Letter to CWA

By the way- I have MANY letters I have written to CWA- most lie safely in my "drafts" file- but one day I might have to get them out- they have never responded to anything I have written - even when multiple families participated in the writing of the letter to an action that affected everyone. But here is the letter I sent to Tomilee Harding- If you wonder why I am still speaking out about CWA it is because they have consistently participated in falsifying adoption records, lying to adoptive parents, avoiding the truth when it puts them at risk even when it affects a child and his or her family forever. And this next plan to build a place where they can truly harvest Ethiopian babies makes my stomach turn. If you think I am exaggerating watch this video and imagine yourself a young pregnant woman in Ethiopia- who perhaps was turned away by her family, was abused, who may have been raped and you need help- tell me placing these women in a camp with orphans being adopted and adoptive families always around would not feel coercive in relinquishing your infant- you would surely see that the child had a "way out" and you would easily be convinced that you could see this child again- that maybe even this child will grow up and come back and take care of you. You would not know the truth and the grief until it was "too late." Click here to watch the video on Acacia Village

Here is the letter I wrote to CWA today. It has to do with the change in our law allowing people with HIV to come to the US without a Waiver.

Dear Ms Harding:
You wonder why you are having to deal with the repercussions of your deceit. I think much of goes back to your reasons for not wanting to assist families in adopting children with HIV; siblings of children whose adoptions you were facilitating...because it was "bad for America". The statements you made back then about HIV just helped to promote fear and stigma. CWA should have been the first agency to facilitate adoptions of children with HIV instead of facilitating false adoptions under false pretenses. I saw a recent picture of Acacia village and it is not even close to being done- you really need to be careful what you say or your hole will get so deep it will bury you.

Below are the remarks on finally dissolving the waiver process for families adopting children with HIV, as well as allowing other visitors and immigrants in who have HIV. So, now that "America" says its ok to come to the US if you have HIV- would you be willing to facilitate an adoption of an HIV+ child?

Thanks
Emily Barr


"We often speak about AIDS as if it's going on somewhere else. And for good reason -- this is a virus that has touched lives and decimated communities around the world, particularly in Africa. But often overlooked is the fact that we face a serious HIV/AIDS epidemic of our own -- right here in Washington, D.C., and right here in the United States of America. And today, we are taking two important steps forward in the fight that we face here at home.It has been nearly three decades since this virus first became known. But for years, we refused to recognize it for what it was. It was coined a "gay disease." Those who had it were viewed with suspicion. There was a sense among some that people afflicted by AIDS somehow deserved their fate and that it was acceptable for our nation to look the other way. A number of events and advances over the years have broadened our understanding of this cruel illness. One of them came in 1984, when a 13-year-old boy from central Indiana contracted HIV/AIDS from a transfusion. Doctors assured people that Ryan White posed no risk to his classmates or his community. But ignorance was still widespread. People didn't yet understand or believe that the virus couldn't be spread by casual contact. Parents protested Ryan's attendance in class. Some even pulled their kids out of school. Things got so bad that the White family had to ultimately move to another town.It would have been easy for Ryan and his family to stay quiet and to fight the illness in private. But what Ryan showed was the same courage and strength that so many HIV-positive activists have shown over the years and shown around -- show around the world today. And because he did, we didn't just become more informed about HIV/AIDS, we began to take action to fight it. In 1990, the year Ryan passed away, two great friends and unlikely political allies, Ted Kennedy and Orrin Hatch, came together and introduced the Comprehensive AIDS Resources Emergency Act -- the CARE Act -- which was later named after Ryan." "But it will also take an effort to end the stigma that has stopped people from getting tested; that has stopped people from facing their own illness; and that has sped the spread of this disease for far too long. A couple of years ago Michelle and I were in Africa and we tried to combat the stigma when we were in Kenya by taking a public HIV/AIDS test. And I'm proud to announce today we're about to take another step towards ending that stigma. Twenty-two years ago, in a decision rooted in fear rather than fact, the United States instituted a travel ban on entry into the country for people living with HIV/AIDS. Now, we talk about reducing the stigma of this disease -- yet we've treated a visitor living with it as a threat. We lead the world when it comes to helping stem the AIDS pandemic -- yet we are one of only a dozen countries that still bar people from HIV from entering our own country. If we want to be the global leader in combating HIV/AIDS, we need to act like it. And that's why, on Monday my administration will publish a final rule that eliminates the travel ban effective just after the New Year. Congress and President Bush began this process last year, and they ought to be commended for it. We are finishing the job. It's a step that will encourage people to get tested and get treatment, it's a step that will keep families together, and it's a step that will save lives. We are continuing the work of crafting a coordinated, measurable national HIV/AIDS strategy to stem and suppress this epidemic. I'm pleased to report that the Office of National AIDS Policy, led by Jeffrey Crowley, has already held eight in a series of 14 community discussions in cities across the country. They've brought together faith-based organizations and businesses, schools and research institutions, people living with HIV and concerned citizens, gathering ideas on how to target a national response that effectively reduces HIV infections, improves access to treatment, and eliminates health disparities. And we are encouraged by the energy, the enthusiasm, and great ideas that we've collected so far. We can't give Ryan White back to Jeanne, back to his mom. But what we can do -- what the legislation that I'm about to sign has done for nearly 20 years -- is honor the courage that he and his family showed. What we can do is to take more action and educate more people. What we can do is keep fighting each and every day until we eliminate this disease from the face of the Earth."

