Our Family Trip

I wanted to post a few photos from our family trip to New York. We are back in Colorado and are excited about getting together this Saturday with folks adopting from Ethiopia and who have already brought children home from all over Colorado.
It was great to see the family and Maren and Yabsera loved seeing their cousins and meeting their Aunts and Uncles and Grandma's and Poppa...they even met their great great grandma! We saw cows at a Dairy Farm (Aunt Kathy's), we went to an amusement park, we got ice cream (Custard!), swam a lot, has a big 4th of July Party and almost missed the fireworks, we went on merry-go-rounds, caught frogs and toads, did a piñata, played and played, saw the midnight opener of "The Pirates of the Caribbean", ate way too much, sang, danced, went to my 20th High School Reunion, celebrated my oldest's 13th birthday, drove to Syracuse to see the family who inspired our Ethiopian Adoption, they have 12 kids, 5 bio, one from china and 6 from Ethiopia- they home school and are amazing, while there we visited the house we lived in for 4 years and the place where Phoebe Darling- my baby girl, was born...we did so much and saw so many many good friends...all the while Maren was saying "Where Daddy go? Bye bye airplane?" He was sad without his Daddy and the day before we left I told him that tomorrow - he would wake up and we would get on a plane and we would fly to Colorado and see Daddy- so all day it was "Tomorrow, Maren Bye bye Airplane Colorado Daddy!" You can imagine how truly upset he was when the first plane landed in Dallas and I had to break it to him there was one more plane. He really melted down and went into "Helen Keller" mode- I call it this because he just looses it and partly I think its the inability to really communicate what is going on in his little head. When safely back in Denver with Daddy and Max- he finally told me how he got the scar on his leg- I think this is the real story because I was saying something else= that I clearly misunderstood and he corrected me. He said, "Oomba" and then acted out a cow butting his head into his though. WE know that Oomba is how he says Cow- its not the amharic word for cow in the phraseboook we have - so it might be woliatan- but we know its his worked for cow. he did the pantomime well. I wonder how old he was when it happened if he remembers it- its a pretty big scar in his thigh. He has many scars. I have more to tell about the day we came home- but here are some pics from New York!
This is us greeting the family at the airport!

These are some pictures form the Water Park- we went to a huge water park in Colorado today and all the kids had so much fun. Its true that Maren is somewhat obsessed with water as I have heard other Ethiopian adoptees are. Today we had to throw away all of our water because they were not in factory sealed containers and this really threw Maren for a loop- he was suddenly frantically parched and NEEDED the water right away! This is grandma and cousin Carolyn- they loved meeting the boys.




These are all the cousins on both my side of the family and Mark's side- we have a new cousin joining us in November.

I have more photos in a folder on my desktop to post - but it's late so I will sleep and try and post a few more tomorrow.

Trust in God, but Tie up Your Camel

Haggai 2:9
9 'The glory of this present house will be greater than the glory of the former house,' says the LORD Almighty. 'And in this place I will grant peace,' declares the LORD Almighty."

I know 5 families traveling right now and who had their embassy dates yesterday. I have known most of these families through most of our own journey to adopt from Ethiopia. Its been great to get updates from them and hear about meeting their children. I am even more excited that two of the families are from Denver and they will collectively bring home 4 Ethiopian children. These are kids I will hopefully get to know (2 of them I met when I was there!) over time and so will my children.

But I find myself this week thinking about my experience and some of the wonderful things about it and also some of the difficult things.

I found that I am still really saddened by the seemingly abrupt decision by my agency to close the doors of the home that our children were living in before they came to us. And how it was presented to us.

That as each family who goes and picks up their children misses seeing the center and the love for the children in the center- they will not have the photos for their children's memory books and that continuity- that bridge between their old life and their new life.

So, I sit and wait and wonder what this all means for me and what it means for future families of CWA and also for the families who will choose other agencies because of this and mostly for the kids. I also worry that other agencies may start doing the same thing and it is what makes adopting from Ethiopia so wonderful and unique. The love of the children. The ability to know something of their past- to have experiences with their caregivers that are meaningful and true. I read a blog recently where the mom and dad ended up keeping the Ethiopian names of their twin boys. they actually tried to change them but they could not make the new name stick- and the way the mother on this bog wrote about the caregivers in the orphanage who named her boys was just beautiful. Every family you talk to has these kinds of stories.

I was at our friend's house yesterday. They have 12 kids- 6 from Ethiopia. She was talking about how its done with her agency- the consistency in how a child learns about their family and how a child meets their family and how they have the goodbye party and how all the kids anticipate this event - this all normalizes what is happening for all of the the kids- they see families come and then friends go with the families- it makes it easier and more normal when their time comes. A child meets their new parents in the place they feel the most safe. the parents can ask the caregivers for helpful information on caring for their child- their likes and dislikes. They don't do this in all the other countries - but its the way it should be done and the fact that its the way it is done in Ethiopia is beautiful and one of the reasons we chose this country. The caregivers being able to meet the family who will take the child they have loved and adored is so important- frankly they go through repeated trauma loving and saying goodbye to children. They need the closure. They need to know who we are, like we want to know who they are. We want to be able to tell our chidden, "This is the woman who loved you- she told me you were a sweet baby who always smiled." That will mean millions to our kids as they grow. They deserve it and the caregivers deserve it and we should expect nothing less as families going through this costly (financially and emotionally) process.

I have edited this part of the blog, because it was mostly some private thoughts on Christianity that I have been processing. If you read it before I edited it I would love to hear your comments.

This is not about my agency. This is about me, and how I am processing some of the experiences I have had. This is about how I feel that I still need to come to some peace about these experiences and learn form them.

Blind faith is saved for my God.

My oldest will be 13 this weekend. When she was 2 1/2 she had to undergo open heart surgery. Our pediatrician was a wonderful man and a great doctor. We met with him before the surgery so we could just talk. He was an older man, we lived in New Haven, Connecticut, he was an Orthodox Jewish man. There was a large community of Orthodox Jews in new Haven. He knew that we were Christians and we would sometimes talk about religion and faith and of course this was a time when that came up and he said to us, "You know there is an old saying, 'Trust in God but tie up your camel.'" He said this in response to me saying that I was worried about my daughter and should I be questioning a well known pediatric Cardiothoracic surgeon? Do I have the right as a parent to ask questions? Can I get other opinions? I mean if this guy is the best doesn't that mean he knows best?" This was his response. Put your faith in God, but take care of those people and things around you. God gives us that responsibilty as parents to care for and raise our children for Him.

So where does this go from here? I don't know- but I can tell you it will go somewhere. God never puts things on my heart lightly. There is a purpose for all of this pondering.

Maybe the first thing is knowing exactly what my camel is...for sure its my children and my family. But what else out there has God given me responsibility for? I think I have an idea...

Daddy Bye bye Woof woof...

This was how I explained to our boy where his Daddy was this morning when he woke up. They have been so bonded since day one and at first - while in ethiopia- I kept dreading getting home and Mark heading to work- what would this little boy who has lived either in this man's arms or on his shoulders for the past two weeks do? But he met the challenge and it was good because he had to come to me for his water, to take him to the potty, for food, to get shoes on...that was all good and important- lest we end up as the chapter in some psychologist's book on attachment disorders in internationally adopted children one day. He also started coming to me for the hugs and the snugling- that was VERY good. But then we came home to NY to see family and he had his Daddy every day again for a week- and now he is gone. He woke up today. "Daddy?" I said, "Daddy bye bye." I said, "He went on a plane...on an airplane...bye bye...but he will be back." (he gets planes, he gets Bye Bye..." He responded, "Maren plane bye bye?" Very hard to explain that we will go back in 10 days and see him and that he still loves him but has to work. How do you say we will go back home? We keep calling this place "Home" and then there is Ethiopia- this kid still talks about our trip to Sodo and Awassa and Shashamene...He still talks about the kids at the care center. This kid is supposed to be about 3 1/2 and many times seems like a solid 4 year old- he understands a lot of what we say and can say so much in two other languages- but this concept of Daddy leaving is broken down to "daddy Bye bye plane" and so I thought about what he knows in Colorado and that is our dog Max. We love how he says "Max"..."Mackes." He makes it two syllables- he does this to names sometimes - it makes them sound much more Ethiopian. So I told him Daddy had to go and be with Max- the dog. He can picture that. So all day its "Daddy, bye bye, Plane Woof woof." At one point Mark called- Maren got on the phone and well... if looks could kill...he was really mad and would listen to Mark intently but would not talk back. He was not happy. But without Daddy this kid swam by himself today and went to sleep without someone laying next to him for an hour...so in some ways he shows a little more independence without his Daddy...but check back with me in 2 or 3 days and see if I have lost my mind. Me doing 5 kids solo is what is really probably worrying this kid- like I said he is a smart guy and knows that I need that Daddy guy as much as him!

