Fly Away Home

2011-03-06T19:23:00.000-07:00

Letter to CWA

2009-11-02T09:31:00.003-07:00

By the way- I have MANY letters I have written to CWA- most lie safely in my "drafts" file- but one day I might have to get them out- they have never responded to anything I have written - even when multiple families participated in the writing of the letter to an action that affected everyone. But here is the letter I sent to Tomilee Harding- If you wonder why I am still speaking out about CWA it is because they have consistently participated in falsifying adoption records, lying to adoptive parents, avoiding the truth when it puts them at risk even when it affects a child and his or her family forever. And this next plan to build a place where they can truly harvest Ethiopian babies makes my stomach turn. If you think I am exaggerating watch this video and imagine yourself a young pregnant woman in Ethiopia- who perhaps was turned away by her family, was abused, who may have been raped and you need help- tell me placing these women in a camp with orphans being adopted and adoptive families always around would not feel coercive in relinquishing your infant- you would surely see that the child had a "way out" and you would easily be convinced that you could see this child again- that maybe even this child will grow up and come back and take care of you. You would not know the truth and the grief until it was "too late." Click here to watch the video on Acacia Village

Here is the letter I wrote to CWA today. It has to do with the change in our law allowing people with HIV to come to the US without a Waiver.

Dear Ms Harding:
You wonder why you are having to deal with the repercussions of your deceit. I think much of goes back to your reasons for not wanting to assist families in adopting children with HIV; siblings of children whose adoptions you were facilitating...because it was "bad for America". The statements you made back then about HIV just helped to promote fear and stigma. CWA should have been the first agency to facilitate adoptions of children with HIV instead of facilitating false adoptions under false pretenses. I saw a recent picture of Acacia village and it is not even close to being done- you really need to be careful what you say or your hole will get so deep it will bury you.

Below are the remarks on finally dissolving the waiver process for families adopting children with HIV, as well as allowing other visitors and immigrants in who have HIV. So, now that "America" says its ok to come to the US if you have HIV- would you be willing to facilitate an adoption of an HIV+ child?

Thanks
Emily Barr

"We often speak about AIDS as if it's going on somewhere else. And for good reason -- this is a virus that has touched lives and decimated communities around the world, particularly in Africa. But often overlooked is the fact that we face a serious HIV/AIDS epidemic of our own -- right here in Washington, D.C., and right here in the United States of America. And today, we are taking two important steps forward in the fight that we face here at home.It has been nearly three decades since this virus first became known. But for years, we refused to recognize it for what it was. It was coined a "gay disease." Those who had it were viewed with suspicion. There was a sense among some that people afflicted by AIDS somehow deserved their fate and that it was acceptable for our nation to look the other way. A number of events and advances over the years have broadened our understanding of this cruel illness. One of them came in 1984, when a 13-year-old boy from central Indiana contracted HIV/AIDS from a transfusion. Doctors assured people that Ryan White posed no risk to his classmates or his community. But ignorance was still widespread. People didn't yet understand or believe that the virus couldn't be spread by casual contact. Parents protested Ryan's attendance in class. Some even pulled their kids out of school. Things got so bad that the White family had to ultimately move to another town.It would have been easy for Ryan and his family to stay quiet and to fight the illness in private. But what Ryan showed was the same courage and strength that so many HIV-positive activists have shown over the years and shown around -- show around the world today. And because he did, we didn't just become more informed about HIV/AIDS, we began to take action to fight it. In 1990, the year Ryan passed away, two great friends and unlikely political allies, Ted Kennedy and Orrin Hatch, came together and introduced the Comprehensive AIDS Resources Emergency Act -- the CARE Act -- which was later named after Ryan." "But it will also take an effort to end the stigma that has stopped people from getting tested; that has stopped people from facing their own illness; and that has sped the spread of this disease for far too long. A couple of years ago Michelle and I were in Africa and we tried to combat the stigma when we were in Kenya by taking a public HIV/AIDS test. And I'm proud to announce today we're about to take another step towards ending that stigma. Twenty-two years ago, in a decision rooted in fear rather than fact, the United States instituted a travel ban on entry into the country for people living with HIV/AIDS. Now, we talk about reducing the stigma of this disease -- yet we've treated a visitor living with it as a threat. We lead the world when it comes to helping stem the AIDS pandemic -- yet we are one of only a dozen countries that still bar people from HIV from entering our own country. If we want to be the global leader in combating HIV/AIDS, we need to act like it. And that's why, on Monday my administration will publish a final rule that eliminates the travel ban effective just after the New Year. Congress and President Bush began this process last year, and they ought to be commended for it. We are finishing the job. It's a step that will encourage people to get tested and get treatment, it's a step that will keep families together, and it's a step that will save lives. We are continuing the work of crafting a coordinated, measurable national HIV/AIDS strategy to stem and suppress this epidemic. I'm pleased to report that the Office of National AIDS Policy, led by Jeffrey Crowley, has already held eight in a series of 14 community discussions in cities across the country. They've brought together faith-based organizations and businesses, schools and research institutions, people living with HIV and concerned citizens, gathering ideas on how to target a national response that effectively reduces HIV infections, improves access to treatment, and eliminates health disparities. And we are encouraged by the energy, the enthusiasm, and great ideas that we've collected so far. We can't give Ryan White back to Jeanne, back to his mom. But what we can do -- what the legislation that I'm about to sign has done for nearly 20 years -- is honor the courage that he and his family showed. What we can do is to take more action and educate more people. What we can do is keep fighting each and every day until we eliminate this disease from the face of the Earth."

My Uncle Ronnie

2009-03-22T21:11:00.001-06:00

What I remember most about my Uncle Ronnie was his smile. He always looked at you like you were the best thing that happened to him all day when you walked into the room. He had the gift of making you feel very special. He will be and is missed. XO Uncle Ronnie

The Boat That Rocked

2009-02-18T22:02:00.005-07:00

Oprah, Science Fairs, Chinese New Year, The Rockies and Obama!

2009-02-01T14:59:00.005-07:00

So, I took the morning off from work so I could watch the inauguration with some of my children...we watched in a movie theatre with a bunch of crazy loud people and we all acted like we were actually there- singing along, standing when we are told to stand, cheering, jeering, and tearing. It was an amazing morning and one - I am sure we will not soon forget. I wish Mark and the little boys could have been with us...but we carried on the festivities over dinner that night- eating out at The Vine and toasting a new era. Maddie said she felt different and realized she has spent her whole life since she can really remember under the Bush Regime and we all said how cool it is that Yabsera and Michael will be able to say that but about a President that they can look up to, identify with and be really proud of.
Later in the month, we scored tickets to a rockies fun festival where the kids got to meet players, hang out in the Rockies dug out AND locker room and play guitar hero with the players! Yes they gave out Tattoos which the boys LOVED.
Then it was Science Fair time at the Barr house- Maddie did something where she gave a math test to 4th graders and then gave a similar math test with music on- she found the 4th graders did better with the music on...what's the fancy research word for "treatment effect?" or when a participant does better because they have learned how to do better while being on the study?

Then Cal and his friend James built a "T" maze and ran Phoebe's Rats, Remi and Camille, through the Maze- 25 times with no food to see if they preferred a side then 25 times alternating food to see if they would learn to alternate. We were all pretty fried after this experiment...but no one was as tired as little Remi (or is that Camille?)
Then I got an email from Oprah because they were interested in putting my messy Cube on their show to demonstrate declutter- I guess it was not messy enough because they never came...

Then Michael had his science fair project where they ran cars down several types of "roads" to see the effect of Friction on Movement and Speed...I think this was probably the most fun Michael has ever had at school!

Then for Chinese New Year- Sweet Phoebe performed a Chinese Dance with the other dancers at her school. Poppa came and we all cheered Phoebe on. It is amazing being in a Mandarin Immersion program. Phoebe is learning all of her Math and Science in Chinese...she can talk about the solar system in Mandarin Chinese...I can't even do that well in English!Now on to February...Maybe if I blog once a month I can capture the year 2009!

Feet

2009-01-17T04:38:00.003-07:00

Today Michael woke me up saying, "Mom! Mom! My shoes keep shrinking and shrinking!"

Our Year in Pictures!

2008-12-28T11:19:00.013-07:00

This video starts with the Holiday season in 2007 and moves in time through 2008. It takes you through primary season, Easter, to Upstate NY, Lake City CO, Scotland, Atlanta, DC, NYC, back to Upstate NY and ends at home in Colorado with Thanksgiving and Christmas 2008. We had visitors from Denmark and Germany. We had an uncle show up three times in Denver and once in Scotland! We added a new baby to our extended family. Michael and Phoebe are learning Chinese at their school, Maddie has been in 3 plays- one in Scotland at the Fringe festival. Cal has played Soccer and started his film making program in middle school. Yabsera continues to make us laugh and shower us with his affection. Emily had a big surprise birthday party and friends and relatives came from far away to be with her. We feel very blessed by all of our friends and family.

History is Happening

2008-11-05T22:46:00.002-07:00

Peace Train!

2008-09-05T00:44:00.001-06:00

This is the DNC as seen through the eyes of the Barr family. We marched with Iraqi War Veterans, we participated in the Interfaith Service, Visited a replica of a Guantanamo Bay Prison cell with Amnesty International, listened to music at the Green convention, watched Hillary at the MSNBC Live outdoor studios at Union Station where Mark was interviewed by Chris Matthews, Participated in Tent State University and finally we were eye witnesses to Barack Obama's Acceptance as the Nominee for President of the United States of America. It was an amazing ride on the peace train for the whole family!

Drought In Wolaitta

2008-08-21T22:37:00.001-06:00

Wolaitta is where M and Y are from. My friend just came back from there and it looked very bleak.

http://www.ifrc.org/Docs/News/pr08/5308.asp

International Red Cross, Switzerland

Ethiopia: drought victims increase as situation worsens
20 August 2008

The International Federation of Red Cross and Red Crescent Societies (IFRC) is launching a revised emergency appeal for 8.1 million Swiss francs (US$ 7.9 million / € 5 million) to support the Ethiopian Red Cross Society in assisting more than 76,000 people severely affected by drought in the southern Wolaiyta region.

Over the next six months, the Red Cross will provide emergency food and relief assistance, early recovery activities including improvement of access to safe water, and hygiene promotion.

The operation, which was launched in May to help some 40,000 people in Damot Pulasa, has now been extended to respond to the needs of an additional 36,000 villagers in neighbouring Damot Gale.

“Over the past two months the situation has worsened and living conditions have deteriorated. People have exhausted all their resources and are unable to feed themselves. We must step up our response,” says Lorenzo Violante, IFRC’s drought operations manager in Addis Ababa.

Food prices have risen by 330 per cent after a year of adverse climatic events. Floods in 2007 and water logging caused by the Meher rains destroyed most of the maize, millet, wheat, haricot and teff root crops. Failure of the Sapian, an extension of the Meher rains, has accentuated the crisis, and the 2008 failure of the Belg rains has resulted in catastrophic food insecurity and water shortages.

In Damota Pulasa, nearly half of the 54 hand-dug wells and 13 of the 39 shallow wells are out of operation. As a result, people must walk long distances to fetch water and the health of the population - particularly that of children aged under five years and of pregnant women and lactating mothers - is at risk.

