The Video of Our Trip to Sodo

Here is the video of our drive to Sodo. The quality is not that great because you have to make it a pretty small file size to use You Tube- but I did not know how else to do it. There is nice music that goes along so turn your volume on.




And here is a short slideshow of the day we met the boys in Addis. Again- sorry about the quality. It starts with us at the airport and then travelling through London and finally at the guest house in Addis meeting our boys.

One of Those Days...

I have been having one of those days...really its been like this all week. Part of the reason I have felt kind of crummy is that I go back to work on Monday. I have a wonderful job and work with wonderful people.

My Clinic

And I adore my patients and families. It is where God sent me and called me to work many many years ago. But I am still sad- I would love to be home more with my children- But again- this is where He wants me right now, so I am working hard to say , "Ok God- use me...you gave me more than my hearts desire- with this incredible husband and these 5 amazing children- I can do this."

I have spent a lot of time reflecting on many things over the past 4 months- one of them is family- How important my own siblings are to me as I have watched the relationships of the new kids in our family develop...I find myself wondering how this relationship will grow over time.

I am very close with my sister, Jill. She is one of the coolest mom's around. Her kids are wonderful and are a true testament to her attitude towards parenting. She is patient, she listens, she laughs, she cries, she is fun and she is a teacher. She and I are the bookends in my family- here we are laughing during a blackout in Rochester, NY this summer. We try and call each other every day- we don't talk- we leave messages- she calls on her way to work- and leaves a message- this is at about 5:00AM my time. I then listen to her message on my way to work (8:00 AM) and call her and leave a message. Then on her way home from work she listens to me and then calls and leaves me a message...or not- because sometimes I leave 5 messages and she does not have time to talk herself! :) This way we stay in close touch about what is happening. We started this a few years ago and it’s amazing we have kept it up- but we are very close because of it. Sometimes a long time will go by without us actually having a conversation- but our ongoing conversation is great because we have to listen to each other before we can but in. This is especially good for me- known for butting in.

This next photo is of the top of my brother's head. He and I are only 15 months apart. He is a great big brother. We shared a room growing up and I love him dearly. He lives in NYC and here he is with his baby boy- his next baby is due in November. He is one of the most giving and compassionate people I know. Creative. Smart. and Funny. I think God gave us each other. I came about in kind of in a surprise kind of way- though my mother would never admit that- she always says, "I always wanted 4 kids- 2 boys and 2 girls!" But I think God thought...this little guy is going to need someone to be little with and to giggle with and to fight with when he is a teenager...and to love him when he is an adult. And of course I have always needed him. So we have always had each other.


This last picture is of my other older brother. Uncle Gordy. The other day Phoebe said, "If something happens to you and Daddy what happens to us?" I said, "You would go and live with Aunt Jill and be near Aunt Sharon and Grandma and Poppa and Marilyn." She replied, "No I want to live with Uncle Gordy." He is so much fun and incredibly funny- the one who can make us all laugh until we cry. Here he is a few years ago with the classic pull my finger joke- just perfect for Cal who was about 7 at the time. I just love that picture of Cal because its shoes how I feel when I am around my brother. He is loyal and strong and goes to God in ways I can really learn from.


So, this week has brought about a lot of feelings- of family and work. And when I think about my family history - all of the difficult things and all of the good things...I would not change that- or take it away- the stories we have lived as a family have shaped us into who we are today...a midwife, an actor, a writer, a teacher, a mother, a father...and many of our issues go way back- far into the depths of our early childhood. But we know that history. We can try and understand why we feel the way we feel today. My little boys from Ethiopia have those stories too- they have that history- but they will not be able to rely on that to help them understand why they feel sad at certain times...why when Maren is punished sometimes he cries- and sometimes he just gets really quiet- punishingly quiet.

