Wednesday, April 26, 2006

We Got New Photos!

Today we got a few new photos from the agency or our older child and that was nice and then we got a pleasant surprise and got more photos from a family who recently brought back their son. They sent us several of our older child- they are actually pretty funny- because we sent these gift bags with a blanket I made, and a few toys and a book- and in the pictures he is just clutching the toys- in one, he is inside and then he is outside- but he is just holding all of his "stuff". It was really really cool to see the things we had sent to him in his arms! We also got another photo of the baby- unfortunately he actually looks less well than he did in the referral picture- he looks less chubby and he looks less alert and a bit dry- he may have some eczema. Our good friends whom we have met through this- I have written about them- they have three kids the same gender and ages as ours and their daughter and Phoebe have the very same birthdates. They are adopting two infants. They are leaving Monday to go a little early because one of their children may be ill- that is not the good news- the good news is that since they are going early they can check on our kids- especially the baby- because he looked so tiny in the photo.

We have a lot to do to prepare and the fact that we could possibly be leaving in the next two - three weeks is a bit overwhelming- please keep us in your thoughts and prayers. Please pray specifically for airline tickets – that we can get them for when we need and that the cost is not too terribly high.

I can't yet post photos of the boys- but will post a photo of what I sent to them- it had to be light and fit in a 1 gallon ziplock bag!



You can see how we fit everything into the bags





And you can see how we taped pictures of us on the backs of the books.




And soon I can, I will post the actual pictures of our older boy clutching his loot to his chest. It’s pretty darn cute!

Sunday, April 23, 2006

My New Links


If you get a chance to check out some of my new links- I have included a long list of books from Amazon.com which are related to Ethiopian Adoption. I hade probably 10 more I could have put on the list- but it limits you to 25 books. Also, I have added a pod cast that you can listen to on interracial adoption. I am finding that when I am doing something to prepare for my boys to come home I am always having to think about how I want them to feel comfortable and not feel so different. I know they will and I want to embrace that as well. But for instance - you are looking at children's books- so many do not have brown faces in them- luckily many of my favorites have animals.
This happens when I am blogging and I want to put in a little picture- I had to look pretty hard to find the cartoons that look like my kids look. And of course its even harder to find a picture book with white mommy's and daddy's and brown babies. I am sure this is true for so many families- with single parents, same sex parents, racially mixed families. I know that not all books that are read to a child have to look exactly like the child and their family- but it is nice when the books are about family relationships to include the diverse make up of our families. I notices a great listmania list on Amazon on picture books for adopted children in interracial families- so I will try and get that linked to this blog as well.

I hope to get word this week about a best guess for travel...and I also hope to see an updated photo of the boys sometime this week. It will be nice to hear from the two families who traveled last week through CWA and picked up their children. I will let you know when I know!

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

April 18!

Passage Isaiah 45:3:
3 I will give you the treasures of darkness,
riches stored in secret places,
so that you may know that I am the LORD,
the God of Israel, who summons you by name.

On Tuesday, April 18th we heard from Tracy, our case manager from CWA, that our court date in Ethiopia was successful. We were as surprised as she was to hear we had even had the court date. She had gotten the email on Monday stating that Maren and Yabsera's court case was successful. What this means is that they are legally our boys. I guess the actual court date occurred in Addis Ababa on the 17th...but we heard on the 18th. We were so happy! Cal said, "Is this really 100%? Are the 100% ours?" Maddie just seemed a little sad and when I said, "Why aren't you happy?" she said, "I just want them home!" We went out to dinner to celebrate and we will never forget this date.

Someone on the CWA web board posted this verse (above). I loved it because those of you who know me well, know that this is truly a gift to us that came from places of sadness. There is that one essay from "The Prophet" that talks about Joy and Sorrow. It talks about how a violin must be carved out and made hollow to be able to create beautiful music. How, in order to know real joy you must have experienced true sorrow. There are children in my life I have loved so dearly and had to say goodbye to and to be able to bring two beautiful boys into our family is pure joy. I also know that our joy in bringing these two boys home, brings sadness to many of their family members left behind. That in order to join our Barr family they had to leave their Ethiopian family.

Unknowingly, last August, I changed my login at work to "April18!". I have been typing that date for 8 months. Thirty to forty times a day I type "April18!". I had no idea. No idea what-so-ever that on April 18th we would be given this most amazing gift.

God is amazing in His timing and perfect in His plan for us.

Monday, April 17, 2006

"When will you go to Ethiopia?"