“There are more than 16,000 acutely malnourished children in Damot Gale and Damot Pulasa, of whom 1,614 receive intensive care in therapeutic centres across the two regions. The situation can only deteriorate if we are not able to intervene efficiently,” warns Fasika Kebede, Secretary General of the Ethiopian Red Cross.

The Ethiopian Red Cross operation is designed to complement support from the government and other humanitarian organizations helping the families of children being treated in the therapeutic centres.

Food and seed distributions are underway in the two regions but more help is needed. The revised appeal will allow the procurement and distribution of 10,000 sheep as well as agricultural tools to prevent further damage to people’s livelihoods.

Longer term needs will be addressed through the IFRC’s Africa Food Security Initiative, a five-year plan covering 15 countries – including Ethiopia – which will develop food security programmes.
____________________

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/comment/columnists/rosemary_righter/article4568457.ece

The Times, UK

As We Celebrate our Freedom

2008-07-04T10:05:00.005-06:00

One of the many things that freedom for centuries affords is access to state of the art health care, education, good public transportation, jobs, housing, and did I say education? and the right to worship the God you choose to worship wherever and with whomever. As the saying goes "it is our God given right to choose.." But so many of the worlds population who suffer from living with HIV, either in their own bodies or in the bodies of their loved ones, did not choose that. And even though there are many many organizations and hospitals and wonderful people working hard in the trenches of arguably this Earth's greatest battle, they continue to meet major road blocks, like what is discussed in the article below. I am currently reading Red Letters: Living a Faith that Bleeds which was given to me by my freind who founded the organization From HIV to Home. (Which I cannot say enough good things about.) (And I will...in another post.) If you ever thought that doing something about the HIV/AIDS Pandemic was just not your thing, or if you wondered what you could do to make a difference, I suggest you read this book.

Here is the article I woke up to on this Independence Day...which by the way- is a glorious day for these hostages freed in Columbia after 5 years...after you read this article I leave you with the video of the freed hostages...lest we forget some of the amazing things we should be thankful for this 4th of July.

Quarter of Ethiopia AIDS patients have stopped drugs

Tue 24 Jun 2008
ADDIS ABABA - Over a quarter of Ethiopia's HIV/AIDS patients on drugs are not taking their medicine because of logistical problems but also due to religious beliefs, the head of a treatment body said on Tuesday.
Over 40,000 of Ethiopia's 156,360 HIV/AIDS patients on the life-prolonging medication have discontinued treatment "due to problems of transportation to hospitals," said Dr Ygeremu Abebe, the director of the Clinton Foundation in Ethiopia.
Some however stopped taking the anti-retroviral medicine on the prompting of religious leaders who encouraged them to take "holy water" instead, he said.
"Lack of awareness of serious health problem for patients who discontinue treatment could also be considered a reason," Ygeremu told a workshop on the disease.
Some 20 percent of 7,000 children with the illness have also stopped medication, he said.

Last year, the head of Ethiopia's Orthodox Church told about 5,000 faithful, most of who were infected, that they should combine the free drugs -- provided under U.S. President George W. Bush's Emergency Plan for AIDS Relief -- with the holy water.

With more than 1.7 million people living with HIV/AIDS, Ethiopia is one of the countries in the world most affected by the epidemic, according to the World Health Organization (WHO).

Over a million adults and children have died in Ethiopia in the last two decades from AIDS.

Infections in the country are predominantly in urban areas but have in the last several years spread to rural centres all over the country, where 85 percent of Ethiopia's 81 million people live, according to WHO.

And here is something to rejoice about..

Goodbye Mr. Kline

2008-06-30T18:55:00.004-06:00

My sweet friend Heidi Wilson lost her dad last night. He was diagnosed on June 1st with small cell lung cancer. At first they had some hope that he might live a couple of years. Later they were told 6 months to a year. He died last night just hours before he was to have his first dose of chemotherapy. He was an amazing father and a generous and spirited grandpa- and today many of us who have grown to love Heidi like our own sister weep with her. Her Dad left her before they all had a chance to say goodbye- they all thought they had more time. The only consolation is that he is free from his bodily pain and suffering, but the Wilson's are sad and confused as they try and sleep tonight. Say a prayer for my dear friend and call your dads and moms to say you love them if you are blessed to have them still with you.

Here is Heidi's blog where you can take a walk through their life for a few minutes if you like.

Heidi used CWA like me and her daughter arrived in Addis at the Care center just one day before I arrived and she was the talk of all the staff- the loved her and kept saying how unique and special and fun she was. I wished I could have met her when we traveled- that would have been really special as Heidi and I have become such good friends over the last two years.

Take a few minutes to watch

2008-06-21T11:09:00.011-06:00

A good freind of mine sent me this link- these videos - though heart wrenching- will hopefully open your eyes to say "What can I do?" We have so much.

Make sure to watch the
"Orphans of Nkandla" and the "Yellow Dress"

Make Poverty History!

You had me at "Well..."

2008-06-08T09:56:00.004-06:00

Here is the link to my mom's blogpost about Hillary's speech yesterday- which was an amazing and historic speech- if you missed it you should take some time to watch it- with your children...so they can say they remember the time when we had a woman and an African American man who were at one time this close to the top job in the country. My thoughts about the speech can be found on my mom's blog because I emailed her yesterday what I thought about it. Here is the speech. I would like to know your thoughts on this as well.

...and if you don't want to watch all of it- but want to read the last half- the best part- the part I will never forget watching alone on my family room couch...you can read it here:

From HRC's speech June 7, 2008 Washington DC

"Now, on a personal note – when I was asked what it means to be a woman running for President, I always gave the same answer: that I was proud to be running as a woman but I was running because I thought I’d be the best President. But I am a woman, and like millions of women, I know there are still barriers and biases out there, often unconscious.

I want to build an America that respects and embraces the potential of every last one of us.

I ran as a daughter who benefited from opportunities my mother never dreamed of. I ran as a mother who worries about my daughter’s future and a mother who wants to lead all children to brighter tomorrows. To build that future I see, we must make sure that women and men alike understand the struggles of their grandmothers and mothers, and that women enjoy equal opportunities, equal pay, and equal respect. Let us resolve and work toward achieving some very simple propositions: There are no acceptable limits and there are no acceptable prejudices in the twenty-first century.

You can be so proud that, from now on, it will be unremarkable for a woman to win primary state victories, unremarkable to have a woman in a close race to be our nominee, unremarkable to think that a woman can be the President of the United States. And that is truly remarkable.

To those who are disappointed that we couldn’t go all the way – especially the young people who put so much into this campaign – it would break my heart if, in falling short of my goal, I in any way discouraged any of you from pursuing yours. Always aim high, work hard, and care deeply about what you believe in. When you stumble, keep faith. When you’re knocked down, get right back up. And never listen to anyone who says you can’t or shouldn’t go on.

As we gather here today in this historic magnificent building, the 50th woman to leave this Earth is orbiting overhead. If we can blast 50 women into space, we will someday launch a woman into the White House.

Although we weren’t able to shatter that highest, hardest glass ceiling this time, thanks to you, it’s got about 18 million cracks in it. And the light is shining through like never before, filling us all with the hope and the sure knowledge that the path will be a little easier next time. That has always been the history of progress in America.

Think of the suffragists who gathered at Seneca Falls in 1848 and those who kept fighting until women could cast their votes. Think of the abolitionists who struggled and died to see the end of slavery. Think of the civil rights heroes and foot-soldiers who marched, protested and risked their lives to bring about the end to segregation and Jim Crow.

Because of them, I grew up taking for granted that women could vote. Because of them, my daughter grew up taking for granted that children of all colors could go to school together. Because of them, Barack Obama and I could wage a hard fought campaign for the Democratic nomination. Because of them, and because of you, children today will grow up taking for granted that an African American or a woman can yes, become President of the United States.

When that day arrives and a woman takes the oath of office as our President, we will all stand taller, proud of the values of our nation, proud that every little girl can dream and that her dreams can come true in America. And all of you will know that because of your passion and hard work you helped pave the way for that day.

So I want to say to my supporters, when you hear people saying – or think to yourself – “if only” or “what if,” I say, “please don’t go there.” Every moment wasted looking back keeps us from moving forward.

Life is too short, time is too precious, and the stakes are too high to dwell on what might have been. We have to work together for what still can be. And that is why I will work my heart out to make sure that Senator Obama is our next President and I hope and pray that all of you will join me in that effort.

To my supporters and colleagues in Congress, to the governors and mayors, elected officials who stood with me, in good times and in bad, thank you for your strength and leadership. To my friends in our labor unions who stood strong every step of the way – I thank you and pledge my support to you. To my friends, from every stage of my life – your love and ongoing commitments sustain me every single day. To my family – especially Bill and Chelsea and my mother, you mean the world to me and I thank you for all you have done. And to my extraordinary staff, volunteers and supporters, thank you for working those long, hard hours. Thank you for dropping everything – leaving work or school – traveling to places you’d never been, sometimes for months on end. And thanks to your families as well because your sacrifice was theirs too.

All of you were there for me every step of the way. Being human, we are imperfect. That’s why we need each other. To catch each other when we falter. To encourage each other when we lose heart. Some may lead; others may follow; but none of us can go it alone. The changes we’re working for are changes that we can only accomplish together. Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness are rights that belong to each of us as individuals. But our lives, our freedom, our happiness, are best enjoyed, best protected, and best advanced when we do work together.

That is what we will do now as we join forces with Senator Obama and his campaign. We will make history together as we write the next chapter in America’s story. We will stand united for the values we hold dear, for the vision of progress we share, and for the country we love. There is nothing more American than that.

And looking out at you today, I have never felt so blessed. The challenges that I have faced in this campaign are nothing compared to those that millions of Americans face every day in their own lives. So today, I’m going to count my blessings and keep on going. I’m going to keep doing what I was doing long before the cameras ever showed up and what I’ll be doing long after they’re gone: Working to give every American the same opportunities I had, and working to ensure that every child has the chance to grow up and achieve his or her God-given potential.

I will do it with a heart filled with gratitude, with a deep and abiding love for our country– and with nothing but optimism and confidence for the days ahead. This is now our time to do all that we can to make sure that in this election we add another Democratic president to that very small list of the last 40 years and that we take back our country and once again move with progress and commitment to the future.

Thank you all and God bless you and God bless America."

I am "Lost" without Hillary

2008-06-05T20:38:00.003-06:00

If you watch "Lost" and have followed the Democratic Primary season (as we have) - you will LOVE this from the daily show. I saw it tonight and it really made me laugh...

I just hope my Mom, both a "Lost" fan and "Hillary Super-fan"- finds it as funny as I did!

Gosh- do any of you remember back during our adoption how I would always sneak in "Lost" references on my blog? I did it for my good friends Lisa and Amy whom I worked with - and Lisa was the scribe who put all my emails from Addis onto my blog...I remember that I was secretly happy that CWA had made me wait an extra week (they had to do a lot of quick cover up before our arrival) to travel so I could watch the season 2 Season Finale...which I watched so late the night before I left- but Mark had NOT watched it and I was not allowed to talk about it for three plane flights and a day in London...not an easy task. Until we met the boys- then they were all I could think about- the boys and getting them ready to come to Colorado to meet their siblings!