There are families in Ethiopia who are choosing adoption for their children- Mothers of 2, 3, 4, and 5 children- walking them to a place - being videotaped or photographed- saying they want something better for their kids, saying they want their kids to go to America and then come back and care for them. They can't possibly understand all of the implications of this choice they are making- especially if we don't. But in all of the poorest and most destitute communities of the world- people will give their children and their wives to prostitution to have bread at the next meal...then sending a child to America has got to be a million times better than the alternative...starve...hard work...prostitution...HIV...So, why can I not get the thought out of my head that these parents are giving up the one thing that is the most meaningful in their lives...and that their grief over the loss might quite possibly be insurmountable? Could this choice be the very death of them? And what is it doing to the children? Do these parents understand what adoption means? What it means to quite possibly never see their child again? And please don't get me wrong. I am not judging the people who make this plan for their children. I understand that they live in a world so unlike ours...a world where my little boy never owned a single pair of shoes...and came into care wearing a large tattered piece of cloth- no pants- and too weak to walk...so I am not saying that people shouldn't be allowed to make this choice. I just want to be sure they are able to talk about it, think about it, digest it and that hopefully- God willing- they are offered a way out. How can we help you do this on your own?

My husband's family is in their 4th generation of living in Malawi. His dad was born there- his grandparents went there in the 1930's. His cousins started a program called KINDLE orphan outreach in response to the devastating orphan crisis in Malwai. The program is designed first and foremost to provide food, medical care and water so that families can keep their children. They knew when they started the program that ultimately they would probably have to start an orphanage. But they have not done that yet. Instead they have managed to keep families intact through their mission.

Kindle Orphan Outreach

So...what will the documentary look like in 20 or 30 years that my little filmmaker will make of his journey and the journey of a generation of Ethiopian children- some of whom left family behind- some who left against their will. I can imagine that film. And that is what has been making me think all week. I am praying for agencies out there to be cautious. To stop and evaluate their plans on a regular basis. To be present in the country they are working with. To maintain information on the birth families for the children who have family in Ethiopia. Yes, there is an immediacy of saving a life, but there is also that life to think about. Think long term. Do things to help this child...not just right now...not just today...but help this child succeed and flourish to be successful and happy adults...and slow down. God has given you a gift and the gift is a gift to children and the gift is a gift to the families. Take good care of God's gift.

Yabsera Then and Now

Here is Yabsera around the time of his referral- Last March. We liked how he was holding his own sign. What we did not notice was his little extra pinky finger- we saw it later in another photo. He was holding a purple rattle and I was studying the photo late one night and saw something extra with the rattle...and then I looked back and sure enough- there is was.

My friend Maureen was visiting with him when she went to get her kids- - even she did not notice this extra finger- and she is holding his hands. I love this picture because Maureen is in it- we are very close and yet we have never met in person- but she has met my youngest two kids and our kids shared a home and nannies. Our 7 year olds share a birthday and our 9-year-old son's share a name and our oldest daughters were born within a month of each other. We were pregnant at the same time for all of our pregnancies, we were at the same St. Patrick’s Day Parade in Savannah GA in 1992, and we met through CWA- our adoption agency- because we were sending our dossiers in at the same time- we got our referrals on the same day. Our court dates were 4 days apart and our sons share the same given name. But we have never met- but these are her hands holding my youngest child's hands.

Here is Mark- this is when we first met Yabsera- our relationship is just minutes old in this photo- we were in the bedroom of our guest house just the 4 of us- Mark and I and Maren and Yabsera. It was very nice. And also a bit strange. :)
This is how Yabsera looked the day we got to keep him forever- the embassy day. May 30, 2006. Sitting up with the help of a few pillows. Later at the embassy I would forget he needed pillows and sit him up and then while trying to catch Maren who was running around - Yabsera would fall and cry so loud and everyone in the room would wonder who on earth would ever give me a home study that said I could adopt anyone!
Here he is in his favorite room- the bathroom- he loves the bath, the faucets, the TOILET!!! He stuck his hand in the toilet just 24 hours after he had his hand surgery- not pretty. I have cropped out his cute behind for privacy sake! :)
This is Yabsera's big brother, Cal. He is 9 years older than Yabsera- that is how much older my sister Jill is than me. I love my sister so much and we are very close- I know that Cal and Yabsera will always be close- because Cal can Make Yabsera smile no matter what! Cal likes to wrestle Yabsera and this freaks me out- but Yabsera loves it. This is the day that Yabsera had his hand surgery- he had general and was asleep and did very well- all the nurses and doctors remarked at how "good" and "sweet" he was the whole morning. Then he was loopy on the medicine for the rest of the day- which made us giggle.