Birthday's Not Celebrated, Birthday's Celebrated

Traditionally birthdays are not celebrated in many parts of Ethiopia. They are not even remembered. When I was there I met Hanna at the Addis Kiddan Guest House and I was asking her about this and she said that in fact, what I had heard was true, they do not celebrate them. When I asked her how old she was she said she did not know- she just always says 28. And she was serious, not like here where we would like to forget. It would be easy to forget how old you were if you never really had to keep track of that.

We still have to think when people ask us how old Michael is- I mean I finally think I have it down now that he turned 6. I feel like I can say "Six." more and more without explaining that he if probably really 7. And its really bad when poeple ask what are the birthdays of our two youngest because we always have to think and remember what it says on the official paperwork and what we have decided on our own and what we have heard from the birth family. What is amazing- at least with the infants- if CWA (Christian World Adoption) would just ask the person who brought the child a simple list of intake questions- they would get a fairly exact birthday- these women remember when they birthed their babies, "It was the second Sunday after the Ethiopian New Year. I remember it was a Sunday because we had gone to Market the day before." They KNOW. Or "How old is the child?" the grandfather replies, "He was five when we brought him to CWA." If they KNOW this then why does the child suddenly become this child without a story- with no history, with an age being guessed after a 5 minute visit with a doctor? Even the nannies at CWA felt that Michael was older than 3...why not at least listen to them? He was very very small- wearing 18 month old clothes- clothes that no longer fit our 2 1/2 year old baby boy- so I can see why a child who was probably deathly silent at the doctors would be called 3...but once around him for 24 hours the staff at the Addis Kiddan Guest House KNEW he was older just by having conversations with him and watching him play. So here are some pictures from two years ago when we went and met Michael and Yabsera- I tried to pick ones that showed you how really small this kid was....

Here is Michael at the Addis Kiddan Guest House with a Soccer ball we bought from the guy down the street for a buck. We gave it to Ahope when we left. See how he compares with the size of a smallish soccer ball?
Here he is eating at the Ghion- it was amazing to watch this kid eat! He would put so much food away and then at the end he would tear the napkin into strips so he could share the one napkin with you- he would then mash up the food for you and try to get you to eat it- it was clearly what he saw the older people in his life do. Note that he is standing at one of those low ET tables.
Here he is at the lake...um...which lake guys? I can't remember- the one with the "resorts" at it...
Here he is playing with the sprinkler in the yard at the guest house...the shorts were 2T sized and he was swimming in them.
Here is Michael Maren's birth grandfather. A farmer from a remote village in South West Ethiopia- arguable one of the poorest areas of one of the worlds poorest countries. Why was Michael so darned small for his age? He had very little food. He could hardly walk when he came to CWA. They commented on this when they talked about him- that they let him go because he was "So smart" they knew he would be ok- and they mentioned that he was often "angry" because he stomach hurt...why did his stomach hurt? "He was hungry all the time." This is his house. He is proud of it- because its so big. They are holding his photo album- and they are proud of him for doing something so darn difficult.
These are the people who cared for Michael when he was sick, and hungry, and very very small- all waving to him and in the video clip they are singing to him. Its beautiful. But notice the child with the orange hair- indicating severe malnutrition. It breaks my heart to feel so far away from his roots and not be able to do much to help them directly. I just love the joy on their faces- can you see it? There is real joy here even in this difficult state.