AHOPE Update and our "Forever Day"

2008-05-31T20:06:00.004-06:00

Today I was at a work retreat with our families from the HIV clinic at the hospital- it was a really nice day- I was sad to be spending it away from my two youngest because two years ago today was the day they came into our lives (physically) forever. We were in Addis at the Addis Kiddan Guest house and that day- they gave us the boys and they never went back to the CWA care center. Yes- our lives were forever changed. So today is our "Forever Day." But I was with my families from work. This is not always the easiest event for me- I don't even bother bringing my own children anymore- but today was really different and I just enjoyed sitting around talking with the families and hanging out- it was - in the afternoon at least- actually somewhat restful.

So- today I bring you an email update from the AHOPE supplies coordinator- this is the orphanage that I visited two years ago tomorrow and that visit- also changed many things for me- and for many families and for many children- so that is a special day in and of itself- so read on about the recent donations and needs. I see that they credit many recent donations to one of the big agencies which is so great- I hope the CWA families are still staying connected to AHOPE in the way the early CWA families who traveled were- because it truly is an amazing place. Have you ever been to a place and you feel like "This is a God place...no really- that is what this place is." That is the way I felt when I first met K. in her schoolroom and saw her smile.

From Cat Brainerd:

Hi Everyone!

This is Cat Brainerd, the Supply and Donation Coordinator for AHOPE. I wanted to write and thank everyone so much for your incredible support to AHOPE these past few months! In fact, lately we've had more supplies than travelers to carry them! So if you are traveling to Ethiopia any time in the next few months and have any space in your luggage to carry donations, please let me know! Every little bit helps!!! Any extra thanks to Beth and you CHSFS folks - you are really outdoing yourselves between donations and sponsorships. Keep it coming!

Also (here is my request!) AHOPE plans to start a music education program with the children. We are all very excited about this development and think it will be wonderful for the kids! But AHOPE needs instruments. If you have any instruments looking for a good home, consider donating to AHOPE!

Finally, I'll wrap this up by attaching a few photos of recent donations, including a much anticipated medical book, brand new shoes for all the children at AHOPE (yep, that's over 80 pairs of new Crocs!) as well as 100 toothbrushes!. I hope to have some other photos to share soon.

Again, thank you all for what you are doing for the children of AHOPE. We couldn't do this without your support. Thank you on behalf of all the wonderful children at AHOPE!!!

Best Regards,
Cat Brainerd
AHOPE Supplies Coordinator

ahopesupplies@gmail.com
AHOPE website: http://www.ahopeforchildren.org/
Listserv: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AHOPEforchildren/
family blog: ouradoptionlog.blogspot.com

and I leave you some pictures of my forever boys:

Tell Two

2008-05-30T21:27:00.003-06:00

This is a great post by a woman whom I have a great deal of respect. She has an amazing story and a blog with a lot of information about what is obviously very close to my heart, adopting children with HIV and navigating life as a family affected by HIV whether through adoption or not.

So do this...go here...and read this blogpost....Tell Two

And then please take a minute to go to this equally cool, short and sweet article about a little girl I met this week...and I can vouch for the validity of the "Eloise at the Hilton" comparison! (By the way- yet another amazing family...truly - I am humbled on a daily basis by the people who come in and out of my day!)

Children's Heaven

2008-05-29T00:07:00.006-06:00

A remarkable woman came to Denver recently, Hanna Fanta. She came to share with us what she does in Ethiopia to help young teen girls who are orphaned, impoverished, and sometimes ill. She is one of those poeple you meet in life and realize that we are all capable of so much more. She brought tears to our eyes when talking about her girls. She does everything she can to keep the girls at home with family. She does this by providing education in the form of tuition or uniforms, meals, health education, job training, life skills and most importantly love. She wants to make sure she can give each girl what they deserve and by doing that she has kept her numbers down- but this spring added about 40 new girls. At our meeting, which was the last of several she had across the country, all of the girls had sponsors, but she said when she got home that she would take double sponsors on the girls to help off set rising food and gas prices. They have also recently lost the place they were living and are moving into a shipping crate. I will post her recent email here. But first, her website is finally up and here you can make donations or sponsor a child. This child will write to you and you can send her small gifts and letters with families who are traveling. I know several poeple who have visited Hanna's family and find that what she is doing is not only amazing- but is very real. These girls are truly being helped through our direct support. Here is the website for Children's Heaven.

Here are some pictures from Hanna's visit. My good friend, Luana Harris Scott, opened her home for this event. My husband cooked Ethiopian food and we had both families connected to Ethiopian adoption as well as a bunch of caring families interested in hearing Hanna's story at the event.

She was so loving towards Maren and Yabsera. Maren took to her so fast it made me a bit jealous. He would just cuddle up to her...and he has not always been the biggest cuddler in the family...though he does like it more and more.
At the end of the evening, when Hanna was really tired and just waiting to leave, Maren brought her out into the patio and told her to sit in the rocking chair where he rocked her gently and then he would crawl into her lap and then get out and rock her again. It was one of the sweetest things I have ever seen and you got the sense that he really knew deep down inside that this was an Ethiopian woman who should be treated with great respect alternating with the warmth and love he probably has deep memories from his own Ethiopian mama.

Another Article on the Famine in Ethiopia

2008-05-21T09:11:00.003-06:00

Once Again, Children are Starving in Ethiopia is the title of the article, which makes it sound like perhaps there was a brief window when the food was plentiful in one of the poorest countries on the globe. This photo is of a 3 year old suffering from Malnutrition- she weighs 10 pounds. When CWA first opened they sent home babies who looked much like this. It seems that they now have figured out that they can really feed these kids while in their care before their new moms and dads come to get them- because now we see referral pictures of chubby babies...but this child is the one that is more typical of many of the children you will see outside the protective walls of the typical US/UK/European/Australian run orphanages when you go. You will see many many children whose growth has been severely stunted for lack of food.

Children Dying in Drought-Stricken Ethiopia

2008-05-20T00:27:00.003-06:00

It is when I read things like this- that I feel that strong tug tug tugging on that rope that was tied around my heart so many years ago. On one end there sits Emily...here in Colorado, going about her life of daily chaos, fatigue, eat, sleep, work, eat, kids homework and to bed, "Lost", type- tap tap tap- sleep again...and then she sees a picture, hears a song, reads an article, reads someone's blog and tug tug tug that rope is being gently pulled to some far away place where just the "eat and the sleep of life" are a very real challenge, where your whole life depends on a clean glass of water.

This reminds me of this incredible video...

A Walk to Beautiful

2008-05-13T23:20:00.006-06:00

If you have not seen this, A Walk to Beautiful, I would highly recommended it. What is amazing about the stories of these women is the perseverance and fortitude they exhibit...from a very early age. And the joy that comes from having the surgery needed to repair the damage done during long difficult labors which almost all ended in still birth. It is a great documentary and is so well done. It could easily leave you in despair but instead it inspires you. Please make a point of finding out when it will be playing in your neck of the woods. If you are adopting from Ethiopia- you should definitely see this movie- partly because you will have a window into the culture where your children came from. I am constantly amazed at the world we brought our boys into as I learn more and more about the life they once knew.

Birthday's Not Celebrated, Birthday's Celebrated

2008-05-12T22:58:00.009-06:00

Traditionally birthdays are not celebrated in many parts of Ethiopia. They are not even remembered. When I was there I met Hanna at the Addis Kiddan Guest House and I was asking her about this and she said that in fact, what I had heard was true, they do not celebrate them. When I asked her how old she was she said she did not know- she just always says 28. And she was serious, not like here where we would like to forget. It would be easy to forget how old you were if you never really had to keep track of that.

We still have to think when people ask us how old Michael is- I mean I finally think I have it down now that he turned 6. I feel like I can say "Six." more and more without explaining that he if probably really 7. And its really bad when poeple ask what are the birthdays of our two youngest because we always have to think and remember what it says on the official paperwork and what we have decided on our own and what we have heard from the birth family. What is amazing- at least with the infants- if CWA (Christian World Adoption) would just ask the person who brought the child a simple list of intake questions- they would get a fairly exact birthday- these women remember when they birthed their babies, "It was the second Sunday after the Ethiopian New Year. I remember it was a Sunday because we had gone to Market the day before." They KNOW. Or "How old is the child?" the grandfather replies, "He was five when we brought him to CWA." If they KNOW this then why does the child suddenly become this child without a story- with no history, with an age being guessed after a 5 minute visit with a doctor? Even the nannies at CWA felt that Michael was older than 3...why not at least listen to them? He was very very small- wearing 18 month old clothes- clothes that no longer fit our 2 1/2 year old baby boy- so I can see why a child who was probably deathly silent at the doctors would be called 3...but once around him for 24 hours the staff at the Addis Kiddan Guest House KNEW he was older just by having conversations with him and watching him play. So here are some pictures from two years ago when we went and met Michael and Yabsera- I tried to pick ones that showed you how really small this kid was....

Here is Michael at the Addis Kiddan Guest House with a Soccer ball we bought from the guy down the street for a buck. We gave it to Ahope when we left. See how he compares with the size of a smallish soccer ball?
Here he is eating at the Ghion- it was amazing to watch this kid eat! He would put so much food away and then at the end he would tear the napkin into strips so he could share the one napkin with you- he would then mash up the food for you and try to get you to eat it- it was clearly what he saw the older people in his life do. Note that he is standing at one of those low ET tables.
Here he is at the lake...um...which lake guys? I can't remember- the one with the "resorts" at it...
Here he is playing with the sprinkler in the yard at the guest house...the shorts were 2T sized and he was swimming in them.
Here is Michael Maren's birth grandfather. A farmer from a remote village in South West Ethiopia- arguable one of the poorest areas of one of the worlds poorest countries. Why was Michael so darned small for his age? He had very little food. He could hardly walk when he came to CWA. They commented on this when they talked about him- that they let him go because he was "So smart" they knew he would be ok- and they mentioned that he was often "angry" because he stomach hurt...why did his stomach hurt? "He was hungry all the time." This is his house. He is proud of it- because its so big. They are holding his photo album- and they are proud of him for doing something so darn difficult.
These are the people who cared for Michael when he was sick, and hungry, and very very small- all waving to him and in the video clip they are singing to him. Its beautiful. But notice the child with the orange hair- indicating severe malnutrition. It breaks my heart to feel so far away from his roots and not be able to do much to help them directly. I just love the joy on their faces- can you see it? There is real joy here even in this difficult state.

So- fast forward to two years later- Michael is turning 6- in America time- in the Ethiopian world he is 7...on paper he is 5! (Are you starting to understand the confusion? We Americans really like dates and birthdays a whole lot...) So here is the Ethiopian born American little boy on his 6th birthday. "Michael what would you like to do its your birthday?" "I know! I have a GREAT idea! Lets put blankets on the porch and all eat outside!" "Ok, good idea- but what would you like to eat? Its your birthday meal?" "Macaroni and Cheese!" It was by far the easiest birthday ever. He would have been happy to get one small toy car quite honestly.
He set it all up himself and told us all where to sit. And it occurred to me that - back in the village somewhere in South West Ethiopia, this was how his birth family would be sharing a meal. Sitting on the ground together in song.

