our eyes once watered....

"We cross our bridges when we come to them and burn them behind us, with nothing to show for our progress except a memory of the smell of smoke, and a presumption that once our eyes watered."
- Tom Stoppard

My friend and I were reading old emails written exactly two years ago. My life two years ago was in many ways not so different from my life now. I wrote to her that I felt like March had been one of the longest months in my life- how I had received my referral of two boys on March 1st and during that month had to have several painful discussions with family members, find the last payment due for the adoption, wait on 171h status, along with a slew of other stresses both job related and life related...what is not different? The amount of stress and fatigue I feel right now. It feels like more because its right now...but when I read those 2 year old emails- I certainly sound like I am not having an easy time of it.

Two years ago I found that quote and it felt so pertinent then and even more so now. And at that time I was arguing that you can't possibly burn every bridge in your life to a pulp- you must maintain those bridges that are not only worth maintaining, but your very life, your emotional well being, depends on it.

I love the quote. I especially love how when it talks about this thing in the past. How it refers to the pain as something that must have been so bad we presume that we were wrecked over it. On one hand it is sort of like we are saying, "Wow that was a really tough time, It must have been so hard...but I can't quite remember how difficult it really was." And on the other hand it says, "That time in your life must have been so very horrible that I can only presume that you must have been a real wreck." There is an assumption of very real grief.

...and as my friend pointed out today, "... It is so amazing to see how much we've come through, and how well we've weathered so much of what was total overload at the time we wrote all this! I agree, our eyes must have watered."

I replied, "I would presume so..."