So- fast forward to two years later- Michael is turning 6- in America time- in the Ethiopian world he is 7...on paper he is 5! (Are you starting to understand the confusion? We Americans really like dates and birthdays a whole lot...) So here is the Ethiopian born American little boy on his 6th birthday. "Michael what would you like to do its your birthday?" "I know! I have a GREAT idea! Lets put blankets on the porch and all eat outside!" "Ok, good idea- but what would you like to eat? Its your birthday meal?" "Macaroni and Cheese!" It was by far the easiest birthday ever. He would have been happy to get one small toy car quite honestly.
He set it all up himself and told us all where to sit. And it occurred to me that - back in the village somewhere in South West Ethiopia, this was how his birth family would be sharing a meal. Sitting on the ground together in song.

And notice how he sits in this photo and then look back at the one with the soccer ball from two years ago- same kid- sitting the exact same way...but that child was sacred and angry (he has told us that many times- how angry he was because he was so scared the whole time he was with CWA and when we came to bring him home) and this child- this 6 year old- has joy.

Many candles...one wish...to go back to Ethiopia and see everyone!

....and Yabsera...he just wants his cake....now....please??????

The Other 5,999,268

The New York Times Article on Ethiopian Adoption

In the article they point out how fast adoptions in Ethiopia have grown over the past few years and cite the pitfalls of growing too rapidly, including bringing up a scenario with the agency we used CWA (Christian World Adoption). In the article they speculate that the mix up of three babies was a mistake that could happen when an agency grows too fast. What is not pointed out is that, I believe we all recognize there is human error involved, but it's how the agency chose to handle it after the mistake had been made where I find fault. How they dealt with it and how they are dealing with it is where there is room for improvement.

I also found myself saddened to read that Ethiopia is one of the few countries who not only encourages but asks that you meet the birth family and learn from them for the child you are bringing home. Its very progressive and its what we know to be a good thing for adopted children. They need to have the story and see pictures. This helps when you have been plucked from the only place and people you know and brought half way around the world to a place where there are new smells, strange food, funny sounds, and a different language. It helps to know you were loved in Ethiopia and these are the people who loved you.

I am sad because CWA did not allow, encourage or help us meet any birth family. In fact the one thing that we hoped to have was the ability to meet our kids in the care center where they spent the last 6 months of their lives. Talk with the nannies, take pictures of them with their friends...how nice it would have been to come home and when Maren was so sad and grieving to pull out an album with his friends in it so he could look at them and talk about them?

That was the part of the article that made me sad. So choose your agency wisely. We went into it being told one thing and ended up with something else.

Bottom line- I am so glad that people everywhere are adopting from Ethiopia- with nearly 6 million orphans - the 732 kids brought to the US last year (2 of whom are my Maren and Yabsera)- are just a drop in the bucket. So much more needs to be done. Adoption is a bandaid really.

Its a wonderful thing for 732 kids and the families it affects on both sides... but its not the only answer...what about the other 5,999,268?

"Freedom" is just another word for "nothing left to loose"

CWA, Christian World Adoption, in their infinite wisdom did me the service of cutting me off. I can no longer post on their web board and they have erased any posts I did write...so anything about HIV testing, medical information, travel information, information about the Guest House where we stayed - all gone. I guess I was being a subversive. Some would call it "Christ Like" (But I wouldn't go that far). Below is what they posted recently about meeting birth families after only the third family traveled to Sodo and actually met two of their three adopted children's birth families. I guess this caused a firestorm on the CWA web board of people talking about the pros and cons of meeting their child's birth families.
Seems easy. Let's see folks:

Cons: Its hard, they might ask you for money and you have to say no, birth family might be emotional, you might be emotional, child might be emotional (but all of that is ok, right?...I mean its sad right?)

Pros: The child will desire this information. Your child WILL want to see a photo, he will want to hear any tidbit of info you can give him about where he came from, that is a guarantee. Ask anyone. Read it in any adoption book. Its the ABC's of Adoption.

A: Adopt the child into your heart and make him your own
B: Bring their story with you from their birth family to your family
C: Connect the dots for your child so he doesn't feel unending gaping bottomless pit of sadness as he grows and wonders about where he came from.