And notice how he sits in this photo and then look back at the one with the soccer ball from two years ago- same kid- sitting the exact same way...but that child was sacred and angry (he has told us that many times- how angry he was because he was so scared the whole time he was with CWA and when we came to bring him home) and this child- this 6 year old- has joy.

Many candles...one wish...to go back to Ethiopia and see everyone!

....and Yabsera...he just wants his cake....now....please??????

Family

2008-05-03T10:13:00.010-06:00

My dear Aunt Renee (pronounced ree-nee) died this past month. She was my mother's sister and the mother of 3 of my favorite cousins. We gave Caelan his middle name "Joseph" after my Uncle Joe, Renee's sweet husband who had died before Cal was born. So now these cousins are "orphans". We all went home to upstate NY for the funeral and to see our cousins. Here are Aunt Renee, Uncle Joe and their first born son Kurt. My mother blogged about this here.

Fortunately we were all together last summer for my mother's birthday. It was a beautiful summer afternoon - and I think now we only wish it was longer. While at home for that very brief period I was able to spend a little bit of time with my own nieces and nephews...all who have grown so much since the last time I saw them- it was a bit disorienting!

Here is Phil at his computer- working on a paper- he graduated this year...

And Nick, who is a freshman in High School and was a 4 month olf baby at Madeline's birth!

I do not have picture of my Carolyn, the oldest grandchild, from this visit- so I am inserting one of her from 2 years ago- when we brought M and Y home. Here she is with baby Yabsera.Now back to March 2008...
We have Alex who is one month younger than my Phoebe- in 3rd grade- but a whole head taller than Phoebe...and Andre...another tall young boy...he is 13.
About a week later I went into NYC to see the rest. It just so happened that my brother Gordy was in town the same weekend - so there we were all 4 "kids" together within 2 weeks. We were celebrating many things and it was good to be together again. Below is our little Lu... with her Elmo in the park.

Here is my sister Jill with Cooper...about to be a big brother again later this year...the oldest grandchild and the youngest will be 20 years apart.
My brother Gordy with my mom on the day we left.
Three of four "kids"...one last picture....

And I came home to my family...my 5 kids and incredible husband....

Where I began

2008-04-08T20:54:00.003-06:00

Early April will always conjure up a fair amount of grief in me. It was early April in 1991 when, within one week, I lost two people in my life. The first was my husband's father. An amazing man, whom I never got to really know in the way I would have liked, because I was so young myself when he was diagnosed with ALS and died. But I have these 5 kids who will never have a relationship with their grandfather, never know him, never be able to share their stores with him...and this makes me sad. And my Tina...I only knew her for less than a year- but her life and her death and her family forever changed me. I met her when I decided to "volunteer" for a year after college and ended up at Starcross Community.

This year (1991) was arguably one of the toughest and most challenging times in my life, and also one of the most beautiful and precious. I can compare it to the early times with all of my children- a time where there is very real fatigue, intense emotions and the giving over to someone else's will. This giving over that happens as a parent is really, in my opinion, a process that seems to take a life time for some and a moment for others. But at the end of the day, it is what its all about.

11 “But the greatest among you shall be your servant. 12 “Whoever exalts himself shall be humbled; and whoever humbles himself shall be exalted.

Because of Tina, and Julie and Marti and Toby and David and Nicky and Michelle and Holly - I am who I am today. Because of all of them, there are children without parents, with a chronic disease, with HIV, which still carries such stigma, coming home to mamas and daddys who will adore them. How one small child can change the face of generations is beyond me. And I cannot take credit for what is well beyond me.

This is a thank you to the families who are following their hearts all over the world to bring home children with HIV. You are affecting generations upon generations with your love.

our eyes once watered....

2008-04-04T00:17:00.003-06:00

"We cross our bridges when we come to them and burn them behind us, with nothing to show for our progress except a memory of the smell of smoke, and a presumption that once our eyes watered."
- Tom Stoppard

My friend and I were reading old emails written exactly two years ago. My life two years ago was in many ways not so different from my life now. I wrote to her that I felt like March had been one of the longest months in my life- how I had received my referral of two boys on March 1st and during that month had to have several painful discussions with family members, find the last payment due for the adoption, wait on 171h status, along with a slew of other stresses both job related and life related...what is not different? The amount of stress and fatigue I feel right now. It feels like more because its right now...but when I read those 2 year old emails- I certainly sound like I am not having an easy time of it.

Two years ago I found that quote and it felt so pertinent then and even more so now. And at that time I was arguing that you can't possibly burn every bridge in your life to a pulp- you must maintain those bridges that are not only worth maintaining, but your very life, your emotional well being, depends on it.

I love the quote. I especially love how when it talks about this thing in the past. How it refers to the pain as something that must have been so bad we presume that we were wrecked over it. On one hand it is sort of like we are saying, "Wow that was a really tough time, It must have been so hard...but I can't quite remember how difficult it really was." And on the other hand it says, "That time in your life must have been so very horrible that I can only presume that you must have been a real wreck." There is an assumption of very real grief.

...and as my friend pointed out today, "... It is so amazing to see how much we've come through, and how well we've weathered so much of what was total overload at the time we wrote all this! I agree, our eyes must have watered."

I replied, "I would presume so..."

CWA Christians With Attitude

2008-04-04T00:12:00.004-06:00

Today CWA (Christian World Adoption) sent an invite out to a picnic they are having. One of my CWA friends sent it to our group and said we should all go- and tell them that all our kids are 3 and under- since kids 3 and under were free. We decided that since CWA got away with lying to many of us as well as both the US and Ethiopian Government's about the ages of so many of our children for their own purposes- we should be able to "adjust" their ages for our purposes as well. We thought we might go wearing our CWA shirts...we have them with a wide variety of slogans...what does your shirt say?

Mine says, "CWA: Got Truth?"

Cal got in!

2008-03-17T13:35:00.002-06:00

I have been bugged about my lack of blogging but never bugged about blogging like this bugging to find out if Cal was accepted to the Arts school...he was! He is so happy...here is a photo of him and about how tall he feels...So thanks for all of the kind words about Cal's first film...I noticed he has made a few more...which could use some work! :)

These were taken on presidents day- when we met Mark in the park for lunch.

See how much my Maren has grown?

The Snowy Day by Ezra Jack Keats Adapted by Cal Barr

2008-01-06T17:28:00.000-07:00

The Snowy Day - Cal's "2 minute movie" for his audition to Middle school

If you would like to see the blog by the photographer who took the photo of the "Melting Sun" please check it out. Cal needed a good photo for the dream sequence where Peter is dreaming that the sun has melted all the snow away and found this perfect photograph. here is how it looks in the book:

Malawi

2007-11-07T13:21:00.000-07:00

ok- so its my birthday today- It started at 2:00 am with a wake up call and then about 2 minutes later I answered the phone and it was a lovely voice singing happy birthday to me- it was my good friend Joan. she is the study coordinator, research nurse in Cape Town- I first met her in 2002. I have now worked with her for 5 years and we have taught together in cape town south Africa twice, Washington DC, Durban South Africa, and earlier this week in Uganda- we are currently en route to Zambia where we will teach together again. We have developed a relationship over time as we do roughly the same job on different continents- only she does so much more than I ever could as far as studies go. She has 400 patients on the TB study we first started working on back in 2002, whereas I get a bit stressed if I have 8 patients on a meningitis vaccine trial! She also has 4 kids and works full time. She is an amazing woman and freind. So...back to my birthday- in order to get to Zambia from Kampala, Uganda- you have to wake at 2:00 AM, drive 45 minutes to Entebbe, Uganda, wait in a very slow line to check into the plane. they had no computer so the attendant had a scratch piece of paper where she had hand written all the seats- you ask for a seat (an aisle) and she looks at her scratch paper and crosses off your seat (taken). you then fly to Nairobi kenya- you must wait in several lines prior to getting on the plane ( at this point since 2 am I have waited in 6 lines) then you are on the flight to Lusaka...however- there is one stop before you get to Lusaka...Lilongwe, Malawi. So any of you who know me well know I have wanted to go to Malawi for a long time. Mark’s father was born there and he has family still there-here is one project they created: http://www.kindleorphanoutreach.org/index.html

So here we are on the runway in Lilongwe Malawi - its my birthday and I cant get out of the plane (will post picture from window!) So, the irony in this trip is that there are two places in Africa I would very much like to visit- Malawi and Ethiopia- I will spend time in each country but only from the plane or the airport. So, Joan just walked across the acr and gave me some Amarula for my birthday. She remembers that I always bought this while in South Africa so she got me some on the plane (Duty free!)

So..I wanted to blog about this- me being in Malawi- while I was actually in Malawi from the plane...because at least i can say I have been to Malawi- on my 39th birthday. On to Lusaka. To sleep maybe?

Uganda

2007-11-06T13:46:00.000-07:00

I am in Uganda- we are training a site to implement a study that will look at two HIv treatment regimens in children from 6 months to 3 years old. Its been an amazing 2 days as you can imagine. I have not seen much of Uganda having been in Kampala only and since I have been teaching the whole time- but what I have seen is beautiful. The more I see of this continent the more I WANT to see. I leave in a few hours for zambia and will fly out through the countries of my baby boys birth, Ethiopia. I was not able to stay on there unfortunately but will be back.

I was able to see some of the pediatric clinics here in kampala as well as the pediatric ward - or hospital. the clinic space that is funded by the research studies is really pretty nice compared to some paces I have seen in other places- but the ward was overcrowded with antiquated tools and low staffed- everyone was so friendly and incredibly bright! But the nurses make so little they cant afford to work there and so the care is not what it should be. I saw children suffering and parents by their sides in most cases...who were also suffering because it is so hard to have a child who is sick. Anyone who has taken their child to the emergency room or has had their child hospitalized knows this. its heart wrenching when there is only so much you can do. the children were so beautiful- I can't even begin to describe them.

what I found so interesting was that while walking through the medical complex there was a place for Johns Hopkins and a new clinic being built by Baylor and an oncology clinic funded by another entity and so many many different places funded by NGOs, research institutions, educational institutions and governements...its seemed so incongruous. And the word of the day was "Sustainability" the example was a lab machine donated for Tcells and they said the funds to run it would only last 3 years and then what? these patients do not have money to sustain the machine or ability to obtain the materials to run the assays long term...an incredible lab funded by Pfizer- for 3 years - and then what...I was saying how amazing it would be to have a new pediatric ward and they were saying- yes but how will we keep it staffed without any nurses since they are so underpaid they leave the country to fill spaces in south Africa to fill the spaces by those nurses who have gone to Saudi Arabia...and then it came up how our dear president is using Ugandan Soldiers to fight our war in Iraq. It was all a bit incredulous and then you thought about the faces of the children and the mothers. Photos I cannot post here due to privacy. i will post what I can when i return to the O.S. Next stop Zambia...same 2 day training.

Proof we are Sox fans...