This is the question we hear most often. I can tell people several times that we have no idea- probably end of May or beginning of June- but they will ask and ask again. I don't mind. I just think its funny. We have been told we will not know our travel date until about 7-10 days before travel. So that means we will not know for another 4-8 weeks depending on when our court date is.

Remember that we are assigned a court date in Ethiopia - we are not present for that court date- our representative goes to court on our behalf and if all goes well the children our legally ours at the end of the day. Then there is paperwork to be processed and we are assigned a visa appointment and that is when we travel- the visa date can be anywhere between 3 and 6 weeks after the court date. It could be -possibly even as short as 2 weeks- but the last group traveled three weeks after their court date and this next group is being told it will probably be about 4 weeks later. So, today I emailed our case manager, Tracy, to ask if she might have a court date for us soon...her first reply was:

Dear Emily,
I am in contact with our CWA representative and may have news for you, but need clarification before I tell you something in error. Watch for more tomorrow!
Hang in there!

Tracy
Ethiopia Program Director

and her second email- later this evening was:


Dear Emily,

I hope to have good news for you tomorrow! Don’t you hate suspense?
Be preparing to travel soon!
Take care and God bless,

Tracy
Ethiopia Program Director



So hopefully we will have a court date tomorrow...usually the court date is about 10-15 days out from the time you receive notice of it.

Keep us in your prayers- we have quite a bit to do to prepare for travel!

Sunday, April 16, 2006

He is Risen!

John 11:25-26

"I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; 26 and whoever lives and believes in me will never die."

We colored eggs last night and made eggs for the boys. I thought of them in Ethiopia and prayed in church that they would feel our love today. And as I prayed I realized that it is possible that one of the families going to pick up their son this week may see them today. They may get hugs from someone who knows they are our babies. That was very comforting.

Next Easter as we prepare for our Easter dinner we will be setting two more places at our table. And we will look back on this time when we wait to bring them home...and we will probably not remember what life was like without them. OK- we might remember- but I am guessing we will like it better when they are here! :)

Saturday, April 15, 2006

Baby Sale!


It’s raining in Denver today- great for the grass and all of my tulips and bluebells (I know they are not bluebells- but that is what we call them- I have to preface that because I think it really bugs one member of our family that we have all sorts of made up names for flowers- these are actually grape hyacinths- but we call them bluebells) I planted last fall. Also good for trying to dig out from under the piles of laundry that have taken over the house! This morning Phoebe and I went to her school where they had a "gently used baby sale" - (makes it sound like folks who have given up on their crying babies are trading them in for quieter and sleepier versions!) Anyway- we were able to get an excer-saucer, a potty chair, a bath ring, clothes for both kids (not as many for the older child- since they just didn't have as much and also we have no idea what size he will be) books, toys, some shoes, spoons, a couple bibs, a couple crib sheets, a few blankets...all for about 37.00! And they are letting me go back at about 11:00 am to grab some shoes to bring to the orphanage!

One of the things that really struck me when watching the DVD of the older kids that CWA is working to place for adoption, was the fact that none of the kids had shoes...and the few that did were so worn out and full of holes. The part of Ethiopia we are adopting from is one of the poorest regions in the world. Some estimates call it the 3rd poorest region in the world. It is the poorest part of one of the poorest countries. Shoes are definitely a luxury. Here is a link to a brief article outlining Habitat for Humanity's efforts to bring housing to this incredibly poor region of Ethiopia.

  • Habitat For Humanity in Wolaita Ethiopia


  • I come to the thought time and time again about how much more we can all do, just in general. People say how good it is that Mark and I are doing this (we are either "good" or "crazy"! and often both...) but we really reap the rewards of our family. We saw that we can reach out to these families in another part of the world in a unique way. And in turn they are reaching back. We are forever making a connection to this place - Sodo- Wolaita. I have to run back to the baby sale and get the shoes!!! :) If you want to learn more about the older kids that are available for adoption you can check out this link:

  • Older Children Aged About 3-12 Waiting for Families
  • Thursday, April 13, 2006

    Good Friends!


    Today some friends I have gotten to know a bit through our agency, CWA, got news of their successful hearing at court! I also got an email from friends we have met here in Colorado - the ones who went from adopting one infant to adopting three older kids- that the kids they requested are official referred to them! And they will likely travel early in June- which mans several of us will all have our kids home for the summer.

    It is also Holy Week and I am reminded of God's love for us in giving his ultimate sacrifice. When I have difficult times its a comfort to rely on God's presence. One family shared these verses with us today:

    Isa. 43:1-3. "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by
    name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters I will be with
    you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you;
    when you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will
    not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of
    Israel, your Savior."