First Doritos!

So yesterday I decide I want to upload the photos I have taken over the last two weeks...the first two weeks home with the boys- and something happens- and I am pretty good with my computer and my camera and I have no idea what happened but I plugged my camera into the computer and my entire memory card erased before the photos were uploaded. I was so sad...what we were missing were all of the firsts.

You know when you have a baby you have the first smile, the first step, the first time peeing on the potty, the first wave bye bye...well we had our own set of firsts...the first swim in the pool- those pictures are gone- the first rainbow- that was so cool and then when I was telling Mark how we had seen the first rainbow- Maren understood and said "daddy Daddy" and then when Mark looked he made his hands go like a bow in the sky and said "Rainbow!" This was several days after we saw the rainbow. He remembered what it was called and everything. We lost the photos of Madeline's and Phoebe’s recital. We lost the first trip to Tiny Town- which was father's day and their first trip to the Rocky Mountains- I was sad about this because the houses are so small and I liked the idea of having photos of them there when they first came and then again in like a year- plus I thought that the CWA staff in Addis would get a kick out of those pictures.

We lost the first Pizza, the time when we got him to say "I Love Pizza!" and the very very very first Popsicle....And the really great father’s day picture of Mark with all the kids at the lake in the mountains...we lost that too. We also lost the really bad photo of me in the mountains- it was a mixed blessing.

And we lost the photos of the first Doritos...I know - some of you are shocked that it took me two weeks to introduce my boys to Doritos...and others are shocked I would ever give them a Dorito in the first place... in any case this was a sacred moment in the Barr house- almost as special as Maren's first glimpse of "the others" on Lost...so we decided we should reenact this.

Those of you who know my family- know we are full of actors and writers- and so it would be fitting that our 3 year old from Ethiopia- only home 2 weeks has already caught on...So without Further ado- here is Maren and the "First Dorito" (Take two...)

Here you can see Maren enjoying his first Dorito...then he hams it up by eating straight form the bowl...then he offers the bowl to Phoebe. Then you can see him make one of his famous faces and Phoebe trying to imitate him.
And finally Yabsera - who always has the best seat in the house.

AHOPE - a must see while in Addis- make room for books, gloves and pain medication!

This is the main compound-and where the little kids live- the building directly in front of you is the main office. to the left is the kids bedrooms and the living/dining area.

See the bright blue gate at the end of the driveway? That is what the gate looks like from the outside...look for it!

This kind woman gave us the grand tour- she was wonnderful She explained that most of the children are now on Antiretroviral medication and that has increased their need for fund for the food budget. They are caring for nearly 60 HIV positive children. They are looking to exaplns this project and care for kids in the various regions of Ethiopia- basically subsidising a family to care for an HIV positive child in their own home.

This is the nurse I met with- stocking their medications. They need everything they can get because many of these things are expensive in Addis.


This is where they eat- its a long table but I had to crop out th little boy. They spend "most of their time" in this room.

This is a bed- they all look like this- there are about 6 bunk beds in each room. Each child has their own bed.

This is the littel girl receiving her gift in the small schoolroom- it was hard to stay composed while giving her this doll. She looked like I had just handed her a check for a million dollors. I am not exaggerating. that was what giving this girl a doll was like.


While in Addis, I was able to visit AHOPE, which is an orphanage for children with HIV. It as an incredibly moving experience. I actually went three times. I was staying at a guest house which was no more than a 5 minute easy walk to AHOPE and so it was easy to go back after I visited the first time. There are two orphanages. One is for the little kids and one for the older kids. I did not know that the little kid orphanage was actually the “old” Layla house. The little kid orphanage is pretty plain- but there is a big paved area to play in outside and they have this room where they eat and hang out which is nice and cool.

The older kid orphanage- is really nice- it has a few gardens and these little school rooms and the big girls were decorating their “dorm” with some balloons and streamers when I was there.

If you have never been to a developing country you need to know that when I say “nice” its nice by the standards of that country- you do not leave there thinking, “Wow these kids have it made!” You leave there thinking, “What can I do to make this better for these kids?”

Some of the kids have been adopted- its amazing because even a year ago that was a near impossibility. And now more are preparing to go home with families. They have so much hope that the kids will find homes and are so open and accepting- I showed up unannounced with gifts for a child who a good friend of mine and fellow CWA family sponsors- they immediately gave Mark and I the grand tour- the nothing to hide tour- they let us take pictures of the kids with the gifts we had brought from the Qualls. We are not allowed to post them- but only use them privately to thank donors etc…so on my blog I have several cropped photos. It was hard to get any pictures without kids because you would take one and suddenly a child would appear.

I know families have come and done crafts with the kids, taken a few for ice cream, played games, kicked a ball around. I spent a lot of time with the nurse because HIV is my specialty and so we hung out and talked a lot and then played with the cars that were donated.

I wish I had done more and I wish I had brought more for them. I brought MANY MANY things that CWA needed and I am glad I did that because they are new and have needs- but I wish I knew more about what AHOPE needed and had figured out a way to bring more- we barely got through each check point with all of the stuff we had!

The last day I was there , I met with the director, Sidisse. She was really sweet and she wrote down some of their current needs. I will post the list hear. I think any family who wants to see a little bit more of Addis and Ethiopia and how HIV has affected not just the children we are adopting but how it affects the children many of whom will be left behind.

It’s easy to do- even if you have just a few minutes and just want to drop some things off.

Here I what they said they need now: (and this list changes)
1) Gloves- she said they ALWAYS need gloves- bring gloves! even if each family brought one box think how that would help!
2) Materials for kindergarten and school- they are building a library and need books- in English.
a) Easy Coloring books
b) Numbers
c) Letters
d) Colors
e) story books
f) Reading
g) Reading comprehension
h) Math
i) General Knowledge books
j) crayons
h) Any other instructional materials (I just picked up some simple math flashcards to send)
***She showed me some examples and they were the kind of work books you find at target, Wal-Mart, Costco and the grocery store- sticker books, coloring books and activity books
3) Multivitamins
4) Pain reliever (we brought both Motrin and Tylenol (generic is fine!) and they were very happy
5) High calorie food products like Ensure- they sell Carnation instant breakfast at places like Sam’s club and Costco which is similar to ensure but cheaper and some in powder packets

You can also sponsor a child there. AAI requires that when you adopt through them you sponsor a child left behind…it’s a great thing to do for the country where your kids come from!

Here is their website:

AHOPE for Children

And a USA email contact:
Kpolsen@aol.com

To call them while you are there call:
0911606723 if you need directions
you can email them in Ethiopia at:
ahopeethiopia@ethionet.et
or
ahopeethio@yahoo.com

but you can just stop by- after 5 the big kids are back with the little kids- in the AM you will just see the little kids if you go to that campus.

I made the mistake of thinking that everyone brings stuff to AHOPE and they did not need much- I was completely wrong- they need so much and when you go you will see what I mean.

It is probably easier to visit a place like AHOPE without your new kids- but it is possible with them as well. The first Time we went they were with us- but frankly Dagne kept the baby in the car and when we went to the school we also left Maren with him. The last time I went- I went while the kids napped and my husband was home with the kids- since it was so close- I walked there with one of the guest house staff- she went with me. It was great!

Thanks- and let me know if you plan to visit AHOPE- I promised to send pill boxes- I figure if I can send a few with a few families I will get them enough over the next few months….so let me know!

From Sodo with Love Act I

The countryside as it changed, as we approached the town near where our sons were born.



