abstract
The second abstract

This is an article about the founder of “Chances by Choice” who is helping to find families for children with HIV all over the world.


Here is the Chances by Choice website.


This is a short article highlighting the fact that children living with HIV in the United States are now living with a chronic condition verses a fatal condition. There are many studies and articles out there that show this change in the long term prognosis of children living with HIV in the US.

This is the link to the AHOPE website.

And finally one of the foremost champions of HIV infected children around the world, Jane Aronson MD, who also has good information on HIV testing in Ethiopian Adoptions.

The World Wide Orphans Site

"Freedom" is just another word for "nothing left to loose"

CWA, Christian World Adoption, in their infinite wisdom did me the service of cutting me off. I can no longer post on their web board and they have erased any posts I did write...so anything about HIV testing, medical information, travel information, information about the Guest House where we stayed - all gone. I guess I was being a subversive. Some would call it "Christ Like" (But I wouldn't go that far). Below is what they posted recently about meeting birth families after only the third family traveled to Sodo and actually met two of their three adopted children's birth families. I guess this caused a firestorm on the CWA web board of people talking about the pros and cons of meeting their child's birth families.
Seems easy. Let's see folks:

Cons: Its hard, they might ask you for money and you have to say no, birth family might be emotional, you might be emotional, child might be emotional (but all of that is ok, right?...I mean its sad right?)

Pros: The child will desire this information. Your child WILL want to see a photo, he will want to hear any tidbit of info you can give him about where he came from, that is a guarantee. Ask anyone. Read it in any adoption book. Its the ABC's of Adoption.

A: Adopt the child into your heart and make him your own
B: Bring their story with you from their birth family to your family
C: Connect the dots for your child so he doesn't feel unending gaping bottomless pit of sadness as he grows and wonders about where he came from.

They (CWA) wrote this email out, right after they wrote an email saying that families could travel to the orphanages from where their kids came from. But then a family did it and now more families want to do this, so they wrote this email- I have cut the top part off about the laws of orphanages in Ethiopia and am just including the part where they want to discourage people from actually traveling to the regions where their children are from and from seeking out any remaining birth families:

"Here are some things to consider if you choose to pursue meeting your child's biological family:

1. These are closed adoptions. CWA and CWAE are not able to facilitate family meetings, contact biological families, make travel or lodging arrangements. What? Closed? I thought the Ethiopian Government encouraged families to meet their child's birth family? See Revised Family Code Article 183 from the Ethiopian Government.

2. Giving a biological family contact information may give other biological families the impression that ALL adoptive families will give them their contact information. Not every family is willing to do this. Duh.


3. The biological family may go to the orphanage that placed their child and see post adoption report photos and hear a summary of the report, but neither CWA, CWAE, nor the orphanage will share contact adoptive family contact information. Does the birth family know they can do this? And what about the time when the birth family actually did get the contact information and contacted the family in the USA and asked them for money? OOPS!

4. Giving a biological family money can be construed as child buying and this could cause legal problems for the orphanage and CWA/CWAE. Duh. No one is doing this. Only two families have even met birth family and they did not do this. Interesting that the CWAE staff might have been construed as encouraging it though. Also interesting that CWA has hired birth mothers (two to be exact- that we know of).

5. Giving a child's biological family money may give other children's biological families the impression that ALL adoptive families will give them money. Not every family is willing to do this. See above. You already said this.

6. Orphanages don't have family counseling resources for biological families.
Why not? Seems that since it costs hardly anything to employ someone in Ethiopia, and we all know they need the jobs, that providing a staff member who is dedicated to provide grief counseling for the families who are now grieving the loss of their children should be very high up on your list of priorities. Just one of your many Business class tickets to Ethiopia should cover the cost of several Ethiopian Staff. You could have several people dedicated to this type of counseling. How about counseling birth families before they make their decision to find out if its in the child's best interest to be posted on the "waiting children website" that seems like it should be at the top of the list of things to do. You have the money...so do it. Do the right thing.


We all understand the love you have for your child or children and your desires to know more about them. Our goal is to educate you and help you to make wise decisions. Thank you for your time, your understanding and your willingness to try to understand and respect the country and people of Ethiopia." And thank you for respecting the children you are placing for adoption and the families who gave birth to them. It's simple.

and thank God for HB Whipple.....

"All we want in Christ, we shall find in Christ. If we want little, we shall find little. If we want much, we shall find much; but if, in utter helplessness, we cast our all on Christ, He will be to us the whole treasury of God."

-- Henry Benjamin Whipple

A Day in the Life

Here is the day in the life of Emily...I got this idea from Mary over at Owlhaven . I chose March 1st because one year ago today was the day we got our referral for our Ethiopian Adoption. We had fed exed out Dossier the day before and Tracy at CWA had the referral just waiting for us...that was back in the day when you did not even wait for a referral. We had asked for a toddler boy and an older child of either gender who would be less than 7. We got Maren and Yabsera. A baby and a three year old going on 30. One year later we have the toddler boy and the older child who is less than 7 (just slightly). So, here I am...its March 1,2007 and I am not up in time for work...at this point Mark has already left with Cal and Madeline...I am getting ready for work. I have to figure out (every morning) how to make the bed with the beagle sleeping in the middle of it.




This is a verse that my close friend Shelley made me- she sent me several little verses and I have hung them all over my house- this one is in my bathroom so I can start each day contemplating it. I met Shelley through CWA. Her boys and my boys were in the orphanage together, they are like brothers and we are like sisters.

Then when I am all ready to go, I come out and Yabsera is always standing there ready for hugs and kisses...sometimes he is banging on the shower door. He is usually pretty stinky at this point and needs a bath!