They (CWA) wrote this email out, right after they wrote an email saying that families could travel to the orphanages from where their kids came from. But then a family did it and now more families want to do this, so they wrote this email- I have cut the top part off about the laws of orphanages in Ethiopia and am just including the part where they want to discourage people from actually traveling to the regions where their children are from and from seeking out any remaining birth families:

"Here are some things to consider if you choose to pursue meeting your child's biological family:

1. These are closed adoptions. CWA and CWAE are not able to facilitate family meetings, contact biological families, make travel or lodging arrangements. What? Closed? I thought the Ethiopian Government encouraged families to meet their child's birth family? See Revised Family Code Article 183 from the Ethiopian Government.

2. Giving a biological family contact information may give other biological families the impression that ALL adoptive families will give them their contact information. Not every family is willing to do this. Duh.


3. The biological family may go to the orphanage that placed their child and see post adoption report photos and hear a summary of the report, but neither CWA, CWAE, nor the orphanage will share contact adoptive family contact information. Does the birth family know they can do this? And what about the time when the birth family actually did get the contact information and contacted the family in the USA and asked them for money? OOPS!

4. Giving a biological family money can be construed as child buying and this could cause legal problems for the orphanage and CWA/CWAE. Duh. No one is doing this. Only two families have even met birth family and they did not do this. Interesting that the CWAE staff might have been construed as encouraging it though. Also interesting that CWA has hired birth mothers (two to be exact- that we know of).

5. Giving a child's biological family money may give other children's biological families the impression that ALL adoptive families will give them money. Not every family is willing to do this. See above. You already said this.

6. Orphanages don't have family counseling resources for biological families.
Why not? Seems that since it costs hardly anything to employ someone in Ethiopia, and we all know they need the jobs, that providing a staff member who is dedicated to provide grief counseling for the families who are now grieving the loss of their children should be very high up on your list of priorities. Just one of your many Business class tickets to Ethiopia should cover the cost of several Ethiopian Staff. You could have several people dedicated to this type of counseling. How about counseling birth families before they make their decision to find out if its in the child's best interest to be posted on the "waiting children website" that seems like it should be at the top of the list of things to do. You have the money...so do it. Do the right thing.


We all understand the love you have for your child or children and your desires to know more about them. Our goal is to educate you and help you to make wise decisions. Thank you for your time, your understanding and your willingness to try to understand and respect the country and people of Ethiopia." And thank you for respecting the children you are placing for adoption and the families who gave birth to them. It's simple.

and thank God for HB Whipple.....

"All we want in Christ, we shall find in Christ. If we want little, we shall find little. If we want much, we shall find much; but if, in utter helplessness, we cast our all on Christ, He will be to us the whole treasury of God."

-- Henry Benjamin Whipple

Oh Come On!

Is it still possible in this day and age that people still think they can "catch" HIV from a child? From a hug? From holding a hand? Is it possible that the stigma of HIV and AIDS is still so deep...wait a sec...How on earth did it get so deep when this disease has hardly even been around...I mean it really "appeared" only 20 or 30 years ago...how does that happen?

We have a young guy in clinic who needs medication - but we cannot start him on medication because he lives in a house with a lot of people who do not know he has HIV and he is TERRIFIED to tell them. This could quite possibly kill this man. The fear of the reactions of the people he loves the most in this world.

Jesus must just cringe when walking among us. (I am certain he spends a lot of time looking at me cross-eyed) So if HIV is the modern day leprosy...then why wouldn't Christians want to do everything they can do help those who suffer with this horrible disease? It is quite clear it is what Christ would have us do. When caring for and loving people with HIV are we not showing love for Christ himself?

Why would a Christian Adoption Agency say that they will not facilitate the adoption of an HIV positive child? I can tell you that it’s out of ignorance and fear. (And, I can't help it, it’s also out of stupidity)

I sat in a meeting yesterday with several government officials where we had to identify the major challenges we face in successfully treating young people and pregnant women with HIV...would you believe one of the major challenges was stigma and disclosure? And then we had to make an "Action Plan" (These were government folks you see...)

I said, "This is so huge...its something that has to change on a societal level...how do we do that?" It seems like a drop in the overflowing bucket. Its like saying "Oh there are 20 million orphans in Africa- we brought home 2." What good is that in the big picture?