    2 Cor. 9:8. "God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in
    all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in
    every good work."

    How comforting to know this. No matter where you are and what has been made difficult for you God is with you through all of it.

    This photo was taken last Sunday. Here you can see our three kids and then jennifer, Mark and their son Zeke. We had some good friends come to visit us. Jennifer is our midwife's daughter. We met our midwife while living in Ithaca New York. We had called her about having a homebirth for our first pregnancy and then before our first prenatal visit we miscarried- she then called to check on us and we were pregnant with Maddie. She cared for us throughout that pregnancy and during that time I met her daughter Jennifer. Our family became close with their family and spent a lot of time together. They became like family to us. Gail was also one of the midwives caring for us during Phoebe's birth- this occurred shortly before Jennifer and Mark were married. So at their wedding Phoebe was only about a month old. They now have a 3 year old names Zeke and they all came to visit us last week.


    This picture was taken in the foothills of the Rockies. It was a wonderful time and I spoke to Jennifer's mother, our midwife, and I said, "How fitting it is to have Jennifer come to visit so close to the time when we are bringing new babies into our family- our midwife’s daughter!" It is wonderful to meet people in life - along the way - whom you connect with and they are special and bring joy into your life. These people become the fabric of your memories and they are the gift that God gives us to help us and to celebrate with us.

    We are thankful for the families we have met through this process. In many ways- going through this together- is so unique - I can't imagine not having these connections across the United States and even the world to help guide you through this process. They are like my midwives in this process of adoption.

    Tuesday, April 11, 2006

    Immigration Approval

    The long awaited I 171h came today from CIS! We are approved to bring our baby boys home! We are so excited. This was the last thing we were waiting for on our end of things. Now we will hopefully be assigned a court date in the next few weeks and then we wait for the travel date. Its a great feeling to be at this point in the process. It has been long and not always easy. I know there still is a lot ahead of us. But right now...this feels good.

    Sunday, April 09, 2006

    Waiting for a Court Date

    We got word last week that our court date will be coming son. We are still waiting for our 171h- which will hopefully magically appear in our mail box tomorrow. We are still working on names. Can't quite decide on them yet- knowing us the boys will be registering for school and still not be names officially by us. The pressure doesn't seem so strong when they already have names! We have started thinking about all of the stuff we will need and have had some nice offers on a few things - like today a women from our church offered a crib and a changing table! And a good friend has offered to buy us a stroller which will hold both boys. I was telling our friend that we are still trying to figure out the child care while we are gone and she mentioned a young women who might be interested - and it turns out this women works in Cal and Phoebe's before school program! So I met her- she is really nice and interested in helping- which I hope works out. Our family is not in the position to really come and help. Its funny when people have babies and they say, "Oh my mom is coming out for two weeks and then Aunt Jane will be here and then Cousin Sara and thenCousin Sara's old College roommate..." You get the picture. It’s never been like that for us- we are lucky to get a few days after each birth. And we do consider that a special time and have been blessed by having the family we had- even if it was short lived. And now I am even more appreciative - when we are not likely to have that at all. We just live very far- and everyone has jobs or kids. But hopefully we will get home this summer so they can meet their new grandchildren! New Cousins! New nephews! We are getting more excited about this and its been so fun to have our dear friends from Ithaca here for the past few days with their 3 year old- its good practice for having a toddler around- for all of us!

    Monday, April 03, 2006

    Timelines...it can be a difficult word in the adoption world

    People get very hung up on timelines in the adoption world. Think about it- when you get pregnant you know you have roughly 40 weeks (or 36 depending on when you found out you were pregnant) to prepare for this new person to enter you life. My friend was telling her birthing story at a "Blessing way" I had the other night for two pregnant friends of mine- and it was so sweet she started crying at the point where- her water has broken and she is leaving for the hospital and she stops by the empty nursery. The realization that it would never be that quiet or peaceful in their house again- that real change was happening in the next 24 to72 hours was just profound. And my friend knew that. She understood- what I think some new mom's just don't get until it hits them in the face- that their lives are forever changed. It is a lot of what post partum depression feeds off of. You no longer are one person. You are always responsible for this other person. Your life has changed. A quick trip to the store will not be a quick trip again for quite some time.