Phoebe then comes running for her morning kisses- of which she steals many from me.

I look up and Maren has his hand in a jar of Chocolate covered raisins. Left over from our Oscar party. He knows this is wrong and yet he does this right in front of our nanny, Genet's, nose!

Here is Genet. She is trying to encourage some other choices for breakfast. I take the raisinettes and put them up very high.

Genet loves Yabsera...she says that he speaks Amharic. She swears on it. All he can do in English is sing "Happy birthday to you!" It's quite cute actually. We have started to see if we can only sing to him to get him to speak English.

We have had some beautiful weather in Denver. We have more sunny days than San Diego or Miami believe it or not- but not this winter. Here is me driving to work...

Here is where I work...I work in the HIV clinic.

We used to be in the main hospital. But HIV does not bring in as much money as cardiology so we got moved across the street.
Now we are here.
I left my badge in my office..but I am lucky that Patty comes in early so she could let me in. This is me stuck outside.
This is Patty. She is one of the nurses I work with. Our clinic would never be the same without her. The families LOVE her and so do we!
This is Neferttiti. She is a huge help to me and I could not do what i do without her!
This is my office. I spend a lot of time here. These are some of my pictures...if you saw Survivor Australia then you will recognize the man I am with in the photo at the top of my bulletin board. It is Jeff from survivor Australia (my favorite season and my favorite guy on that season) He took a million dollar bite of peanut butter. Back in the day I just couldn't believe a guy would give up a million dollars for a bite of peanut butter. I get it now.
This is the other side of my desk...more pictures of my kids and my family and some of my patients. the white binders are all studies I work on for kids, youth and pregnant woman with HIV. Most of those are local studies but some are international. It's what brought me to South Africa and ultimately to Ethiopia. HIV and AIDS.
This is where I sit and work. My computer. We are getting ready for a big site monitoring visit. This takes a lot of time. We have to check our work in minute detail and its very time consuming and also one of the parts of my job I don't like. But since I am good at that part of my job they just give me more and more and more of it.
This is Kathleen. She is a research assistant. We work closely. I was bugging her so much this week. Every time she sat down to eat I would yell through the wall, "Where is that HIV RNA PCR on that 1059 study patient?!?" and she would curse me under her breath. She works very hard. I goof off and want to talk about LOST a lot.
I gave my camera to my patient. This patient wins the prize for being so darling. I wish i could have taken a picture of her freckles. But since I work with kids with HIV I have to be very careful about confidentiality and really if you saw her freckles then you would know her immediately.

These are her feet, her mom's feet, and my striped feet. Th other set of feet are Patty's. She thought we were taking pictures of people's feet with one shoe on and one shoe off...she is a bit crazy if you ask me!
It is fitting that on this day, March 1, 2007 when I am celebrating one year from my referral, one year since I saw photos of my two youngest children, that I would see one of our Ethiopian Families in clinic. I actually met relatives of this family while in Addis! This little person- who is also very sweet and adorable- has HIV. I had this little friend take pictures of our hands. wish I could show you. Because you would see that you cannot see HIV when looking at this face. Not even slightly.
We just finished our blood draw.....this amazing little human being is so brave- I wish I could have shown you the whole thing!
At Children's Hospital we have this very cool ball machine. Its just the coolest and most mesmerizing thing. Its in front of the lab. Behind the ball machine are two of my patients. Again, trying to be discreet!

I say goodbye to my freind. The mom and Dad are wonderful, loving and kind and want to cook for me- I am happy about this because I love Ethiopian food and so do my baby boys!
This is my car when I come back out to leave. I leave early enough to pick up my kids from school. Today was supposed to be a great day. It was hard in some ways because of some things that CWA did to me that day. CWA is the agency I used for my Ethiopian Adoption. I was surprised and hurt by some of the things they have done...but today was one of the worst. I got in my car and headed to the school.
I was late getting Maren. He was the only kid left- but his wonderful teacher (who reminds me of Miss Frizzle from the Magic School Bus) said I could take their picture!
Notice his fly is down, he is not wearing his winter coat, no mittens, and the lovely pink boots...but he is most concerned about his Chinese Lantern that he made for Chinese New Year. He does not want it to get wet. Monday will be "Ethiopia" day in their trip around the world!


Ahhhh....Home at last...time to take the valentine flag down and put up the St. Patricks Day Flag!
Genet- ready to go...as soon as I come home she is in the car. Yabsera is sad to see her go...
but happy to see his mama...
Maren has his snack and cuddles up with his bear...and one of his cars...


Soon I am back in the car to pick up Phoebe from school...she had an art class!
It's not long before I find Maren asleep on the couch- and dinner is not even here yet.
Mark is working late and has ordered up Pizza! Which the dog is trying to steal from the baby.
And the baby thinks it's funny...
Maren goes to bed without any supper and no jammies- he was REALLY tired! He is still in his coat!

Phoebe sleeps among her animals...
And I get ready to watch LOST! (I like this part of my day a lot!)
But before I can enjoy the show I check on Cal and Maddie who are being loud upstairs....
My husband is home now and ready to watch LOST! with me- he will, however, fall asleep at about 5 minutes into the show...like clockwork!
Before bed, I check my email. I read my emails from my close friends who have helped me get through this hard day- by sharing verses, warm words, encouraging thoughts and gratitude. I love them. Also, one of my best friends is in Ethiopia right now meeting her three new children! She will bring her boys home and have to go back to bring her daughter home in a few months. So, I am praying for her and checking for updates on their trip to Sodo where my boys are from.
Finally, in bed, with the dog and TIVO

Good night!