2007-10-26T17:04:00.001-06:00

Here is Cal for Halloween in 2004...classic Damon....Cal was 7 when he first saw the Sox win the series...now we have many more Sox fans...and one Matt Holiday Fan (see Dorothy...)

yes and as Jennifer said- when Maddie was two she had the Red Sox Line up memorized...:)

Red Sox Play the World Series in Our Back Yard!

2007-10-21T23:03:00.000-06:00

Red Sox 11 Indians 2 game 7 at Fenway....

My 100th Post

2007-10-05T21:30:00.000-06:00

Well you can see that when I got to my post back on June 28th...I kind of just stopped. Partly because I was afraid of coming up with 100 things about me...and partly because I had heard yet a few more things that the agency we used to bring our boys home had done. And these were the worst. Pretty much the king of the bad things you can hear about an agency. And what I wanted to do was come on here and just go off...and we all know I am capable of speaking my mind...but instead I focused on the summer, trying to sell the house, helping to plan my mom's 70th birthday party, a long anticipated camping trip to Yellowstone where we would hang out with some of my closest friends from CWA, and continue to work very hard at the clinic here in Denver. So, I owe you all some pictures from the summer...but I also owe you the list....and later we can talk about the ethical practices of ethiopian adoptions...

100 things about me:
1. I have 5 kids
2. I gave birth at home to two of my 5 kids
3. I was taken to the hospital just minutes before my Cal was born
4. My youngest two boys were born in Ethiopia and came home in June 2006
5. I have witnessed open heart surgery on a 2 year old. I saw her heart beating, then stopped while on bypass and then restarted
6. A year later my 2 1/2 year old had open heart surgery - I could picture the whole thing in my head while I waited in the waiting room, having just seen it done year earlier.
7. I am a Midwife and I have caught 40 babies and helped over a hundred moms labor and birth their children
8. I used to love being on stage
9. Now I would hate it
10. I met my husband in High School – we were in the play Cyrano De Bergerac.
11. We became close friends- but I told him (or warned him) that I would marry him one day
12. I really like beanie babies. And it’s my mom’s fault.
13. I love cappuccino chip ice cream
14. I have a beagle
15. We used to have a guinea pig and he died when we came home from Ethiopia. He was on the porch too long. And he was also very old.
16. I love Sunrye Ale. It only comes out in the summer.
17. I started my undergraduate education at The College of the Holy Cross. I was premed. I wanted to be an Obstetrician.
18. I took Russian in college
19. But learned French in middle and high school
20. I spent a summer in France. It was the summer Geraldine Ferraro was running for Vice president. I remember having political discussions in French with my host father.
21. I finished my undergraduate degree at Cornell University.
22. I got a degree in Communications
23. I spent a year and a half in California after graduation
24. I lived in San Francisco
25. We got our dog, Egg, there. (I loved him)
26. I love Pepsi
27. I decided to be a Nurse Practitioner after I left California.
28. I wanted to work with Kids with HIV and this seemed to be the best way to do it.
29. But I still wanted to deliver babies.
30. Mark and I were married when I was 23 and he was 25.
31. We had known each other for 8 years.
32. But had dated for only about 3.
33. We had Maddie in an old farmhouse in the fingerlakes in upstate New York.
34. I was 24.
35. We then moved to Connecticut where I went to the Yale School of Nursing and became a Pediatric Nurse Practitioner who specializes in kids and families with HIV.
36. I love my mother-in-law’s chocolate chip cookies- there is nothing like them in the world.
37. I hate driving. Really hate it.
38. I love watching TV.
39. I don’t have a new favorite fall TV show yet…its very disappointing.
40. I can’t wait for LOST to start again.
41. I went online after the episode where Walt is appearing dripping wet to find out what he was saying. He was talking Backwards. Its really creepy. When I listened to it it was very late and I got really scared. You can listen here: Walt talking Backwards
42. I have been watching survivor since season 1.
43. I met my favorite Survivor- Jeff from Survivor Australia- we took a picture together and I made fun of him because of the million dollar bite of peanut butter.
44. I could write 100 things about Emily and TV- easily. (maybe another post?)
45. I have 2 brothers and one sister.
46. One brother lives in NY and the other in LA.
47. I have 4 nephews and 3 nieces. They are all amazing.
48. My dad lives near us.
49. My mom lives far away.
50. I want a puppy. (Mark says I am crazy)
51. All three of my birth children have a midline defect.
52. Maddie had a heart defect
53. Cal has two uvulas
54. Phoebe had ear tags
55. My Ethiopian born baby had an extra finger
56. My Ethiopian born boy has many scars. I have never counted them- because I think it would be depressing to know the number.
57. I asked CWA if the kids had any scars or unusual features. They said no. 11 fingers is really fairly common in Southern Ethiopia. So its not unusual for them. I guess neither are the scars.
58. I have never had surgery.
59. I have never spent the night in a hospital.
60. Cal was born at 12:35 and I went home first thing in the morning – so I don’t count that.
61. I am a Red Sox fan.
62. I love Halloween.
63. I grew up in upstate NY
64. One of my favorite regions is New England- camping on Cape Cod, going to Tanglewood, enjoying Northhampton, watching the Red Sox at Fenway.
65. I marched in China in the spring of 1989 – on Tianemen Square. A week after I came home was the massacre. It was amazing.
66. I have been to film festivals in Hong Kong, New York, Telluride, Sundance, High Falls, Ithaca, San Francisco and Denver.
67. Did I already say how much I Love DOTS?
68. and gummy bears?
69. and Doritoes?
70. I broke my foot in college
71. I draw blood several times a week on kids and adults with HIV. I am not bad at it. Pretty good actually!
72. I have had to give people very bad news
73. and very good news
74. and I have been able to help people through both.
75. I am a Christian and have been since I was a little girl
76. We home schooled until we moved to Colorado
77. Now I have 5 kids at 4 different schools
78. My favorite Broadway show was “True West”
79. I saw “On Golden Pond” 15 times in the theatre. Sometimes I saw it twice in a row.
80. I love the movie “Once Around”
81. I have many favorite movies- you can find some of them on my “profile”. Have you ever seen “A Room With a View”?
82. I stitched up a guys hand my first night in Romania where I was for a mission trip.
83. Before that I had only stitched up women after childbirth. (and not many of those)
84. I fell in love with a little girl in an orphanage in Romania. I still pray for her and think about her.
85. In the year that I was 21 and 22 I experienced more about life and death than in most other years of my life combined.
86. I also learned how to milk cows that year.
87. If I had not miscarried my babies in the fall of 2005 I might not have my Maren and Yasbera right now.
88. Their court date fell on the due date of the babies I lost. It was God’s way of saying, “This is right.”
89. I still miss those babies.
90. I love watching Madeline act.
91. I love watching Cal play ball
92. I love watching Phoebe play by herself in the yard
93. I love watching Michael in the rear view mirror when he is singing in a language he no longer understands
94. I love watching Yabsera play at school in the few moments before he knows I am there and drops everything to yell, “MAMA!” and come running to hug me.
95. I love watching my husband do just about everything.
96. I can’t take my eyes off of him sometimes
97. I love my Mom, Dad, Sister, brothers, mother-in-law, Sister and Brother in laws, nieces and nephews more than anything in the world. Its best watching them laugh.
98. My sister is one of God’s greatest gifts to me
99. Cal not having any homework this year because his teacher doesn’t believe in it is another one of God’s greatest gifts to me
100. I am so blessed to be able to do what I do- its the greatest gift after my family.

What a year can make

2007-10-03T22:53:00.001-06:00

This photo of Maren was taken in September of 2006 when he had been home in Colorado about 3 months.
This photo was taken of Maren about a year later. He has lost his two front teeth so I was taking pictures and then tonight I looked at the picture (taken about a month ago) and remembered this older "matching" picture (above).
I am amazed when I see pictures of him while he was still in Ethiopia or when he first came home. One thing I notice now but did not back then is how his body was somewhat out of proportion. His tiny legs and arms in comparison to his head and chest. It makes sense when you realize the deprivation he suffered. He remembers only eating potatoes and popcorn with his Uncle (Or grandpa or dad- who knows who the man was who cared for him before coming to CWA's care center in Sodo). But look at how he has grown. According to CWA records he is now just 4. But we are calling him 5 1/2 and we think he is closer to 7. But he fits very well in kindergarten, both with size and development. And Lord knows when he is nearly 40 he will be happy to be a younger age than he might really be! he really likes being 5! Note the length of his legs one year ago are about the length of just his calves now. The pants he was wearing a year ago - his 2 year old brother is now wearing!

I know what I know...

2007-09-13T17:15:00.001-06:00

One Season Wonders

2007-06-29T22:50:00.000-06:00

As I watched the final episode of my favorite new show of this TV season, "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip" the other night, I was feeling- once again robbed of a great television show. I feel like someone out there who has a lot of control took away a show with great actors and amazing writers and yet they let another season of something lame with Donald Trump as the lead get renewed. Studio 60 was well done, interesting, funny and smart. You couldn't wait for the next show. My only consolation is that they let the final episodes air rather then shelving them. So as the summer reruns began, we had something to look forward to on Thursday nights. And it ended in a multipart season ending story. Well done. But it got me thinking of other great shows- shows that deserved a second chance, a second season, a better time slot. Here is a list of my all time favorite one season wonders. I have added a couple of two season wonders in for good measure- as well as a couple of my husbands favorites. Here they are in no particular order....

Freaks & Geeks 1999 Who couldn't love this show which takes place during the 1980's. This is the same time I was in middle and high school and I remember the "freaks" and the "geeks". There were a lot of cultural references to the 80's but the themes were valid today...only now we have "Emos" and "Preps" or something like that! Plus it had the great John Francis Daley as Sam.

Homefront 1991-1993 3 seasons Ok- this had three seasons. But I loved it- I think I should probably do a new post with three season shows I loved...and then 4 season shows I loved...I think I see a trend. Anyway, this show was about a small American town right after WWII ends and all of the relationships that are changed due to the war and how the war affects the whole town. Notably, the whole reason I adored the show was because I had a small crush on one of the lead actors, a young Kyle Chandler, who you would later see in that "Cat see into the future after reading the newspaper" show "Early Edition", and more recently, the new hit show "Friday Night Lights." And if you watch Grey's Anatomy- you might remember him as the Bomb Squad guy who was killed after Meredith did whatever dramatic thing she did when she did not die...man she has almost died a lot. In fact, he came back this season in her "near death experience scene."

My So-Called Life 1994 Here you got to see a young Claire Danes and she breaks into her career. This was a well done show- but I do remember that it was pretty depressing. I was a new mom then and thinking, "Why is she so bummed out all the time? She has her whole life ahead of her."

Jack and Bobby 2004 I LOVED this show. I was so sad when it was canceled. The premise was that these were two brothers, Jack (older) and Bobby (younger) are growing up and one of them will become president. The show flips back and forth from the present day "future" where its clearly a documentary on the life of a president who has been assassinated. You spend the whole show trying to figure out which kid becomes president. Once they knew they were being canceled, they made a long season finale that wrapped everything up nice and neat in hopes of one day selling a DVD boxset of the one and only season. I don't think they made the DVD.