    So we, who are adopting, are focused on timelines- we often want them to be short. We also have no idea when the child will be home- its very different from a pregnancy where you know just about when it does- and you also know you will be taking home someone very tiny- a newborn. When waiting for a referral we have no idea what age our child will be- and frankly even after they are referred we have no idea how old they really are. Of course we want to see our children soon...but we also want these timelines to somehow fit into our expectations. Some families wait years for their children. There is quite a long wait if you are adopting from China- it could be a year after your dossier is complete that you get your referral and then another couple months before travel. Its much longer than a pregnancy. If you live in Canada od Australia and are adopting from Ethiopia, I have heard you can wait two years. But her, in thhe U.S., the wait times between dossier submission and referral and travel have been fairly short - and when I say short- in many cases there has hardly been any wait at all. Many of the agencies have been inundated with applications lately. I have heard that AAI has received more applications in the last 6 months than in the last 6 years- that is a lot! So the wait times are lengthening- not because there aren't children- but because there is only so much the staff of one agency can handle.

    Back when we chose CWA we thought- on one hand it could go slower- because its new- and on the other hand we thought- it could also go fast because we are one of the first families- so far it is proving to be quick We got a referral as soon as they got our dossier. That was March 1st. I know another family who got their referral the same day as us and they received their court date today. It will be April12th. We did not get ours. we are still waiting for our 171h which should come this week. Then we will be in line for a court date. Then we would probably travel 2-3 weeks after court depending on when that is. Our timeline story starts with..."So we made our first phone call to CWA on October 31st. We sent our first part of our application n to CWA right after Thanksgiving. We had our final Home study visit on January 6th. Our homestudy was sent to INS on March 1st the same day we got our referrals." It has been really fast in the world of international adoption- and the fact that our sons will be home probably by June- means that - if you count the discussion when the decision was made to move forward with researching adoption- our gestation is nearly 9 months. Only we are giving birth to a 6 month old and a 3 year old! (we think!)

    Sunday, April 02, 2006

    "Nothing is as simple as we hope it will be." - Jim Horning


    Well, its finally April. March of 2006 proved to be an achingly long month. Full of incredible joy and celebration and mixed with some real stress and sadness. And remember- we got our referral on March 1st. It proves that the families who are waiting for a referral and the families who have a referral and are waiting to travel and the families who haven't really had to do much waiting at any one point in the process- all suffer their own challenges. None of this is simple. I remember last summer talking with Mark about having more kids and at first we thought- lets have kids the way we already have- because that is easy- we know how to do that! And its true that in some cases- (not all) it is easier. There are obviously things are so vastly different- you can't compare the two. But there are many facets of both which are markedly similar.

    So, I haven't posted in awhile. Some of that had to do with the fact that we had this referral and needed to make decisions and also we are not allowed to post much info about it. But the other reason is that it has been a difficult time talking with people about our decision to adopt- and the decision to adopt two has just pushed people over the edge. I think I finally heard the last of why our family thinks we are crazy...at least I hope I have. It turns out they all have had a chance to get their say at some point. And then when I started to email my CWA web board about how people have reacted...I found an interesting response- all of their families and friends think they are pretty much crazy as well. This starts with the couples who haven't birthed any children- people say "Why don't you try infertility treatments? who don't you wait a little bit, maybe God will work a miracle, why don't you take a vacation- it would relieve stress and then maybe you will get pregnant..." This list of insensitive comments goes on. Then you have the folks who just plain chose adoption...these people did not attempt to conceive a child...they are bound to have people make every comment under the sun about "why don't you have one of your own? "You know those kids might end up being messed up." "Have you thought about adopting domestically? aka what about trying for a white newborn baby?"

    And then there are folks like us- and you wouldn’t believe how many of us there are out there. families with 2 or more birth children (or adopted) who are adopting (again) more than one child from Ethiopia. I was amazed at how many people were adopting more than one child. Its funny how we all come to what we think will be the easier thing. I know one couple- they have a 2 year old and are looking to adopt twins less than 18 months - to me that sounds really challenging...when she heard we had requested a toddler boy and an older child 4-7- she said, "Oh I could never do that- that sounds really hard!" We have friend we have met through this process and they have two children about 6 and 14. They started this thinking they wanted one child- the younger the better- they went from one to two- about the same time as we did and then they were recently referred two sets of sibling groups of three. The one set has two young ones and one a bit older but the other set has three young school aged kids. They are leaning towards taking three- and they are leaning towards the older group- just not into babies. I know there are so many families out there who would take the younger set of siblings over the older set any day- but that is not what this couple is being called to or feeling compelled to do. One of our other friends- a couple with no kids is adopting two teenagers. To Mark and I...that sounds harder than the two little ones we are getting. Many would argue that the teens would be easier- I mean they are potty trained right?