Sign reads "Welcome to Wolita" The "Welcome to Sodo" sign was a blur

The highlight of our time in Ethiopia was the trip we took to Sodo. We were worried about bringing the boys- we had heard it was a long and rough trip. We knew they had made the trip already once in their short lives...so we left that in God's hands- we decided if it happened and everything fell into place then we would continue- sort of how we have gone through this whole process a lot of faith and trust and baby steps- We asked so many people what they thought an the general consensus among Americans was 'why would you do that?" but the general feeling among Ethiopian's was that we should go, the boys will want to know where they came from and the best way for us to tell them a little bit about it is to go ourselves. I remember one person in Ethiopia saying, "You must go...you need to do it for them." We heard how the children really love to travel in cars and travel really well...and this was so much in God's hands that we did not even call about a driver until Friday afternoon- and we planned on leaving Saturday morning! On top of that I was coming down with some stomach thing...Mark started calling drivers and spoke with several men and compared prices with what they could and could not offer and we ended up with the most amazing man. I went to bed around 5:00 and told Mark I was 'just taking a nap"- famous last words as was down for the count- he had to prepare dinner and care for both kids that evening without me- but I needed that time so I could get up early and prepare for our Departure time of 8:00AM. We knew it was about 6 hours to Sodo.

We got up and packed- we had so much stuff it was pretty funny! the Guest house staff all sent us off with prayer and well wishes- they knew our objective and felt it was a good one...to learn more about where our boys came from.

We started around 8:30am and it was a warm and beautiful Saturday morning- the first part of the trip was winding through and out of Addis - there is only one road out of Addis to the south- so anyone heading anywhere in Ethiopia- or Africa for that matter to the south leaves Addis the same way we did. Our Driver pointed out things to us like the place where the Dutch grow their flowers, the organic strawberry farms, the old Army training camp, the prison, and more Dutch flower farms - the next time you buy those Tulips from your kids school sale- they may be coming from just south of Addis!

It was a great drive- it started out fairly brown and dry...a lot of cactus - they use the cactus like fences. And many of the tukul homes. We had lunch in Shashimene and our driver pointed out where "the Americans" lives- which is where the Rastafarians have a compound. For lunch we ate some traditional Ethiopian food- injera and Tibs- Since my belly was still achy I had potatoes. Maren loved it.

We were getting excited as we came to the crossroads where you head west towards Wolaita. This was where so much of the landscape began to change- we saw many large lakes- its amazing how much water there is in Ethiopia- but its not used very effectively. There is this one high point where you can look out and see 5 lakes in one view- its amazing really.

Here it becomes greener, lusher, and hillier. There are mountains and areas of erosion leaving this red clay like dirt in these amazing patterns. It looks man made but it is just from the rains. Along the road you see many children walking, sleeping, playing but mostly working. Many children herding animals- mostly without shoes on the rocky earth. Children gathering water in large jugs which look as if they would be too heavy for me even- if they were full. Bathing, toileting and drinking from the same muddy streams.

As you drive you come across places where they are selling different crops- the first one I remember was corn. they would roast the corn on the side of the road and then sell it to drivers- you could also by fresh unroasted corn. Mark and I love roasting corn when we are camping- so this was tempting.

The it was bananas- the small sweet Kenya bananas and the large fibrous Ethiopian Bananas- the same ones you read about that they cook underground to make food that is like a fermented paste - these bananas coked this way can last 20 years...aged like fine wine!

Information on these bananas and their history in Wolaita

This bunch of Kenyan bananas cost 3 birr.


Every time you stopped the car there were these kids who would appear at your window- no matter where you were- and they wanted money or food- so while the driver was trying to bargain down the price of the large Ethiopian Bananas I was sneaking out the small bananas to the little boys on my side of the car- I would give them a banana and then I would say "Shhhhh!" so they wouldn't tell the driver I was giving away the bananas- so they would eat them so fast!



This is Maren- he ate so many bananas- it was like if we were here in America and stopped at a 7-11 and got snacks but here we snacked an a huge bunch of Kenyan bananas.


I will continue the details of this trip...but here are some photos of Sodo to whet your appetite...These are the main streets of Sodo and the photo of the large crowd is the market- it was HUGE...it was Saturday- Market day and I was just amazed that there we so many people living in this small and extremely poor corner of the world.

We took this because Yabsera is our baby boys name it means "Work of God" or more literally "Work of the Father" Aba meaning "father"

This little boy has a chicken in his hands- he kind of follwoed us but was a bit scared- I offered him a pen and at first he kind of wlked away- but then when he saw other kids taking pens he came back to get one. I guessed he was coming from the Market with a chicken for his family. And the other boy is brining home something else to eat (on his head).


See the large number of people in the distance? This is the Market- it was amazing to see so many people there.

Maren's Vocabulary

watis = water
mommy
Daddy
Bye bye
shoes
maren (he points at himself and an object to indicate possession)
I love you
How are you
hello
Armadillo
dabo- bread
Buna- coffee
nigh nigh (sleep)
Yabsera
cal
maddie
phoebe
Maxes (Max)
bogoot = cookie or Bisquit
beep beep = car
BIG TRUCK
Woof woof = dog
lots of Amharic
and he can repeat anything you say- literally
He loves to sing- Cal wishes he knew what he was signing
and he understands so much already - today I was getting mad at Cal and asking him to clean up and Maren was just fascinated by watching me get mad and before we knew it he had put away all of the toys and organized all the shoes- exactly the job I was asking Cal to do...and Maren says, "Ayo! (look it! ) Ayo Shoes!" because he is so proud of how nicely he organized the shoes.

He did have one Helen Keller moment in Target- which would have been disturbing if not for the fact that during his minor fit he pulled madeline's tube top down. She (being nearly 13) took the opportunity while we were out f the country to purchase some clothing we never would have allowed her to buy including a tube top - so I have to say I was slightly amused that Maren pulled it down during his fit in the middle of Target- I said, "well that is what you get for wearing at tube top!"

Maren is doing so much better he has toys and siblings to play with and actually listens and doesn't always get really mad when we say "no". and at the doctor when he heard Yabsera really crying he wanted to some in and see what they were doing to him. He is very bonded with his little brother which is very nice.


all is going well...it was my first real day- just me and the kids- and well- it had its moments- but all in all- a good start and I just keep thinking that it will all go so fast and I will be back at work before I know it.

Addiskidan Guest House

I made a separate Blog for the guest house with photos and more info than you need. Please check it out if you are one of the folks who has asked for more info.
Thanks!!

URL: http://addiskidan.blogspot.com/

Direct link:

Addiskidan Guest House

The road from Addis to Denver

Here is Maren at the guest house saying goodbye to the nanny who has been with him since the beginning- she started out in Sodo with the children and was moved to Addis to care for the children there. He was shy about letting her hold him at first and just clung to daddy- but he would ask about her during the week "Ama Ejigadu" (Give me Ejigadu) and it was clear that he really thought she was special and vice versa- she worked hard at getting him to let her hold him one last time- but when he did it was very cute- he fed her some cookies. It is an Ethiopian cultural norm to feed each other- even adults do this and a women on the plane explained it is a sign of love and respect and that once you have eaten food fed by another you can never betray them. He said its like, "you would not betray the hand that once fed you." So its pretty cool one of the last things our boy did before leaving his country was to feed the woman who fed him for the last 5 months.

This is Yabsera. We dressed the boys in their traditional Ethiopian shirts to say goodbye to everyone. They left Ethiopia in these shirts. This photo shows Mesfin, the CWA accountant, he was really in love with Yabsera and was really crying saying goodbye. Everyone said "this was his baby." They said he would not start work before spending time with Yabsera. I wrote him a note and also told him he needs to give that kind of attention to another baby now that "his" little guy is going. That his attention has wonderful long term effects and thanked him for loving my baby so much. Yabsera clearly knew and loved this man- he was just giddy when he saw him after a week.
These next two photos are from the airport. They left Ethiopian their traditional Ethiopian shirts and landed in Denver in their traditional American tie dyed tee shirts. Here is Madeline with Yabsera and below is Maren and his new buddies. Yes- yabsera is a chunk- he weighed 19 1/2 pounds when I weighed him on the scale I donated to CWA in Ethiopia!


This was this morning- our kid looked like a typical American tourist- he had on a NYC Tee shirt, a USA Flag baseball cap and Mickey Mouse sneakers. It doesn't take long does it? He loves cars- actually anything with wheels- he is just fascinated. This car was dear Madeline's when she was a baby and has come through 4 moves!

"LOST" in Addis

This is from an email written before we left Addis….so if reading the blog - this comes before the last post.

We have been successful, by the grace of God, in so many of our goals here- we have traveled and seen so much of this beautiful country and met all sorts of people- just today the boys have had their photos taken with an orthodox priest and a family who lives in a round traditional hut and a beautiful young Ethiopian woman by a lake- we have seen and done more than we could ever imagine and though we are like the "others" we have felt quite like those on flight 815 who have been in the dark for so long- and I felt a bit this weekend like I had met Henry Gale himself. I think I have.