I once took care of a sweet little girl. A funny little girl. She had AIDS. The full blown kind, that you hardly see in the US in kids anymore. She was so sick. There were no medicines to help her. She was dying from the day that I met her and died when she was nearly 3 years old. I held this little girl for hours upon hours at night- we would rock and sing and I would pat her arm. She had a horrible patch of shingles on her arm that just got worse and worse over time. It was always bandaged and hurt so much. She liked it when I would pat her arm (really hard). It deflected the pain in a way that made it slightly more bearable. She could barely eat due to the thrush in her mouth. This, too, hurts like you cannot imagine. She had diarrhea constantly and sores on her bottom that made it unbearable. She loved to be worn on her mommy's back in the backpack and walk around the Christmas Tree farm where we lived. She loved birthdays and ketchup and Santa. She loved the song "Rainbow Connection". She also loved the song, "And I will raise you up on eagles wings". She never was able to walk well independently. For a little while she used a walker and then she started deteriorating. I remember that there was a new drug, DDI, but she was too sick to qualify for the drug treatment trials.

This breaks my heart more than anything. She was too sick to be able to get a new drug that may have brought her more months or years of life. Someone made up the rules and said that this little girl had no more choices left. And I think back and with what I know now...what we all know now- she would not only be alive today but would be thriving- this little 2 year old- our little Tina- would be 18 years old. She would be graduating from High School or quite possibly in college. She would likely be in love, and because she was so beautiful and so sweet and funny- someone would be in love with her right back.

She died in 1991. In April. Right after Easter. I buried Tina. Literally. It was a warm day in Northern California, near the coast, and she was being buried near the chapel at the Christmas tree farm. They asked me to bury her because they did not want just anyone to do it. It had to be someone who loved Tina and whom Tina loved. So I had to prepare her grave. Help to lower her tiny casket into the hole and then fill the hole with dirt. It took me all day. I will never ever forget this.

This is why my heart breaks when I hear that the agency that I chose to help me bring my own sons home from Ethiopia will not help to bring home a child with HIV...... And I am truly not being dramatic here when I say that they have blood on their hands. Because HIV care in Ethiopia is much like HIV care was in Northern California in 1991 and these children that CWA and other agencies are leaving behind don't stand half a chance. And someone has to pay for other people's ignorance and prejudice and fear and LAZINESS...but why should that person be an innocent child?

Here is my Tina. She never lets me forget.


Christina "Tina", May 16, 1988 - April 9, 1991

ps Why are they lazy? Because they will not take the time to educate themselves and their staff about the disease and about how wonderful adoption can be for thse children and how to manage the minute differences between this type of adoption and the adoptions of children with other diseases like TB, Hep B, Diabetes, CP, and others.

One of Those Days...

I have been having one of those days...really its been like this all week. Part of the reason I have felt kind of crummy is that I go back to work on Monday. I have a wonderful job and work with wonderful people.

My Clinic

And I adore my patients and families. It is where God sent me and called me to work many many years ago. But I am still sad- I would love to be home more with my children- But again- this is where He wants me right now, so I am working hard to say , "Ok God- use me...you gave me more than my hearts desire- with this incredible husband and these 5 amazing children- I can do this."

I have spent a lot of time reflecting on many things over the past 4 months- one of them is family- How important my own siblings are to me as I have watched the relationships of the new kids in our family develop...I find myself wondering how this relationship will grow over time.

I am very close with my sister, Jill. She is one of the coolest mom's around. Her kids are wonderful and are a true testament to her attitude towards parenting. She is patient, she listens, she laughs, she cries, she is fun and she is a teacher. She and I are the bookends in my family- here we are laughing during a blackout in Rochester, NY this summer. We try and call each other every day- we don't talk- we leave messages- she calls on her way to work- and leaves a message- this is at about 5:00AM my time. I then listen to her message on my way to work (8:00 AM) and call her and leave a message. Then on her way home from work she listens to me and then calls and leaves me a message...or not- because sometimes I leave 5 messages and she does not have time to talk herself! :) This way we stay in close touch about what is happening. We started this a few years ago and it’s amazing we have kept it up- but we are very close because of it. Sometimes a long time will go by without us actually having a conversation- but our ongoing conversation is great because we have to listen to each other before we can but in. This is especially good for me- known for butting in.

This next photo is of the top of my brother's head. He and I are only 15 months apart. He is a great big brother. We shared a room growing up and I love him dearly. He lives in NYC and here he is with his baby boy- his next baby is due in November. He is one of the most giving and compassionate people I know. Creative. Smart. and Funny. I think God gave us each other. I came about in kind of in a surprise kind of way- though my mother would never admit that- she always says, "I always wanted 4 kids- 2 boys and 2 girls!" But I think God thought...this little guy is going to need someone to be little with and to giggle with and to fight with when he is a teenager...and to love him when he is an adult. And of course I have always needed him. So we have always had each other.