Andy Richter Controls the Universe (2002) I actually never saw this show- but it was on everyone's top ten lists and since I LOVE Andy Richter- I am certain I would have loved it.

Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip 2006 This is the show by the creators of West Wing which inspired this blog post. This post which has nothing to do with Adoption, Ethiopia, or HIV. I am going to have to create a whole new tagline for "Entertainment". Which by the way is a great thing to have at the end of a long day involving the above three things. I loved this series. I love the actors in it- I love seeing Mathew Perry doing his "Non- Chandler" acting- which he does VERY well. And I also enjoy watching him as Chandler for the record.

The Comeback 2005 OK. I watched this show last summer when I had first brought the boys home from Ethiopia. It was a hard summer, but one of the things I looked forward to was watching this show. It is so darn funny. Its one of those shows where you are watching the main character and just cringing. In one scene I am laughing so hard- side splitting, really- and then you see Lisa Kudrow's Character doing something and you are sitting there crying- you are literally laughing and crying at the same time. Its Brilliant! Someone on the IMDB said that its much smarter than Sex and the City- another HBO show- and its really true. It works like "The Office" because its a dramatized reality show. Beautiful.

Gidget 1965 This show was on MTV when MTV was a baby. I was about 13 or 14 then and LOVED the show. I named my cat Gidget- because back then when you loved a show you named your pets after it...now we just name our children after Television...Phoebe.

The Mole 2001 I liked this reality show a lot- it was really funny and I enjoyed always trying to figure out who the Mole was. I never knew- they were very good at hiding the fact that they were the mole. When it was down to the last 3 people, it was so intense- the idea that there are 3 of you- and one of you is lying to your face. It is a lot like the real world, really- there are always moles out there...right guys? It's what keeps you on your toes. Plus I like Anderson Cooper, and he now does all that newsy stuff on CNN!

Sports Night 1998-2000 2 seasons OK! Who out there saw this show and can't say it was one of the best shows ever on TV??? I know it lasted one season longer than most on this list- but it was an amazing funny and brilliant show with an incredible cast. Is this one on DVD? If it is..run, don't walk, to your nearest video store and grab it. But you will be as sad as me when the second season ends and there are no more....

The Honeymooners 1955 'Nuff said.

Ned and Stacy 1995 2 seasons I enjoyed this show...it had Debra Messing before Will and Grace and Thomas Hayden Church from Wings. It was funny. I liked the cast a lot and it left after two seasons...of course Will and Grace came along and the rest is history.

The Bonnie Hunt Show 1995 This show was on for one season- it was funny- Bonnie Hunt is so talented...but then she came back with a new show, "Life with Bonnie" which aired for 2 seasons..they were basically the same story idea and some of the same characters. Well done. Bonnie Hunt is amazing.

The Monkees 1966 2 seasons The Monkees, Like Gidget, was on when I was a teenager. I remember trying to tape every episode on VCR and somewhere in my mothers basement is an old box of VHS tapes with Monkees episodes. This was the perfect show for my teenage brain. Clever and funny and predictable. Same plot line every show, but you wanted it that way. And I loved the music!

Do you have any One Season Wonders to add to my list???

7 things about me

2007-06-28T08:32:00.000-06:00

Since I have not posted a picture in while here is Maren and Yabsera watching "Spirited Away". Completely entranced.....

I have been tagged by Laura to list 7 random things about me...but since my 100th post is coming up soon...I am going to list 7 things about me and the life of HIV. But first a photo of Yabsera Rock climbing in the Rockies...

My 7 things.....

1) I accompanied my friend for an HIV test in 1990. That was my first time coming that close to this disease. He tested negative, but tested positive about 8 years later and is now living with HIV.

2) I held my first baby who was HIV exposed in the fall of 1990. She was drooling on my shoulder and I wondered if I could get HIV from being drooled on. I had taken a job caring for kids with HIV and yet I had no idea what that meant or how you got the disease. There was no internet to do research. That night I found out that you do not get HIV from being drooled on. That baby ended up being uninfected. Her birthmother has long since passed away.

3) I first fell in love with children that were not my own in the fall of 1990. 3 of them had HIV and two of them did not. I loved these kids like they were my own and it was the first time I really knew that I would probably one day adopt a child.

4) I watched my first child with HIV die in the spring of 1991. I held her at night and we sang and rocked. She was in a great deal of pain. I blogged about here here.

5) I said my first goodbyes to the children I had really grown to love and cherish in the summer of 1991. My first of many heartbreaks over saying goodbye to a child. One of the children with HIV died a few years ago at age 18, and the other child who is now in her 20's is still alive and doing well. The two uninfected children are also all grown up and doing well.

6) I met my first "Buddy" with HIV in the fall of 1992. Her name was Veronica and she was 21 and the mother of two girls. Neither girl was HIV infected. I spent 4 years getting to know this young woman. We were almost the same age, both from Upstate New York, both children of the 70's and teenagers of the 80's...we had a lot in common. She died in the spring of 1996 of complications related to HIV disease. I made her a quilt piece that is now part of the AIDS Quilt.

7) I started caring for families with HIV, as a medical professional, in 1996 when the new HIV Drug Cocktail, including Protease Inhibitors, came out. This is the magic year when the new drugs were available that would change the face of HIV in the Western World. If Veronica had lived a few more months, she might be alive today and if Tina was born in 1996 she not only would be alive today- she would probably not have been born with HIV at all. No other disease, in the history of diseases, has made this type of progress this quickly. Six years was the difference for Tina and Veronica, and its also the difference for all of those kids in Ethiopia who have a chance to access these life saving medications. Many of these kids are even being adopted here in the US and other countries. Not long ago international adoption of an HIV+ child was only rarely possible. Now I have gotten about 4 emails in the last month from families who are interested in adopting an HIV+ child.

And finally- Maren- falls asleep on the wood floor at my feet. I suppose even our wood floor is more comfortable than some of the places this kid slept while in Ethiopia.

The "Helen Keller" you have brought home

2007-06-23T18:30:00.000-06:00

I was just emailing a friend of mine who was telling me about her daughter she just adopted who is about 7 or so. She was saying that she has these tantrums that are so visceral and almost animal like and it can be really hard on everyone. She can't even leave her with her older kids for fear that she might have one of these spin outs when she is not there. She says its getting better but its still so hard. I told her how normal it is and that it also gets better. It really does. And the families whose kids come home and don't do this- does not necessarily mean their children are better adjusted- they have different coping styles and who can say that child who never cries and yells for an hour or two without being consoled won't have major issues as they grow and process all of their losses and grief. Grief is ok and normal and healthy and letting them cry in a safe place is important and as their language skills get better they can talk to you and tell you how they feel. this is what I wrote to her about our experience:

The tantrums are completely normal- she has no other way to say how completely crazy she feels inside- how upset, sad, full of grief, confused she is- Maren actually talks about his tantrums now and says that he was scared and angry (his words). "Like an animal" describes it well and its why its like "Helen Keller". We also could not leave Maddie with Maren- we can now but only for easy, short times- you may remember the first time we tried it (we had been home 5 months) and we had eaten Ethiopian food with Melissa Faye Green and then went to the book signing- I think being around the Ethiopian kids and food might have set him off- we got a frantic call from Maddie- it was terrible she was just crying and sounded scared because Michael was really loosing it. Your daughter needs to get it out and when she can talk better it will help- just like having a toddler (terrible twos) who can't really talk yet so they throw themselves around and have fits. She will get better. I also have the people who comment on Maren's energy level and to me it doesn't seem like its abnormal or too high most times. He also does spend a lot of time just lying on the floor with his cars and playing quietly. But get him in a public or different situation I think he just can't process it as well- this makes sense - if he spent a lot of time alone (which he did) and also if he was never expected to act a certain way in social situations then all of these gatherings must just seem so odd and foreign, because they ARE. I think The Weavers Craft has a lot to say about toddlers- but I think the information is probably useful up to about age 8 or so with some of the behaviors she talks about. It will get better. I promise!

Help Stop Teenage Affluenza

2007-06-18T23:21:00.000-06:00

I walked by and my 14 year old was watching this. It's perfect.

The Other 5,999,268

2007-06-04T21:43:00.000-06:00

The New York Times Article on Ethiopian Adoption

In the article they point out how fast adoptions in Ethiopia have grown over the past few years and cite the pitfalls of growing too rapidly, including bringing up a scenario with the agency we used CWA (Christian World Adoption). In the article they speculate that the mix up of three babies was a mistake that could happen when an agency grows too fast. What is not pointed out is that, I believe we all recognize there is human error involved, but it's how the agency chose to handle it after the mistake had been made where I find fault. How they dealt with it and how they are dealing with it is where there is room for improvement.

I also found myself saddened to read that Ethiopia is one of the few countries who not only encourages but asks that you meet the birth family and learn from them for the child you are bringing home. Its very progressive and its what we know to be a good thing for adopted children. They need to have the story and see pictures. This helps when you have been plucked from the only place and people you know and brought half way around the world to a place where there are new smells, strange food, funny sounds, and a different language. It helps to know you were loved in Ethiopia and these are the people who loved you.

I am sad because CWA did not allow, encourage or help us meet any birth family. In fact the one thing that we hoped to have was the ability to meet our kids in the care center where they spent the last 6 months of their lives. Talk with the nannies, take pictures of them with their friends...how nice it would have been to come home and when Maren was so sad and grieving to pull out an album with his friends in it so he could look at them and talk about them?

That was the part of the article that made me sad. So choose your agency wisely. We went into it being told one thing and ended up with something else.

Bottom line- I am so glad that people everywhere are adopting from Ethiopia- with nearly 6 million orphans - the 732 kids brought to the US last year (2 of whom are my Maren and Yabsera)- are just a drop in the bucket. So much more needs to be done. Adoption is a bandaid really.

Its a wonderful thing for 732 kids and the families it affects on both sides... but its not the only answer...what about the other 5,999,268?

How Many Orphans in Ethiopia?

2007-06-03T16:40:00.000-06:00

According to UNICEF:

The number of orphans in Ethiopia, Children (0-17 years) orphaned due to all causes, in 2005, is estimated at 4,800,000.

Many other sites bring this current number closer to 6 million, which makes sense because this is only a 2005 estimate.

So....

The US census bureau estimates that there are 4,514,342 children under 18 living in New York state as of last year. So, you can safely say that if you take every child under 18 who lives in all of New York State and remove their parents you have roughly the number of orphans they estimated there were in Ethiopia 2 years ago...if you go by the more current estimates then you would have to add the state of Massachusetts at 1,448,884 kids under the age of 18 in 2006 and we are still about 100,000 kids shy...so lets add the District of Columbia with an estimate of 114,881 kids-

So we would have to take all the kids under 18 in New York, Massachusetts and the District of Columbia - remove their parents and then you would have the number of children who are orphans in Ethiopia.

"When will the day come that our dignity will be fully restored, when the purpose of our lives will no longer be merely to survive until the sun rises tomorrow!"
-Thabo Mbeki

Just 10 posts away....

2007-06-01T23:18:00.001-06:00

10 posts until I get to my 100th post- and you all know what that means- I have to list 100 things about me...I have 10 posts to make that happen...well...9 now....