So, to tell you a few things- Maren spends about 30-90 minutes each day crying- usually at nap time- its inconsolable and difficult to listen to- today it happened in the car- our driver who was wonderful understood completely that he is a child who has come from a place where no one consoled him (I don't mean at CWA (they have been wonderful to him Thank God- I mean before he came to CWA) Please pray for his little spirit and mind to let us comfort him when he feels that way and say a few extra prayers that he does not have this crying jag on the airplane- he is so full of life and is so funny and he has been saying "I love you" since day 2 but I think he understood it this weekend- he would say ILOVEYOU and then kiss us or smile adoringly-

He loves to eat and we are amazed at his dexterity with injera and traditional Ethiopian food- but he always insists on sharing the last few bites.

Yabsera continues to be a good-natured fellow and did cry for quite some time at the hotel last night (while travelling)- he knows its not home and was tired from a long day of traveling.

We saw the most beautiful people and countryside this weekend- but I kept remarking how many people there are everywhere!! if you go into the countryside in usa you see no one- here its amazing how many poeple there are and the fact that the children who are so very very young are on there own- girls as young as 4 are carrying babies on their backs while fetching water with three or so other children between 3 and 7- this is a common site- kids doing hard hard hard manual labor everywhere- and no adults in site- We have many many photos so the boys will have wonderful life books from where they come from.

Ethiopia is a country where children are just cherished- so many strangers have come up and taken Yabsera to hold him and kiss him- and well- they actually spit on you when they are showing affection- so that has been a bit unusual- but no problem...he does seem to know me because he only lets people hold him for a short time and then reached out for me- an example of how much they cherish the kids is that our driver took Maren to the bathroom and it was not #1 - now these are poeple who love children.

our guest house is incredible and we feel like family there- you should have seen their faces when we all arrived safely home tonight...they are helping Maren and mark and I to communicate we are learning Amharic as he learns English.

Maren can say "maddiecalphoebe" but he says it like its one long Ethiopian word.

We just visited layla house and I was able to give the letters to our friend’s kids and I cried- I think visiting these other orphanages has made me a little sad because I cannot visit my own. I think they will change the new rules- but not until I leave and it breaks my heart- but with all I saw and did this weekend- I feel I have learned so much about this country and culture and will share more details when I return.

Please pray for health, for Maren that he adjusts to the plane and rests and does not get upset easily on the plane and pray for Mark and I that we feel rested.

for our kids:
This is the part I wish you had gotten the other night- I miss you guys so much- I can't even tell you- i wish you were here and I know you are going to love these guys- we do have a bit of a Helen Keller on ours hands- but one who can talk and learns very fast- and knowing where he came from-I can tell you that he is a true survivor as someone was watching over him until he came into care with cwa and then to us.

I hope baseball has gone well, and that Phoebe is getting lots of cuddles and that maddie is loving the time away from me nagging her constantly.

Susan and Carol and Kimberly and Luana and everyone else who has helped with the kids- we can't thank you enough!!!! we miss them but know they are in many many good hands.

We love you !!!
Mar, Em, Maren and Yabsera

"Maren, were not in Sodo anymore"

Home.
Sweet.
Home.

as we drove into our neighborhood with the boys for the first time I said, "Maren this is America" because that is what they are told- you are going to America! and he said, "Sodo." just like that- "Sodo" he said it again- Sodo is the town where he was born. So I said, "Maren- we're not in Sodo anymore" knowing that the reference to Oz was lost on all but a few in the car. Since Maren's Arrival to 2341 Alton Street- he has been outside basically leading the neighborhood children in a lively parade...pushing a stroller with a stuffed beagle in it, trying the scooter, stealing the soccer balls and putting them in the stroller- and teaching the kids all of his favorite words...we now use many Amharic words to communicate- because of staying at the guest house and having translators everywhere- we know much of his most commonly used words- we always say the Amharic word and the English word...one of his favorite things to do is recite the names of the other children and the caregivers in the orphanage- its almost like he is trying to make sure he remembers them all...he will often start chanting over an over to himself- sometimes intelligible words or phrases and sometimes they are words we know- one of our favorites is "Ebeneezerebeneezerebenneezer" a friend from his orphanage who will go home with his family soon. He was doing it tonight listing the names and then gets stuck on Ebneezer- he says it really really fast- its adorable- Shelley- I need pictures of him for Maren! :)

The plane ride went fairly well- a few meltdowns that were short lived- but would cause a panic among the flight attendants- his cries are loud and pretty painful to hear---but he really did well.

Yabsera seemed to enjoy the trip- until we got home when he just crashed from all of the attention.

We arrived to an airport full of children- our children and the children of the three families who have been watching our kids- its was the best thing for our kids to be greeted by this enormous gaggle of kids 12 in all. Then we came home and found that members of our church had come into our house and cleaned and organized and put together the baby stuff- you see we had the new high chair and pack and play etc- but all was still sitting in boxes in the garage...and we starting painting last fall- the living room- but never finished- our pastor came in and found the paint and finished this- I think in finding the paint saw our garage and so the VBS staff who is working hard with kids all morning and prepping all evening came and cleaned the garage and the basement and got everything ready- these are college students from North Carolina- we have never met these people- but will tomorrow when I bring the kids to VBS...so to come home to such a welcome surprise was so nice- we had my favorite dessert waiting in the fridge and food glorious food from several friends and even a woman I have never met! :)

You all know my family lives far- but they were hear in spirit- Maren's first cell phone call "hello Poppa Hello...I love you!" He later talked to Grandma (Doris) and Aunt Jill- and hopefully tomorrow we can reach Marilyn the unreachable! :)

Maren is just in heaven with all of these kids and this huge courtyard to play in- and he has never seen so many stuffed animals and kept appearing with new ones stolen from Cal or Phoebe's beds...he likes Frogs...and is scared of snakes- we gave a way a book we had with us because there was a snake on one page and when you got to the snake he would scream and shut the book so fast you had to watch out for your fingers.

keep him and yabsera in your prayers- we are so thankful we had the "family" at the guesthouse- they were really our midwives in all of this and I feel that I got the homebirth after all- I feel that even though I was not allowed in their foster home- I had this wonderful group of people who really carried us through this process- they taught us what Maren's common phrases in amharic were and helped Maren and Yabsera to know and trust and love us...the people that God put in place for this journey for us to ease our "labor" were all incredible and there is no way to repay them- but they all feel that just knowing that these two little guys will grow up with us and not on the streets of Sodo is thanks enough for them. And we were able to meet and talk with many of the staff who knew and loved the boys- we had a tearful goodbye (at the guest house) and they shared a lot with us about how these guys affected their lives. I tried to explain that what they do with the kids for the short time they have them here in Ethiopia in CWA's care- has lifetime effects and how important their work is. I think they really got that.

We will visit the doctor on Friday and start the tune up- they both have medical issues that need to be addressed- nothing unexpected- the usual suspects- and one extra finger which is freaking out some kids and fascinating others- we will have to part with that! Mark asked me while in Addis is there was such things as a "finger fairy"- his horrible sense of humor is still intact after this long trip.

Glad to be back in Kansas.

Visiting AHOPE (this is an email from Thursday June 1)