    So it goes to show you- everyone is so different I what they feel they- as a family- can handle- and what they want to and can do. Our family- looks at us and they see something different from what we see. We can't change that vantage point. We can listen to their concerns and we can take it all very seriously as we have. But in the end - it is what we feel we are here for. We feel our kids are at a place where they are excited- they can help- and they want this as much as we do. If we waited a few years as has been suggested, our kids will be teens- they won't see things the same way they do now and they may not be as invested an bringing two baby brothers into their family. We wanted out kids to all be a bit closer in age- its nice that Madeline is nearly 13- but it also means she will be going off to college when our baby is 5! Just entering kindergarten. I can't imagine waiting any longer- and I can't imagine a more perfect time than now- we own our home, we both have great jobs, our kids are old enough to help- but young enough to enjoy being part of the family- it feels like the timing is perfect- as is God's timing.

    The support from the CWA board this week has been so wonderful. I will post a few of the emails- so that you all who may be reading this blog- who are adopting and getting comments from others- that are often insensitive and you are feeling down- questioning your choices- I will give you these words from other families - encouraging words of faith. Nothing is as simple as we hope it will be. But we can do and say many things to make things simpler for others. Thanks to those of you who have done that for us.


    Comments From Others:
    "What you are doing is beautiful. You are blazing a trail. They talk about Hollywood being "brave" for making Broke Back Mountain. I'd like to see your family made into a feature - you are truly brave! Bravery is not doing what you already do around your like minded friends. Bravery is stepping out and doing what others are afraid of doing to make the world better."

    "I have also experienced A LOT of questions, looks and raised eyebrows. I also get ignorant remarks (My least fave -- "oh, you're doing the Angelina Jolie."). I have people asking me why we aren't doing infertility treatments, why not domestic, why not this, why not that. It is amazing to me that so many people who are peripheral to my life seem to feel it appropriate to weigh in on my family and choices to adopt and raise a child with my husband. I have been blessed in that our entire family has been incredibly supportive and loving but initially we had the questions and "concerns" raised as well. We just tried to talk through them and help people understand where we are at, what we are doing, and they came around VERY quickly. It also helped that we developed a website to have people go through some of this with us and to use as a tool for education about adoption, Ethiopia, infertility, and just generally have them see how much fun it can be to expect your first child - no matter how you define "expecting." The best thing about what we have in each other is the desire to help and pray for each other. I am so grateful for all of you on this board. This process would not be nearly as manageable as it has been if not for the love each of you have shown me and each other."


    "Thank you all so much! It fills my heart with joy and my eyes with tears when I read your comments and prayers. No one else could ever understand what we are all going through. It is the web board and prayer that keep me going and seeing a light at the end. Thank you again for all your prayers. God is awesome and He knows are hearts and thoughts. I hold to His plan, not mine. Thank you Jesus for bringing these families to us and for protecting our children. You are glorious and righteous."

    "I hear your heart and will be praying for you. I have seen where God uses a quiet example to change the hearts of others. What appears to others as overwhelming and crazy at first seems just right when witnessed in action. I pray that we all can be a witness to God's goodness through adoption and that we will be careful with our words (especially me on this one) so others can see that we are believers and positive encouragers of what we are doing. Which by the way has many biblical examples - Moses and of course, we are adopted into God's family. So maybe a response could be "God did and so am I!" I'm praying your day is filled with God's grace and goodness and it leaks into the weekend. Walking with you in this journey."

    "We face the same comments as you all! We have a smaller home and everyone asks "Where are you going to put two more?" Well, all I can say is that we recently looked at moving and when we told our children that we felt God was asking us to wait...our two oldest each said good, we like our home! That was from two teenagers. Everyone's spiritual gifts are different. I took a spiritual gifts test last night and my highest is "Hospitality". Listed under hospitality is adoption. I felt so good knowing that I am using my spiritual gift for God's glory. We live is a selfish world where children are considered a burden. Most people won't understand us. Isn't it sad for them...?"

    "Hi, Friend!
    How good to hear from you! I was praying for you again this morning. Don't let other's concern bring you into doubt - you have been led by God to do this, or you wouldn't be here. Have you read John Piper's book "Don't Waste Your Life"? It really impacted us, and when I start thinking I am crazy, will regret this, don't know what I'm doing, etc, I remember the call of that book - to live life with purpose. Em, think about what life for these boys would be like without adoption. You are very possibly providing them the means of SURVIVAL. Not to mention, hope, a future, love, the gospel, witness to the world - this shows in such a huge way how BIG God is - we have been given an incredible privilege to participate with God in His work. He could do all of it without us, but He has chosen to allow us to participate with Him - it's an honor, a blessing, and He will make a way for you and your family no matter what the future bring."

    Nothing is as simple as we hope it will be.