Here he is just the other day. He and Maren were finger painting. I wanted to get hand and foot prints for their memory boxes. It was messy and I probably shouldn't have tried it alone- there was paint everywhere. And I couldn't contain one child while I cleaned up the other. But they had fun and I got my footprint and hand prints!


Yabsera is starting to take steps! He finds this fun- but since he can crawl so fast- he is not that interested in walking to get from point A to point B yet- he likes it only for show right now- but it won't be long.

Yabsera's birthday is very soon. He will be 1. We think he is probably already one and will try and change his birthdate when we readopt him to reflect this. Sometimes we wonder if he is 1, or 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, or 42.

Soon it will be easier for me to answer when people ask how old he is- I will say he is 1...I will try hard not to correct myself and over explain why he may not be what I am saying he is. That has been hard for me- I think when he turns 1 - then he is 1...and that will be that.

The Many Faces of Maren

Here is our older son. We adopted him from Ethiopia through CWA in May 2006. He is very dramatic, as you can see, and the other day we decided to put together a bunch of his funny pictures- these are not even close to all of them - there are a lot...OK...I can't for the life of me get the captions to line up next to the pictures...so it will have to be like a game- you try and match the caption to the photo!

Here are some of the very first referral photos we got. He was looking very serious. but then we came across a cute one where he is being playful. This is the maren we now know. Not that he can't be serious in a photo- he especially likes to do that when we ask him to "smile!"




















































Here is when I first met the boys- I was so sleep deprived and we had arrived just 20 minutes earlier. they asked- "when do you want to meet the boys?" Where my husband replied, "As soon as possible!" And I am thinking...hmmmm...shower? Nap? Ok Ok! The boys!!! :)

Here he is playing in the closet at the Guest house...he loved playing in there and also under the bed!


Another early photo of Maren playing at the guest house...the other day he said to me, "Mommy...I love that big house in Addis- where we met." He really liked it there- he loved the people there.






















This was taken on our lovely trip to Sodo...see the post "To Sodo with Love" for more pictures- this was the highlight of our trip and Maren still talks about it- just today he played that he was "Going to Sodo!" with his cars.






Here is Maren's favorite cousin. She went off to college this fall and he talks about "Carolyn College!" He insists she will come to his birthday party...but they live very far away...



Maren and his big sister...the other drama queen in the family.






This is one of my favorites. Its Maren asleep on the stairs. he was taking a nap...woke up...got this far and fell back asleep.













The worlds silliest and messiest eater award goes to.....many of our silly pictures are of chewed food in his mouth...I don't mean to take the shot- but he opens his mouth at the last minute.










One of the clues we had that our little guy was not three years old. His amazing ability to ride a scooter- teaching himself - almost overnight- he is really such a show off on it- can do it one footed for long stretches of sidewalk.



And even playing in the sand becomes a show....
































He loves dressing up...he is mildly obssessed with the idea of Halloween. I got an Elmo costume at a tag sale and we can't get him to take it off.











And this was his first haircut in the U.S. He acted like he had never had one before....














Here he is right after his first haircut...

One of the pictures when we said, "Smile!" this is what he did....

































He had a lot of fun with this thing...

















One of the best pictures- Maren and his favorite human on the planet!!!


Maren got to interview Elmo on TV at the Children's Museum in Rochester NY.



















Eating Thai food is almost as fun as eating Injera!


















Maren loves his CD player...he is on his 2nd one...

















How he re enacted eating his first dorito for mom.





















And of course...the irish dancing wig must be tried on....