We are here at the Ghion hotel for dinner. Its
Thursday night. Today we went to AHOPE - this is the HIV
orphanage. It was the most incredible experience and I
was very moved - this is from the person who has been
caring for kids with HIV since 1990 and I have been
to HIV orphanages in romania and south africa. I was
so - well can't explain - its important not to lose
it sitting in this internet cafe. DAGNE called and
asked what we wanted to do today - we said please take
us to AHOPE. We got the grand tour and took many
photos. I then went to the older children campus and
met Kalkidan - Lisa Qualls sponsors her. We brought her
gifts and it was so beautiful and moving I can't even
tell you. Part of my sadness was not being able to do
the same for the kids at CWA- that is the foster home
Maren and Yabesera came from. We are no longer allowed
to visit - and though they may reconsider this decision
very soon- it wil not be decided until after we leave
and we are still very sad about it. Being able to
see AHOPE and not the CWA home is heartbreaking - but
Dagne has been so wonderful I can't even tell you. He
is the man in charge over here - we have only met two
other staff, the driver and his assistant and I cannot
say enough wonderful things about them. I will tell
you more when we get home because there is so much I
can say that I have no time to say it here. For
instance today - bringing us to ahope and then at the
end of a busy day bringing Maren to the doctor (at
Dange's request) for a rash on his head. He cannot get
enough of our children an often insists on holding the
baby...
The guest house - its so wonderful - again more
later but for instance today we were hanging out in the
afternon and Kidist said " coee ceremony?" and I siad
sure. It was beautiful (our 3rd) and the best is
watching Maren "bona" and drinks the coffee too...he
is teaching us Amharic and we are teaching him
English. This kid is amazing at what he can say - we
think he probably is really three - and trilingual...he
already says so much in english and because the ladies
at the guesthouse speak his language they interpret
for us and its been so nice. Yabsera is the happy
baby that everyone gushes over and when he cries they
all come running because what does a faranji like me
know about taking care of a beautiful ethiopian baby!
:) Not really. They are actually so wonderful - tonight
we are eating traditional ethiopian food and watching
some dancing...tomorrow we will go get their visas and
I will return to ahope at their request to talk with
their nurse and check out the kids. That pleases me a
great deal- and Heidi i got a new photo of joanis (sp?)
i took several - and many of the kids in kalkidans
class.
So many stories to tell - please pray for health and
pray for rest. We are tired all the time...and also for
Maren. Today he was sad at points very sad and he said
this morning "ama eshigadu". That means I want
"eshgadue". This is the nanny that has been with him
since he came to the home...Dange will probably bring
her to us so we can meet and they can say good bye. That
will make us all cry I am sure - its his old mama...

Cal, maddie, phoebe- we miss you and cannot call
easily. We love you all so much and can't wait to
bring you back here one day to visit with us. Today
Maren learned all of your names and can point to your
pictures and say your names...you will love these
guys so much--kiss kiss. Yabsera is crying - got to go.
i love you all
em and mark and maren and yabsera

Embassy successful - sort of

We're at the Hilton and the internet is a fortune and Mark is carrying two tired boys so that I can type.

I got to quickly skim all your emails. We can't use gmail on many computers here and so I have not been able to read them - but in looking them over, tears were in my eyes from all of the love and prayers we have recieved from the USA!

We got the boys at 9:00 and we have had them all day. We went to the embassy but since we did not have the specific court documents saying that the children could actually be adopted from a parent or the police report we couldn't get our visa. She thought Friday- so its good we are not leaving Friday. She was very nice though and frankly - I too would want to be sure our embassy was making sure these documents exist. We found out a little more about the boys but really not much to tell. We know what we know and that is that they seem pretty darn smart. Maren is already speaking some English - he is currently trilingual. He is like our chinese speaking Phoebe and our multilingual nana veet. He is saying more and more every minute - its really amazing actually. He speaks Wolitan, Amharic and now English but still grunts when he wants stuff. He learned "up" pretty fast when he wants Mark to hold him. Yabsera loves looking at himself in the mirror and laughs when he does this and good baby is not even enough to descibe how sweet he is.

We are in love with these guys and just can't wait for you all to meet them. If you could hear Maren's laugh - its like a cartoon character who is getting away with murder. His favorite thing to do is steal the many keys from around the guest house and pretend to lock people in their rooms. He is most definitely following in Helen Keller' footsteps...he also says wa wa for water! :)

Pray they sleep well tonight- it will be our first night with them and Mark and I will need some rest as well.

We are having fun with our guest house staff who treat our children like they were their own. I can't recommend enough the guest house as a place to stay for folks who want to save money - or give away money they would have spent on a more expensive place to the folks here who need it desperately. Sally you were right - this is a bit diiferent when it comes to the level of poverty than I have seen else where and I have been to many many places. This is different in many ways - its beautiful and the poeple are wonderful. We will have dinner tonight with CWA staff and the other family traveling with us.

Must go-- lots of money to send email.

We love you all - please read this to Cal and Maddie and Phoebe who we may not be able to call. The boys are hilarious and you will love them so very very much. We can't wait for them to meet their crazy siblings - you all go together so very very well.

LOVE LOVE LOVE
Em, Mark, Maren and Yabsera
ps I cannpot reply to separate emails now - but will - keep them coming. I love the verses and encouraging words many of you sent. The most disturbing email though was form Cal about his sunburn. Cal - I have been there - too many times to count. I hope it is better today. No worries about the shirt we can get you another one. I am glad you had Luana there to help you!!! I love you!
XXXOOO

Meeting the boys

We are here in downtown Abbis with Abebe, Getu's brother. We are going out to eat soon. We do not have internet at the guest house right now, so we have to stop at internet cafes to communicate.

We are good. We have seen the boys two times already. Three hours today. Maren is a real joker, and we slept for four hours after being with him. Sure, it could be the jet lag, but part of it was certainly trying to keep up with the VERY energetic, and funny boy.

Yabsera is very quiet, but inquisitive. He looks around a lot - seems to know his name - watches with great interest when Maren plays with interesting toys. Maren so far has said - Beep Beep - Bye Bye - Mommy - Water (or Wa, as Maddy would like to know) - smoke - and plane. I'm sure he has heard some of these words before, but we think he is a genius. He made Emily and I drink his milk - and he can't be fooled - you can't put the cup close to your lips and say yum yum, or something like that - in order to satisfy him, the cup must be lifted and touching your lips. Emily and I pretty much drank all of his milk today. Maren also ate a PBJ. So at least we have one thing to feed him at home.

Tomorrow is the embassy appointment in the afternoon. At that point they will be ours, although they might stay at the foster home in the evening so we can go to dinner with the foster care director and another family picking up their child. We have had a lovely time at the guest house. The man in charge there, Ray Lindstrom, has many fascinating stories to tell about his time in Africa, and he has made us feel very welcome. The Ethiopian staff at the guest house has also been very sweet to our children, tickling them and talking to them. I think it has helped meeting Maren and Yabsera in an environment probably very similar to their own home.

Hope to call or write or something soon - but no guarantees with the communication services here. We are well and miss you all very much.
Mark and Emily

PS - To Maddy, Cal and Phoebe
Phoebe - you need to learn this word - Amma (like momma without the first M). It is a word Maren and his orphan friends made up - it means (we're pretty sure)GIMME!. I think he may say it a lot when he sees you and wants a bite of your candy, or wants to play with your toy. We're betting that all of our kids will start saying this as well. Maddy, when 16, and asking for the car keys - AMMA! AMMA! You get the picture.
You are going to love these little guys!

A Man with one shoe walked into a bar in london

HI ALL
We are in London for the day - we did figure out how to have them keep our bags at the airport so we could walk around - but where is Jessica when you need her? Its been nice but started to rain and so we bought an expensive umbrella! Is it only in London a guy will wear a shirt that says, "I do all my own nude scenes"? Ok Mark thinks that guy was in Houston - but I am certain it was here. Anyway - we were in a pub having some chips and a man walked into the bar from the pouring rain asking if he by chance left his shoe there the day before - he had a shoe on one foot and a sock on the other - a wet sock....
Would be better if I wasn't so very sleepy. We stopped for a quick bite and I fell asleep in the restaurant. We realized we are arriving in the morning in Addis not at night like I thought- not sure why I thought that. So we may meet the boys as early as tomorrow though I will not keep up my hopes of that since things don't always go as planned I have learned. We are getting more and more nervous about it...but excited just the same -no names yet. Any suggestions? Please send them along....we would love to hear your ideas.
Hugs to our children please- we miss them and have thought of them while here many times. I have taken a few pictures of daddy - in red phone booths and other places. We were wishing we had gotten tickets to one of the great shows they have here...but I surely would have fallen asleep. We don't fly out until 10:30 pm and its about 3:00pm and I can't wait to sleep- I hope I can.
Thanks for all of your prayers and well wishes.

To think- in less than 24 hours we may be snuggling with our little boys- I know we will miss Maddie, Cal and Phoebe then more than ever...
Love Em and Mark

The countdown

If you have one kind of browser- my blog looks normal- and just to the left is a countdown to our Embassy appointment...if you have another kind of browser- the right side links and profile and clock are all way way down at the bottom. I went to a blogger fix it blog and its very time consuming to fix- basically one of my posts or links or something was too big and makes it look funny in certain browsers...but the important thing is to see that my countdown is down to 4 days and 2 hours- that is when we should have the embassy appointment- rough guess. We should actually meet them in less time than that. About 3 days until we meet our baby boys.

Mark and I have been working all night to get ready- lists, list and more lists. Mark doesn't like the idea of carrying a moneybelt. I told him he didn't really have a choice. Our Dog alone costs about the same at the kids to be cared for while we are gone.