This last picture is of my other older brother. Uncle Gordy. The other day Phoebe said, "If something happens to you and Daddy what happens to us?" I said, "You would go and live with Aunt Jill and be near Aunt Sharon and Grandma and Poppa and Marilyn." She replied, "No I want to live with Uncle Gordy." He is so much fun and incredibly funny- the one who can make us all laugh until we cry. Here he is a few years ago with the classic pull my finger joke- just perfect for Cal who was about 7 at the time. I just love that picture of Cal because its shoes how I feel when I am around my brother. He is loyal and strong and goes to God in ways I can really learn from.


So, this week has brought about a lot of feelings- of family and work. And when I think about my family history - all of the difficult things and all of the good things...I would not change that- or take it away- the stories we have lived as a family have shaped us into who we are today...a midwife, an actor, a writer, a teacher, a mother, a father...and many of our issues go way back- far into the depths of our early childhood. But we know that history. We can try and understand why we feel the way we feel today. My little boys from Ethiopia have those stories too- they have that history- but they will not be able to rely on that to help them understand why they feel sad at certain times...why when Maren is punished sometimes he cries- and sometimes he just gets really quiet- punishingly quiet.

There are families in Ethiopia who are choosing adoption for their children- Mothers of 2, 3, 4, and 5 children- walking them to a place - being videotaped or photographed- saying they want something better for their kids, saying they want their kids to go to America and then come back and care for them. They can't possibly understand all of the implications of this choice they are making- especially if we don't. But in all of the poorest and most destitute communities of the world- people will give their children and their wives to prostitution to have bread at the next meal...then sending a child to America has got to be a million times better than the alternative...starve...hard work...prostitution...HIV...So, why can I not get the thought out of my head that these parents are giving up the one thing that is the most meaningful in their lives...and that their grief over the loss might quite possibly be insurmountable? Could this choice be the very death of them? And what is it doing to the children? Do these parents understand what adoption means? What it means to quite possibly never see their child again? And please don't get me wrong. I am not judging the people who make this plan for their children. I understand that they live in a world so unlike ours...a world where my little boy never owned a single pair of shoes...and came into care wearing a large tattered piece of cloth- no pants- and too weak to walk...so I am not saying that people shouldn't be allowed to make this choice. I just want to be sure they are able to talk about it, think about it, digest it and that hopefully- God willing- they are offered a way out. How can we help you do this on your own?

My husband's family is in their 4th generation of living in Malawi. His dad was born there- his grandparents went there in the 1930's. His cousins started a program called KINDLE orphan outreach in response to the devastating orphan crisis in Malwai. The program is designed first and foremost to provide food, medical care and water so that families can keep their children. They knew when they started the program that ultimately they would probably have to start an orphanage. But they have not done that yet. Instead they have managed to keep families intact through their mission.

Kindle Orphan Outreach

So...what will the documentary look like in 20 or 30 years that my little filmmaker will make of his journey and the journey of a generation of Ethiopian children- some of whom left family behind- some who left against their will. I can imagine that film. And that is what has been making me think all week. I am praying for agencies out there to be cautious. To stop and evaluate their plans on a regular basis. To be present in the country they are working with. To maintain information on the birth families for the children who have family in Ethiopia. Yes, there is an immediacy of saving a life, but there is also that life to think about. Think long term. Do things to help this child...not just right now...not just today...but help this child succeed and flourish to be successful and happy adults...and slow down. God has given you a gift and the gift is a gift to children and the gift is a gift to the families. Take good care of God's gift.

Giardia, Campylobactor and Polydactyly

This was a post I never completed - I was trying to gather as much info on infectious diseases that kids may come home with from Ethiopia- and since I actually gathered so much info...I never actually posted it here! I will pot here the list of things families have said that their kids have come home with from our CWA Care center- many of these kids at the time had come from the Sodo, Wolaita region of Ethiopia which is in the SouthWestern region.

here is the list:

Giardia
Campylocator
tinnea capitus
iodamoeba butschlii
blastocystic hominis
ringworm
lice
scabies
Chronic Hep B infection
Active TB
inactive TB
other stool parasites
Chronic Diarrhea
Malabsorbtion issues
failure to thrive
malnutrition- refeeding issues
Upper respitory infections including Bronchitis, ear infections and the common cold
Staph infections of the skin
skin lesions with superimposed infections
Scars related to past trauma including treatment by traditional healers, burns (both accidental and purposeful), and abuse
Hives- or allergic reactions
Urticaria Pigmatosa. The individual spots are called Mastocytoma
Milk allergies
abscesses
fungal infections of the toe nails Verses trauma of the nail beds
Emotional and attachment issues
female cicumcision

Trust in God, but Tie up Your Camel

Haggai 2:9
9 'The glory of this present house will be greater than the glory of the former house,' says the LORD Almighty. 'And in this place I will grant peace,' declares the LORD Almighty."