Since one year ago today I was in Addis just getting to know my two little boys I leave you with a photo of them with me on the beach of lake...Langano- I think. Its amazing how much they have changed...and for posterity I am also adding one of my favorite photos of Cal- taken when he was about 7. So these are my boys- and they don't look like this any more (Yabsera is now wearing the clothes that Maren is wearing in this photo and the shoes are too small for Yabsera's giant feet!) - Maren, Yabsera and Caelan....bungy jumping

Forever Day

2007-05-30T17:25:00.000-06:00

"Mom, I don't know what that mean, 'forever'."

"Forever means that it goes on and on. It never stops. It means always."

"I don't know what that mean 'Forever Day'."

"Today is the day that mommy and daddy were in Ethiopia, one year ago, and Dagne gave you to us and we kept you forever. It means we will never give you back. You will always be our little boy, our baby boy...forever...never ending....always."

Adoption is forever. Never ends. Always.

Today we celebrated one year- had lunch at our favorite local Ethiopian Restaurant with my brother and my father. We celebrate one year ago today when our lives changed inexorably, beautifully, wonderfully and joyfully. Thanks to all of you who were here along the way.

Here is one year ago....

What Ethiopia Spends on Healthcare

2007-05-27T23:07:00.001-06:00

This is one of my all time favorite blogs. It's written by an American Man who is living as an Ex-pat in Ethiopia with his wife and child- and two cats-oh and a dog. His latest entry is worth repeating. Please click here to read it. It is short and to the point. And stunning I might add. It's no wonder my Maren looks like a 3 or 4 year old when he is really much older. He came from the poorest part of one of the worlds poorest countries.
Ferenge Blog on Health Care Expenditures in Ethiopia

Yabsera's first haircut

2007-05-11T01:11:00.000-06:00

This was taken on a hike a few weeks before the haircut.
Before....
Hmmmmmm.......
Bald! :(
All 4 kids got a cut- but you cant even tell Cal's was cut!

The Cousins and Maren's 3rd birthday in one year

2007-05-11T01:09:00.000-06:00

Maren has his 3rd and final birthday since he came home...the other day he said "when is my birthday?" I said...now you have to wait like everyone else for a WHOLE YEAR! When we got him he was supposed to be three but he was really older so we have aged him up with little parties throughout the year. My sister in-law makes a cool tablecoth with each year on it so people can sign it. So we have signed 4, 5, and 6. But its kind of sad to have 1, 2 and 3 all empty!

Cal and Yabsera- pre haircut
The cousins!!

The Dedication

2007-05-11T00:50:00.000-06:00

Maren and Yabsera were dedicated the Sunday after Easter. It was beautiful. We had just started going to a new church and we met with the pastors prior to the dedication and in just that short they got the true essence of both boys. I would like to type here what the pastor prayed over them because it was beautiful. I remember he said that Yabsera was a "Son of Ethiopia" and he would return to his country one day. And he said that Maren's joy reaches everyone like his smile that extends from the east to the west.

Here is my verse fro Yabsera, whose name means "The work of God".
Isaiah 43:5-7:
5 Do not be afraid, for I am with you;
I will bring your children from the east and gather you from the west.
6 I will say to the north, 'Give them up!' and to the south, 'Do not hold them back.' Bring my sons from afar and my daughters from the ends of the earth-
7 everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory,
whom I formed and made."

Here is my verse for Maren. His name means "Have Mercy".

Psalm 30:10-1210
Hear, O LORD, and be merciful to me; O LORD, be my help."
11 You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, 12 that my heart may sing to you and not be silent.
O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever.
Here is Maren's teacher who came- Mrs. Peterson. She is just like Miss Frizzle and Maren has learned so much from her! We are so thankful to her for her patience and cultural sensitivity. We will miss her.
Here is Mark's sister, Sharon and her husband P. These are Maren's Godparents and he just loves them so much! They came all the way from New York to be with us.
This is Mark's side of the family. His mom, his sister and brother -in-law and our niece and nephews and our kids of course!

Please Pray for Lucas

2007-05-10T08:03:00.000-06:00

Hey all- This is one of my favorite blogs - on my blog roll its called "My wake up call" because he really pushes you to think outside the box. Anyway- his son has suffered severe burns and is asking for prayer, You can read about it here:
Pray for Lucas!

They recently brought home their kids from Ethiopia afer a very long wait.

Easter with the Boys, one year later

2007-04-08T20:59:00.001-06:00

Last Easter this is what I wrote. So here I am one year later and - its true- we had a huge group around our table (the photo below is all the "kids" who were there). I do remember life before Maren and Yabsera- but barely. It's a distant memory. I love my kids so much and can't imagine not having all of them! It was icy cold for the egg hunt- and Maren did not really "get it" until there were only a few eggs left- he was moving along so slow looking for big eggs and pretty eggs while all of the American born and raised egg hunters were out to get as many eggs as possible...as soon as there were only a few left- it clicked...and then he was running around like crazy- but it was a little too late...but now he knows...

Pastor Bob Barr

2007-04-04T21:35:00.000-06:00

My husband's father, Bob Barr, was born in Malawi Africa. His brother and sister -in-law still live their and work with SIM Malawi. Their kids are still their and have started Kindle Orphan Outreach. Bob was a pastor of a large non-denominational community church in Fairport N.Y. He died 16 years ago of ALS. Even though Mark and I met in high school and were very good friends, I did not know his dad at all really, which was odd. It is odd to be so close to someone and not really know someone who is so important to them. When his father was diagnosed I was a sophomore in College. I remember getting the phone call and I am pretty sure I said something really stupid because I did not know what ALS was. I did not know that you die from it. I remember Mark was frustrated with me when he called me. We stayed close during this time while Mark left school and ultimately went home to live with his dad during his last years. I know that time with his father is precious. We were dating by the time I actually sat down and had a conersation with Pastor Bob. He was 3 years into the diagnosis and the conversation was done via a computer "light talker" because one of the first things he lost was his voice - wouldn't you know it - the man whose profession was speaking and who had an incredible singing voice- looses the voice before other muscle groups. It is different in everyone. That conversation felt a lot like the "I need to meet the person whom my son will spend the rest of his life with" even though we were not engaged and I was leaving for California, it is like he knew that. (Maybe Mark had told him)

Anyway- he died on April 2, 1991- and we were remembering this yesterday when there was a Frontline episode on ALS called "So Much So Fast". It was too much of a coincidence. The story is a remarkable one (like many ALS stories) of a man who was only 29 when he was diagnosed and he was in love and he got married and had a baby- all while he was loosing his ability to walk, talk, hold that baby, and hug his wife.

They call it an "orphan disease" because there are not enough people who have it to finance the amount of research that needs to be done to provide medication or a cure for this disease. And when you are disgnosed you are lucky to live 2-4 years so people do not live long enough to become really vocal or take up the enormous cause. But this family, that was on Frontline, did. I wish I had a picture of Bob to post for you...but I don't so here is his son. My love. With his baby boy.

Cousins, Cousins, and more Cousins...

2007-03-27T22:32:00.000-06:00

We had so much fun with all the cousins on Emily's side of the family in Colonial Williamsburg...we have 10 grandkids from 18 to 4 months old....Here they are marching through town...
We went to an amusement park and the only thing Yabsera could play in was this egg...
Carolyn was the first born and she is now in college...she loves her little cousins so much. She was the one who just yelped with joy when she heard we were adopting from Ethiopia. She is an amazing and Godly woman and inspires me so much and I am so very proud of her.
When we left we had to get one shot with all the kids...the money shot!
I will have to post more photos from the trip because there are so many really fun pictures- but I have to get back on a plane tomorrow- three trips to the east coast in three weeks...my head doesn't know which way is up and I have no idea what time zone I am supposed to feel like I am in!

HIV Links As Promised

2007-03-16T18:11:00.000-06:00

Sorry this took so long to post. I know several of you have been waiting for this...This is a list of helpful links to learn more about HIV and AIDS. Much of this information pertains to living with HIV here in the USA. Its not as pretty in other parts of the world and the stigma is worse in other parts of the world. The stigma is what causes many of the problems and also is at the root of the rapidly growing transmission. If we can stop the stigma here at home, and work on ending it abroad change can occur.

The Elizabeth Glaser Foundation for Pediatric AIDS

NPHRC at the François-Xavier Bagnoud Center in partnership with the Center for HIV Information at UCSF provides the latest and most current information on mother and child HIV infection

From that same site you can navigate to a link that has global and country specific information and links on HIV/AIDS in other countries and around the world.

New York State DOH site: Excellent site with all of the current guidelines on testing, treatment, and psychosocial issues related to Pediatric HIV

One of the better and most accurate site on Living with HIV or for information about HIV on the internet. Used by health care professionals as well as people living with HIV. Not specifically pediatric focused but a lot of great links and accurate information.

An excellent site devoted to women with HIV. A great site for up to date information on pregnancy and HIV, and what your child will be coping with as an adult woman with HIV. There is also useful information on disclosure for children.

A good list (though not exhaustive) of summer camps and programs designed for kids living with HIV as well as their uninfected siblings.

The Children’s Hospital’s Pediatric HIV Program is where I work.

Articles and Links specifically related to adoption of an HIV infected child

This is an article written about international adoption of HIV infected children.

The following two abstracts were written and presented back when there were many children in the USA with HIV who were living in hospitals and institutions (1989,1990). These abstracts show that it is possible to adopt these children and discusses the support systems put in place for this scenario some 16 years ago. This is now commonplace in the USA and there are many adoptive families raising children with HIV.

The first abstract
The second abstract

This is an article about the founder of “Chances by Choice” who is helping to find families for children with HIV all over the world.

Here is the Chances by Choice website.

This is a short article highlighting the fact that children living with HIV in the United States are now living with a chronic condition verses a fatal condition. There are many studies and articles out there that show this change in the long term prognosis of children living with HIV in the US.

This is the link to the AHOPE website.

And finally one of the foremost champions of HIV infected children around the world, Jane Aronson MD, who also has good information on HIV testing in Ethiopian Adoptions.

The World Wide Orphans Site

"Freedom" is just another word for "nothing left to loose"

2007-03-15T19:04:00.000-06:00

CWA, Christian World Adoption, in their infinite wisdom did me the service of cutting me off. I can no longer post on their web board and they have erased any posts I did write...so anything about HIV testing, medical information, travel information, information about the Guest House where we stayed - all gone. I guess I was being a subversive. Some would call it "Christ Like" (But I wouldn't go that far). Below is what they posted recently about meeting birth families after only the third family traveled to Sodo and actually met two of their three adopted children's birth families. I guess this caused a firestorm on the CWA web board of people talking about the pros and cons of meeting their child's birth families.
Seems easy. Let's see folks:

Cons: Its hard, they might ask you for money and you have to say no, birth family might be emotional, you might be emotional, child might be emotional (but all of that is ok, right?...I mean its sad right?)

Pros: The child will desire this information. Your child WILL want to see a photo, he will want to hear any tidbit of info you can give him about where he came from, that is a guarantee. Ask anyone. Read it in any adoption book. Its the ABC's of Adoption.