I just wanted to write a quick "America's Amazing New Grads" post. We had this new grad, who is visiting our Pastor's family, come today and clean-and clean and clean. I was actually crying telling someone about this wonderful woman. And is she ever meticulous! She spent over an hour in our tiny powder room...I just am so thankful and so grateful and it makes leaving easier and coming home to a clean house will be so nice too.

Another friend came by with tons of Tylenol and Motrin and band-aids and then ran an errand for me. And people have been so generous with giving us money here and there and we need it so much and it’s so great and so helpful and so wonderful.

I have a friend who will blog for me in my absence- but I have warned her that this is an Ethiopian Adoption Blog and not a LOST forum where she can discuss the nuances of the Henry Gale character...though at times that is probably much more entertaining.

Just wanted to send one last post from the US. I am ready to sleep on that plane tomorrow.
Check the countdown when you read this- you too will get pangs of excitement...I wanted it to look like the clock in the bunker- but couldn't get that on my blog.

Intermission aka 6 - 7 centimeters

I have been really struggling with the change my agency has imposed. I am prayerful that no matter how this works out- It will be ok and how its meant to be at this time. I have a lot still to do to prepare- and not much time left to do it in- but at this point it feels doable- I always feel like before a big trip- that at some point- what I get done- I get done and what I don't I don’t- I always review- now what is the most important stuff I really need- a plane ticket, a passport, gobs of cash, and the paperwork- that 171h...to be able to get my boys- the rest is icing on the cake.

I plan on visiting several other orphanages as I have been asked to do so for others. If I never see the inside of my boys home- that will be one someone else shoulders. And I will make a point of gathering video footage from others who have traveled before me and those who travel after me whom I believe will be allowed in.

Today we got very complete and reassuring medical reports from CWA. With all of the appropriate testing and the various types of tests listed. They still called Yabsera a girl- but you know you can't have everything! (for those of you who have followed our referrals this has happened a few times! :) and since my kids think Yabsera sounds like a girls name- and in fact in Ethiopia, it commonly is used for a girls name- we will be adding another name- but we can't decide yet.)

I want to share a funny thing my 7 year old said last night. We were talking about how she was born with these little ear nubs and we were comparing it to Yabsera's extra little finger and I told her how this women came up to me in a store and looked at Phoebe as when she was a newborn and said, "Can she hear?" I just didn't understand why on earth she would ask me that- later I realized she probably saw the ear thingys- we had them removed when she was 10 months old. Phoebe said, "Wow! That was kind of rude wasn't it?...I mean I hope people wouldn't come up to us and see Yabsera's extra finger and say, 'can he count?'"

I loved that- ears are for hearing and fingers are for counting to a 1st grader!

I say 6-7 cms because- there is that point in labor when you are in so much pain- when pretty much no one else can do a lot to help you- at that point you turn to Jesus to hold you hand- its a precious time in labor- and you don't get to experience it if you get an epidural- its worth it to me to have seen that. At that point- you hear you are 6 - 7 cms- not quite in transition yet- and you know that you can hang out at 6 cms for a long time...it can be the most excruciating part of the labor. Its when most women ask for pain medication- this point and onward. Feels like I am there. Hard to describe- I asked a few people today if its normal to feel so crummy just a few days before you got to meet your children- the reply was "yes."

And this weekend will be long...leaving Denver by 7:30 Am and not arriving in Addis until Sunday evening. Three days of travel and one sleepy night and then I will hold my babies. That is a moment I long for at this point.

Last Weekend as a Family of 5

Today is our last Saturday together before we jump from 3 kids to 5 kids. We have been at a block party and there were so many many tiny kids- out numbering the adults and on one hand I thought- its nice my kids are all big enough to get their own hamburgers and take walks with their friends- but on the other hand I was longer for my own two babies who are not here with me. People are less and less astounded by what we are doing and much more accepting and so supportive- which is really really good- I need that now just days before I travel. I have been feeling really blue today (you know like the girl in "The Year Without a Santa Clause") and have even shed some of those big claymation tears over the fact that what I have been looking forward to for so many months- the day I meet my sons- will not be at all what I had imagined. Our agency has decided to not allow families into the orphanage to meet their children. Are you shocked? You should be- no other agency in Ethiopia does this. And its happening right before I go. So instead of little Maren- and precious Yabsera, who know nothing but these nannies and this house and these beds- will be brought to our hotel for our first meeting- a place so foreign, to meet people so foreign. We won't meet the nannies who have loved on them or get pictures of them with their nannies- Maren will not be able to show us where he sleeps. I feel so discouraged. Its like I have had this birth plan and someone has said I will have to deliver at the hospital instead of at home like I planned. I remember when that happened with Cal- I was devastated and it took time to recover. I was emailing my good friend today- she has been my lifeline through this whole experience and it occurred to me that we will have to make our own experience and make it memorable and special and we cannot rely on CWA to do this for us- we will have to have our own coffee ceremony for our boys and buy them Ethiopian clothes and just pray that God works on their little hearts so they are not afraid of us- but happy to finally be in our arms. I am so glad to be getting them soon- to be bringing them home- they need us and we need them. Still thinking of names! and packing....

Ok I tried to find a picture of the girl with the big claymation tears- but I could only find Heat Miser and Cold Miser- we often called my brother "miser" because of this character due to his red hair- and that cheered me up. The claymation red hair.

Beautiful Boys on Birth certificates

I was not feeling well this morning and managed after everyone left the house to go back to sleep- My very close friend, Molly was in labor last night and I was woken by a tearful friend who announced, "My Baby's Breech" through tears...It took me a second to realize what she had said- and to process that she wasn't saying something 100,000 times worse than that. But at that moment- it was the saddest thing for her- she did not want or plan to have a C-section- but all went well and Piper Rose was born this morning. So, I am asleep having fever dreams and night sweats and Mark calls and tells me about the email that came with the bys birth certificates. He told me all the little details- like Yabsera's name being spelled "Yebsera". The Names are Yebsera Mark Barr and Maren Mark Barr - there are birth dates and it says "Mother" "Emily Barr". I liked that.

The birthdates are usually random. The baby turns out to be 7 months old. Maren turns out to be 3 years and 4 months old. I find it hard to believe he is that old- he would be just so tiny based on heights and weights we got recently. But we will see when we meet him...Oh and I can't wait. Mark is growing his beard. For each baby Mark had a beard - he always thought that it was the baby's only way to know that this was Daddy and not Mommy- Daddy is the one with the scratchy face when you reach up with your tiny hand. But he said he is a bit worried that it might scare the boys- are there many men with beards there? And the photos we have sent- He does not have a beard. But I think they will know- I always say- Kids know when someone likes them- I have seen it with my own kids- they can tell when someone really digs them- my patients know when I really adore them - they can tell - and they respond differently when they feel that. I make a point of falling for all of my patients- some are easier to fall for than others- but in the end- they know when that has happened- when they have me wrapped around their finger.

So I know that Maren and Yabsera will know quickly that their Daddy with the scratchy face is their Daddy and loves them immensely.

I will try and put the photos from the birth certificates on the "Maureen Blog" as it has been come to be known..because those two pictures are so incredible.

Today we got a package from a good friend- she ordered me a lact-aid system so I could breast feed Yabsera- it is so great and what a great gift- to get something that you, frankly, couldn't ask that many people to get for you. And another friend left me a check- I can't tell you all how great it is- another friend will be giving us their crib mattress- we have countless people praying for us- and I have this group of families who have agreed to keep the Barr kids busy while we are gone- its truly like everyone has come together to bring these kids home. And the more I am learning about their lives - I realize- if they stayed in Ethiopia- they would not likely be alive- the baby might not be alive today and Maren might be alive- but he might very well be starving, without a home, without clothes, without a family- and would not live. So thank you Thank you Thank you to all of you for the prayer and support!

Main Street Sodo


This picture came from when you google Sodo Ethiopia- where the boys are from- this is the picture that comes up- I was looking at it with my Ethiopian Friend and I said, "Is that really Sodo?" and he said, "Yes Emily- you will see- you will see how the people live- they have nothing- you will see how bad it is- you will see how lucky these two boys are." We feel like the lucky ones.

11 fingers and 10 toes

Here we are all acting like we are "expecting"- while visiting a freind who was very pregnant- and still is -but her water JUST BROKE!!