I know 5 families traveling right now and who had their embassy dates yesterday. I have known most of these families through most of our own journey to adopt from Ethiopia. Its been great to get updates from them and hear about meeting their children. I am even more excited that two of the families are from Denver and they will collectively bring home 4 Ethiopian children. These are kids I will hopefully get to know (2 of them I met when I was there!) over time and so will my children.

But I find myself this week thinking about my experience and some of the wonderful things about it and also some of the difficult things.

I found that I am still really saddened by the seemingly abrupt decision by my agency to close the doors of the home that our children were living in before they came to us. And how it was presented to us.

That as each family who goes and picks up their children misses seeing the center and the love for the children in the center- they will not have the photos for their children's memory books and that continuity- that bridge between their old life and their new life.

So, I sit and wait and wonder what this all means for me and what it means for future families of CWA and also for the families who will choose other agencies because of this and mostly for the kids. I also worry that other agencies may start doing the same thing and it is what makes adopting from Ethiopia so wonderful and unique. The love of the children. The ability to know something of their past- to have experiences with their caregivers that are meaningful and true. I read a blog recently where the mom and dad ended up keeping the Ethiopian names of their twin boys. they actually tried to change them but they could not make the new name stick- and the way the mother on this bog wrote about the caregivers in the orphanage who named her boys was just beautiful. Every family you talk to has these kinds of stories.

I was at our friend's house yesterday. They have 12 kids- 6 from Ethiopia. She was talking about how its done with her agency- the consistency in how a child learns about their family and how a child meets their family and how they have the goodbye party and how all the kids anticipate this event - this all normalizes what is happening for all of the the kids- they see families come and then friends go with the families- it makes it easier and more normal when their time comes. A child meets their new parents in the place they feel the most safe. the parents can ask the caregivers for helpful information on caring for their child- their likes and dislikes. They don't do this in all the other countries - but its the way it should be done and the fact that its the way it is done in Ethiopia is beautiful and one of the reasons we chose this country. The caregivers being able to meet the family who will take the child they have loved and adored is so important- frankly they go through repeated trauma loving and saying goodbye to children. They need the closure. They need to know who we are, like we want to know who they are. We want to be able to tell our chidden, "This is the woman who loved you- she told me you were a sweet baby who always smiled." That will mean millions to our kids as they grow. They deserve it and the caregivers deserve it and we should expect nothing less as families going through this costly (financially and emotionally) process.

I have edited this part of the blog, because it was mostly some private thoughts on Christianity that I have been processing. If you read it before I edited it I would love to hear your comments.

This is not about my agency. This is about me, and how I am processing some of the experiences I have had. This is about how I feel that I still need to come to some peace about these experiences and learn form them.

Blind faith is saved for my God.

My oldest will be 13 this weekend. When she was 2 1/2 she had to undergo open heart surgery. Our pediatrician was a wonderful man and a great doctor. We met with him before the surgery so we could just talk. He was an older man, we lived in New Haven, Connecticut, he was an Orthodox Jewish man. There was a large community of Orthodox Jews in new Haven. He knew that we were Christians and we would sometimes talk about religion and faith and of course this was a time when that came up and he said to us, "You know there is an old saying, 'Trust in God but tie up your camel.'" He said this in response to me saying that I was worried about my daughter and should I be questioning a well known pediatric Cardiothoracic surgeon? Do I have the right as a parent to ask questions? Can I get other opinions? I mean if this guy is the best doesn't that mean he knows best?" This was his response. Put your faith in God, but take care of those people and things around you. God gives us that responsibilty as parents to care for and raise our children for Him.

So where does this go from here? I don't know- but I can tell you it will go somewhere. God never puts things on my heart lightly. There is a purpose for all of this pondering.

Maybe the first thing is knowing exactly what my camel is...for sure its my children and my family. But what else out there has God given me responsibility for? I think I have an idea...