You know how when you have a baby- they say that you count all of their fingers and toes? How people say, "He has 10 fingers and 10 toes!" Well, even though I have scrutinized my photos and I mean scrutinized them...I know that Maren is wearing the pink happy suit in some pictures and later his little brother is wearing it! So even though I thought I had seen everything- I saw that Yabsera has an extra pinky on his left hand. Its not like you are thinking- I think people call it a "phantom digit". It is something that can easily be removed and in the US would have been done at birth. Once I saw it yesterday- I went back and sure enough - its in every picture- not sure how I missed it. All of our birth kids have had some kind of birth anomaly- so we thought that it was fitting that Yabsera does too...I wonder what we might find in all of Maren's nooks and crannies...and speaking of Maren- I got an email yesterday that he "destroyed" his toys. I just can't wait to bring him home and give him some toys that are his to keep and that no one is going to take away- I think in the care setting like that with lots of kids they are always grabbing toys away from each other. So I look forward to letting him know that he can have stuff that is all his! Until Yabsera learns to crawl and starts the stealing! But hopefully by then he will get it that it’s just the 7 of us- and most of us don't want his toys and books! I also made a new photo album to bring with me because I am not sure his is still there= so we can look at it on the way home- its has pictures of grandparents and cousins and Max- our beagle and the kids and I put in several photos of he and Yabsera - I thought he would like that! I have a little Curious George back pack to put some fun stuff in for the plane ride home.

Work is busy- I am trying to get everything settled by Friday- I told them I would come in Tuesday to put someone on a study - but that I plan to be out next week. Pray we get on the flight on the 24th!

Happy Mother's Day

It was a good day. It was Phoebe's birthday and we went to visit a close friend who is due to have her first baby any day now. We were able to do some much needed shopping for the trip and pick up some things like formula and wipes and duffle bags to carry the donations in. My good friend who brought her babies home last week has been on my mind a lot and I ask you to pray for them. The twins they brought home are doing well but they have encountered some medical issues and I would like you all to pray for them. I wish I could post pictures of these two babies- they are so incredibly beautiful0 her daughter- who is supposed to be about 6 months only weighed 8 pounds when she got home- but she is growing and gaining and smiling and cooing now. Keep them in your prayers. And while you pray for them- please pray for Maren and Yabsera- they are doing well - we have heard- but each day that passes- I worry a little bit more about them and how they are- pray they are healthy and well and thriving. Mark surprised me today with a wonderful mother's day card and in it he said I was an awesome mother of 5 and on July 17th will get to be a fan of four...and I knew immediately that he ad gotten me tickets to go see Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young at Red Rocks! I was so happy- we haven't gone to a concert in years - before we had kids we went to a lot of shows. We saw CSNY in San Francisco in 1991 in a great small theatre- and the set was like a living room and that was how it felt- like you were sitting in their living room listening to them play "Guinevere". I was worried who would want to watch 5 kids and he said- we will figure that out. It was one of the nicest and best surprises since he got me TIVO ;).

Happy Mother's Day!

Act 1 Scene 3: Where the Barr's have an Embassy date AND plane tickets

For anyone who does not believe in the power of prayer...I can't even begin to tell you how God has just walked us through every bit of this. Do you believe me that there were no flights? Or I should say most flights were booked and the only flights we could get were extremely costly- I am not exaggerating when I say they cost more than the international fees for our adoption. One airline quoted me at 8,000.00 a ticket! I called my CWA case manager and even though I said I wouldn't cry...I did...ok not surprising - but still, I was prepared to give up and move the date further out, which made me really upset- those of you who have been to our photo blog AKA "The Maureen Blog"- have seen these little faces and know that they are adorable and I just can't wait to hold them and kiss them and play with them and hear them laugh and hear them cry and respond to their cries..so waiting even one more week was heartbreaking. Tracy prayed with me on the phone. I had really just given this one to God. And the travel agent. :) Our travel agent is Susan Parr.

Susan Parr Travel

We have been working with her for a few weeks now, back when we first thought we were traveling this week. She did not give up and while looking at flights for the following week she somehow got us on that Ethiopian Air Flight we had been trying to get on for over a day and a half. And we paid for it today! Its the least expensive and the nice thing about Ethiopian Air is that the kids will have many Ethiopians and people who speak their language during a time of great stress. British Air is nice for Denver because you can fly directly in to Denver- but it is more money- we wanted to pay less if possible.

We are on a wait list for the earlier flight out and hope to get that.

Please keep my good friend who brought her babies home in your prayers. They are doing so much better now that they are with their mom and dad- but it has just been a difficult experience for them since the beginning and I have grown to love them dearly and they need prayer to get through all of the hurdles that lie ahead. They sent me a photo of the babies with outfits I had bought them before they left- and they already look so different from the photos taken just two weeks ago!

Please also pray for safety as there was some violence and terrorism in Addis today. I believe 9 people died and many were injured. I would post a link to the news article- but it’s just too sad to have it on the blog- so if you want to read more you can google it. The good news it was not near the CWA foster home and everyone connected with CWA is safe including the children. But be praying that we can travel safely to bring our boys home.

Its summer here in Denver- today it was in the 80s and it was a beautiful day for the Shakespeare Festival. Madeline was awesome in her scene from "As You Like It" and Phoebe turns 7 this weekend...its good I am getting new babies because my baby is no longer a baby!!!

What others are saying about the new Barr boys

From the mom who waits at home for her husband to bring home their new son Max:

"Brian just called -- he returned to the orphanage and met your children. He said they both look very healthy. His comments:

Maren: Maren has the prettiest eyes and the longest eyelashes he has ever seen. He said that they are very big and long. Maren was very sweet and was playing with other kids and their toys the entire time he was there. Brian said that he seemed to be enjoying himself and was very happy.

Yabsera also seemed very healthy and is big. He was in his crib while he was there but said that he was awake and happy - the baby was not crying at all."

and this from CWA taken on May 2nd:

Yaebser (if he is 6 months he is decent sized- if he is 9 months he is smallish)

Height 64cm

Weight 7.5kg

Maren (if he is 3 he is itty bitty- if he is 2 he is really big- if he is 2 1/2 he is a good sized kid)

Height 89cm

Weight 12kg


I got donations at an Academy Award party I had, and raised enough to buy a scale to bring to Ethiopia- I also purchased a special tool used to measure length on infants and I am bringing a foot measurer a good friend finagled from Payless Shoes- they just plain gave it to her when she told them why she wanted it.

If you noticed I have not posted about my travel - that is purposeful. Keep us in your prayers and I hope to have good word tomorrow. I was blessed today by a friend who sent us a check out of the blue and another friend, whom I adore, who was visiting and just handed me some money when she left- not a huge amount or anything- but as you know - at this point every bit counts- she said, "Here- take this- I will tell you later why- just take it." So there is a mysterious reason- but it was still affirming to get these notes of encouragement during times of great stress. An email came from a friend who brought home infant twins a year ago from Ethiopia and an email from a long lost friend from high school found its way to me- this was written back in February! And finally my good friend who is bringing home three kids from Ethiopia very soon (they will also have 5 kids) called just to check on me- it was very sweet and meant a lot to me- so thanks out there to all of you who have heard my cries of stress and anxiety over the last 24 hours. It’s so good to know you care and get it.

And I can't believe what happend on LOST tonight! That is a whole 'nuther blog!

Act 1 Scene 2: How the war and rising gas prices affects when I get my children

I feel I have to blame somebody for the sadness and frustration I feel today and I was thinking it is so much easier to blame George Bush than anyone else...We got the long awaited email from our case manager that we have an embassy Date- but its not what we had been thinking and planning for- we thought we would be leaving next wed for an Embassy date on the 23rd of May. But the email went something like this: "Congratulations you have an embassy date of May 30th!" It looked like the type of email that would cause all sorts of celebrating and joy...but I just plummeted into sadness- for many reasons- one being its one more week before I get to be with my two boys- I just can't wait to see these guys- hold them- kiss them- watch them sleep- play with them- feed them- care for them- bring them home to meet their sisters and brother...etc etc. I also knew that plane tickets would be hard to come by. I was busy all day and so it wasn't until the very end when I got the email from our travel agent who wrote to say she could get us on a Lufthansa flight for a ton of money and we would have to get German tourist visas for the kids...and that...point blank...there were no other flights- no wait listing- no flights. Nothing. At this point- I knew the next step was to ask for a new embassy date of one week later...yes...LATER....I can't even begin to describe the kind of tailspin this sent me into- because it means so many things as far as the plans for childcare- I now not only need to see if someone can watch my kids while we are gone and they are out of school- before they would have been in school all day- but I need to find someone to watch them the first week of summer when I would still be working. And work???? I am so ready to be gone from work its not even funny. I planned it all around being GONE BY NEXT WEEK. (Sorry Chipees who may be reading this...its not you...its work) Anyway...I am still in limbo...tomorrow - I call and ask to move my embassy date and get new tickets and hopefully save money.

What’s one more week? Well its a lot when you are just a baby and a little boy - now granted - they don't know that they aren't with me- which is good- its just me who knows and feels their loss at this point (and Phoebe who asked every day when they will be home- today she said, will they be home for my birthday? Which is this weekend- so "No, Phoebe they will be home a month after your birthday!" Bummer. I think that sadness I feel is somewhat accumulative...this whole process is just so incredibly stressful and it does tend to build up quite a bit. And when I am sad I miss my family a lot. They are all very far away- and there are no plans for any Colorado visits in the near future. But I have some wonderful friends- and I am glad they are here. (I have to say that in case you are reading and think I have forgotten how wonderful you all are!)

Why blame Bush? War equals rising gas prices and rising gas prices translates into less airplanes flying and higher prices…which means I don't get to smooch my babies for another month.

Act I Scene I: I still know nothing

I am almost a week away from our expected travel date (May 17th) and still do not know when we travel. I am hoping to hear something tomorrow- but I am starting to worry it will be yet another week of waiting after that. Everyone asks all the time if I know anything...I don't blame them- they all want to know just as much as I do. And we have this whole cast of characters in the wings waiting to "perform" child care for us and yet I can't give them their cue until I know when opening night is....it's tricky. Keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we pack our bags and prepare to take the show on the road.

John 14

Jesus Comforts His Disciples
"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me.
2 In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have
told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. 3 And if I go
and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with
me that you also may be where I am. 4 You know the way to the place
where I am going."

Jesus the Way to the Father
5 Thomas said to him, "Lord, we don't know where you are going, so
how can we know the way?"
6 Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one
comes to the Father except through me. 7 If you really knew me, you
would know my Father as well. From now on, you do know him and have
seen him."

News from Addis and Notes on Boycotts and Breastfeeding

One of the friends I have made through this process is in Addis right now picking up her children. They are adorable and she is very happy to finally be with them. She is hoping to get an earlier embassy appointment so they can leave as soon as possible. They are both tiny babies and need lots of love and attention right now...so its good their mom and dad are there to give them that. Anyway, she wrote me today to let me know how my boys were. As you know, we have not heard much about Yabsera and even today- I was happy to get new measurements on the boys- but they said his weight was 4 kg which is about 8 pounds...well that along with his height and someone else saying he is a "good sized 7-8 month old” made me think it had to be wrong. It’s been a challenge to get good accurate information from Ethiopia to North Carolina to the families. I am sure it will get better as this agency processes more and more families- we are like family number 10, I think, to go and pick up kids. WE did request that our embassy date be the 23rd of May- its a week later - but for many reasons it made sense to do that. We will not know for sure until...well...until we know. If it is then we may leave May 17th. This would be good because I have loaded up my clinic on May 16th, I will be here for Shakespeare festival, Maddie's theatre banquet, and of course our dear Phoebe Darling's 7th birthday. So the news...here is what she wrote:

"Em-
Yes, it was a good day!!! :-)

First - your boys are awesome!!!! I have held them, kissed them, played with them. I will attach photos, but they don't do them justice. Yabsera looks very healthy. He has been to two doctors for his skin, one today. They are treating it as if it is scabies, but it is not bad at all and I know you will be able to get it healed quickly at home. He smiles, laughs, is very responsive. He can hold his own weight if I hold him by the hands. Child of laughter!!!

Maren will be somewhat of handful on the plane ride home, so you may want to try that benedryl!!! He is just a doll. Not naughty, but full of life. He loves to laugh. We played tickle games. He would not take off his shoes for me, but Sharon said she thinks he is 5 1/2 or 6 (she measured).

All of the children except our baby girl are in very good health. I learned to day that we have our baby girl to thank for that! When she came she was so bad they took her to a dr here who ordered her formula with iron. Dagne just ordered the same thing for all of the babies! So they have all been on Nestle Infant Formula with Iron, I think it is called Nans (?). They are also fed rice cereal with fruit; I think also a Nestle product. I am really happy! They look great! They said Yabsera, and the other babies were somewhat malnourished when they arrived, but a month on formula has done wonders!!!!"

So, those of you who know me, know that I sometimes take a stand against stuff...I have become much more complacent in my old age...right now my only boycott is Tommy Hilfiger...but there was a time I would not buy NESTLE products. Yup. And that is hard to do...because they make a ton of things.

Historical Timeline on Nestle Boycott

If you look at this time line- and you look at 1988...that is right around when I probably joined the fight against Nestle. It was also the time you found me marching on Tiananmen Square with the Chinese Students, joining the fight against Racism at Cornell University, and shortly before I moved to Northern California to take care of children with HIV. My bumper sticker read "Fight AIDS not people with AIDS" Anyway, I am still all about fighting racism, I still feel the Chinese have suffered oppression, and I still think we have a long way to go to get rid of the stigma that goes along with having HIV....but admittedly I am ready to go out and buy a case of Nestle chocolate bars...for two reasons...one- I could really use the chocolate to help with my stress and two because after reading that it was Nestle formula with Iron that has made Yabsera healthier- it would be hard for me to personally knock it.

And you all know what a huge proponent of breastfeeding I am...if you see my links you can find a link for mothers wishing to breastfeed their adopted child. I think it’s great if you can do it. Here is a link to more information:

Great Site on Adoptive Breastfeeding

So, still waiting on an embassy date and therefore a travel date...feeling better tonight after hearing Yabsera is weight bearing and that Maren is being a huge pain in everyone's butt...I take that as a good sign.

Good News on Maren and Yabsera

This is from an email that a friend who is there picking up her two children sent to me today:

Em,
I would say he (Yabsera) looks great for 7-8 months.... I didn't want to disturb him while he was sleeping. Maren is very funny. He loves books and we actually left one of the books we took to the home with him because he loved it so much. He loves to be held and enjoys playing. Bethlehem and he battle for attention a lot. You are going to love his personality and his energy!

Under the Mercy,
Sharon

So, my concern for Yabsera is probably without merit- I hope. I was getting together 6 month clothes thinking he looked small- we will see what Maureen - who arrives tomorrow and will see them on Wednesday thinks. Today someone mentioned bottles...need that still. We were not thinking baby since the beginning of this process so its hard to try and think of everything we will need to bring...formula...diapers...bottles...Maren is potty trained - how about that- he likes to read, he is sweet and he can pee on a potty! That is so great!

Waiting on hold with British Airways

Don't you just love when an agency or group does something special so that you can get some great deal on something...but the only way you can get that deal is either by jumping through so many hoops that is becomes unreasonable or you need money to get the deal...so the deal is worthless to you anyway? British Airways as this adoption deal but to even ask what the rate is I have to fax them a bunch of stuff and give them a dna sample before they will even give me a quote. I am not kidding - its like preparing a dossier just to fly- I have now been on hold with them for over half an hour- because she said I would not get my quote until 48 hours after I send them all of this paperwork. I said, "but I am leaving next week- I don't have 48 hours to see if you can give me the best deal." So she said she would get me her supervisor and now I am on hold. For the record, KLM/Northwest was able to give me a quote right away- however- it was about 3,000.00 per adult and then another 1500.00 for the kids. That brings us to....(drum roll please) 7500.00. Its great that the plane fair costs more than the international adoption fees. British Airways will be about the same...so back to the travel agent and see what she can scrounge up. Man if I end up on the Dutch airline again (I have not had pleasant experiences with KLM) that will almost be funny...not funny- just almost funny. But I would fly them again- even next to the miserable Dutch family I flew with from Johannesburg to Amsterdam and - yes- dare I say- even with the insanely inebriated woman who kept reaching over her head and giving me the finger all the way from Amsterdam to Capetown. Gee, I wonder if they will have the same two sitcoms playing the whole way that I had to watch 6 or 7 times when I last flew them? here is a photo of Phlat Phoebe who travels with me- she is in the Amsterdam airport with the dutch kissing ceramics in the background.

So, I am griping, but I got wonderful news on the boys today. I think I need to put it in a separate post...don't want to mix travel angst with baby joy.