A: Adopt the child into your heart and make him your own
B: Bring their story with you from their birth family to your family
C: Connect the dots for your child so he doesn't feel unending gaping bottomless pit of sadness as he grows and wonders about where he came from.

They (CWA) wrote this email out, right after they wrote an email saying that families could travel to the orphanages from where their kids came from. But then a family did it and now more families want to do this, so they wrote this email- I have cut the top part off about the laws of orphanages in Ethiopia and am just including the part where they want to discourage people from actually traveling to the regions where their children are from and from seeking out any remaining birth families:

"Here are some things to consider if you choose to pursue meeting your child's biological family:

1. These are closed adoptions. CWA and CWAE are not able to facilitate family meetings, contact biological families, make travel or lodging arrangements. What? Closed? I thought the Ethiopian Government encouraged families to meet their child's birth family? See Revised Family Code Article 183 from the Ethiopian Government.

2. Giving a biological family contact information may give other biological families the impression that ALL adoptive families will give them their contact information. Not every family is willing to do this. Duh.

3. The biological family may go to the orphanage that placed their child and see post adoption report photos and hear a summary of the report, but neither CWA, CWAE, nor the orphanage will share contact adoptive family contact information. Does the birth family know they can do this? And what about the time when the birth family actually did get the contact information and contacted the family in the USA and asked them for money? OOPS!

4. Giving a biological family money can be construed as child buying and this could cause legal problems for the orphanage and CWA/CWAE. Duh. No one is doing this. Only two families have even met birth family and they did not do this. Interesting that the CWAE staff might have been construed as encouraging it though. Also interesting that CWA has hired birth mothers (two to be exact- that we know of).

5. Giving a child's biological family money may give other children's biological families the impression that ALL adoptive families will give them money. Not every family is willing to do this. See above. You already said this.

6. Orphanages don't have family counseling resources for biological families.
Why not? Seems that since it costs hardly anything to employ someone in Ethiopia, and we all know they need the jobs, that providing a staff member who is dedicated to provide grief counseling for the families who are now grieving the loss of their children should be very high up on your list of priorities. Just one of your many Business class tickets to Ethiopia should cover the cost of several Ethiopian Staff. You could have several people dedicated to this type of counseling. How about counseling birth families before they make their decision to find out if its in the child's best interest to be posted on the "waiting children website" that seems like it should be at the top of the list of things to do. You have the money...so do it. Do the right thing.

We all understand the love you have for your child or children and your desires to know more about them. Our goal is to educate you and help you to make wise decisions. Thank you for your time, your understanding and your willingness to try to understand and respect the country and people of Ethiopia." And thank you for respecting the children you are placing for adoption and the families who gave birth to them. It's simple.

and thank God for HB Whipple.....

"All we want in Christ, we shall find in Christ. If we want little, we shall find little. If we want much, we shall find much; but if, in utter helplessness, we cast our all on Christ, He will be to us the whole treasury of God."

-- Henry Benjamin Whipple

A Day in the Life

2007-03-01T22:35:00.000-07:00

Here is the day in the life of Emily...I got this idea from Mary over at Owlhaven . I chose March 1st because one year ago today was the day we got our referral for our Ethiopian Adoption. We had fed exed out Dossier the day before and Tracy at CWA had the referral just waiting for us...that was back in the day when you did not even wait for a referral. We had asked for a toddler boy and an older child of either gender who would be less than 7. We got Maren and Yabsera. A baby and a three year old going on 30. One year later we have the toddler boy and the older child who is less than 7 (just slightly). So, here I am...its March 1,2007 and I am not up in time for work...at this point Mark has already left with Cal and Madeline...I am getting ready for work. I have to figure out (every morning) how to make the bed with the beagle sleeping in the middle of it.

This is a verse that my close friend Shelley made me- she sent me several little verses and I have hung them all over my house- this one is in my bathroom so I can start each day contemplating it. I met Shelley through CWA. Her boys and my boys were in the orphanage together, they are like brothers and we are like sisters.

Then when I am all ready to go, I come out and Yabsera is always standing there ready for hugs and kisses...sometimes he is banging on the shower door. He is usually pretty stinky at this point and needs a bath!

Phoebe then comes running for her morning kisses- of which she steals many from me.

I look up and Maren has his hand in a jar of Chocolate covered raisins. Left over from our Oscar party. He knows this is wrong and yet he does this right in front of our nanny, Genet's, nose!

Here is Genet. She is trying to encourage some other choices for breakfast. I take the raisinettes and put them up very high.

Genet loves Yabsera...she says that he speaks Amharic. She swears on it. All he can do in English is sing "Happy birthday to you!" It's quite cute actually. We have started to see if we can only sing to him to get him to speak English.

We have had some beautiful weather in Denver. We have more sunny days than San Diego or Miami believe it or not- but not this winter. Here is me driving to work...

Here is where I work...I work in the HIV clinic.

We used to be in the main hospital. But HIV does not bring in as much money as cardiology so we got moved across the street.
Now we are here.
I left my badge in my office..but I am lucky that Patty comes in early so she could let me in. This is me stuck outside.
This is Patty. She is one of the nurses I work with. Our clinic would never be the same without her. The families LOVE her and so do we!
This is Neferttiti. She is a huge help to me and I could not do what i do without her!
This is my office. I spend a lot of time here. These are some of my pictures...if you saw Survivor Australia then you will recognize the man I am with in the photo at the top of my bulletin board. It is Jeff from survivor Australia (my favorite season and my favorite guy on that season) He took a million dollar bite of peanut butter. Back in the day I just couldn't believe a guy would give up a million dollars for a bite of peanut butter. I get it now.
This is the other side of my desk...more pictures of my kids and my family and some of my patients. the white binders are all studies I work on for kids, youth and pregnant woman with HIV. Most of those are local studies but some are international. It's what brought me to South Africa and ultimately to Ethiopia. HIV and AIDS.
This is where I sit and work. My computer. We are getting ready for a big site monitoring visit. This takes a lot of time. We have to check our work in minute detail and its very time consuming and also one of the parts of my job I don't like. But since I am good at that part of my job they just give me more and more and more of it.
This is Kathleen. She is a research assistant. We work closely. I was bugging her so much this week. Every time she sat down to eat I would yell through the wall, "Where is that HIV RNA PCR on that 1059 study patient?!?" and she would curse me under her breath. She works very hard. I goof off and want to talk about LOST a lot.
I gave my camera to my patient. This patient wins the prize for being so darling. I wish i could have taken a picture of her freckles. But since I work with kids with HIV I have to be very careful about confidentiality and really if you saw her freckles then you would know her immediately.

These are her feet, her mom's feet, and my striped feet. Th other set of feet are Patty's. She thought we were taking pictures of people's feet with one shoe on and one shoe off...she is a bit crazy if you ask me!
It is fitting that on this day, March 1, 2007 when I am celebrating one year from my referral, one year since I saw photos of my two youngest children, that I would see one of our Ethiopian Families in clinic. I actually met relatives of this family while in Addis! This little person- who is also very sweet and adorable- has HIV. I had this little friend take pictures of our hands. wish I could show you. Because you would see that you cannot see HIV when looking at this face. Not even slightly.
We just finished our blood draw.....this amazing little human being is so brave- I wish I could have shown you the whole thing!
At Children's Hospital we have this very cool ball machine. Its just the coolest and most mesmerizing thing. Its in front of the lab. Behind the ball machine are two of my patients. Again, trying to be discreet!

I say goodbye to my freind. The mom and Dad are wonderful, loving and kind and want to cook for me- I am happy about this because I love Ethiopian food and so do my baby boys!
This is my car when I come back out to leave. I leave early enough to pick up my kids from school. Today was supposed to be a great day. It was hard in some ways because of some things that CWA did to me that day. CWA is the agency I used for my Ethiopian Adoption. I was surprised and hurt by some of the things they have done...but today was one of the worst. I got in my car and headed to the school.
I was late getting Maren. He was the only kid left- but his wonderful teacher (who reminds me of Miss Frizzle from the Magic School Bus) said I could take their picture!
Notice his fly is down, he is not wearing his winter coat, no mittens, and the lovely pink boots...but he is most concerned about his Chinese Lantern that he made for Chinese New Year. He does not want it to get wet. Monday will be "Ethiopia" day in their trip around the world!

Ahhhh....Home at last...time to take the valentine flag down and put up the St. Patricks Day Flag!
Genet- ready to go...as soon as I come home she is in the car. Yabsera is sad to see her go...
but happy to see his mama...
Maren has his snack and cuddles up with his bear...and one of his cars...

Soon I am back in the car to pick up Phoebe from school...she had an art class!
It's not long before I find Maren asleep on the couch- and dinner is not even here yet.
Mark is working late and has ordered up Pizza! Which the dog is trying to steal from the baby.
And the baby thinks it's funny...
Maren goes to bed without any supper and no jammies- he was REALLY tired! He is still in his coat!

Phoebe sleeps among her animals...
And I get ready to watch LOST! (I like this part of my day a lot!)
But before I can enjoy the show I check on Cal and Maddie who are being loud upstairs....
My husband is home now and ready to watch LOST! with me- he will, however, fall asleep at about 5 minutes into the show...like clockwork!
Before bed, I check my email. I read my emails from my close friends who have helped me get through this hard day- by sharing verses, warm words, encouraging thoughts and gratitude. I love them. Also, one of my best friends is in Ethiopia right now meeting her three new children! She will bring her boys home and have to go back to bring her daughter home in a few months. So, I am praying for her and checking for updates on their trip to Sodo where my boys are from.
Finally, in bed, with the dog and TIVO

Good night!

Happy Birthday My Maren!

2007-01-25T21:46:00.000-07:00

Today Maren turned 5! When we got him he was supposed to be about 3 1/2- we quickly felt that he was at least 4- but were shocked when the dentist said he was between 5 and 7. The pediatrician said he was 6 and the endocronologist said he was 7. We felt a bit of a loss- because you think you have this 3 year old and suddenly you are having to contemplate kindergarten. We felt like we suddenly lost years right before our eyes. So we decided to age him up. He turned 4 in November on the day my grandfather would have been 100 years old if he was still here. And today is his Ethiopian Birth certificate DOB- which is also his Uncle and Godfather's birthday...in April we will turn him 6. That is the date we learned that he was legally ours.

We had a great little birthday and here are some photos of the event.

We had just gone to our friends birthday party and they are from Mexco where a child takes a bite of the cake for each year they are old. Of Course Maren wanted to do this too!

Maren never had pajamas in Ethiopia, never owned shoes, he says "My clothes were dirty", when he got these PJ's for christmas he just LOVED them. He actually brought them in to show his teacher one day!

His big sisters just love him...

HIV and adoption FAQ

2007-01-10T20:59:00.000-07:00

Do you have any references, books, websites, etc. that you would recommend people read in order to learn more about HIV?

I am going to answer this in a separate post. I won't make you wait. Its just that it's a list and I am afraid people won't read the rest of the questions below if I post it now.

What is the prognosis for kids who are HIV+ in the world today? I have read in several places that HIV is now considered a chronic and manageable disease. Is this true in most cases?

Children living with HIV in parts of the world with easy access to good health care, ant HIV medications (AKA Antiretroviral medications, ARVs, and HAART or Highly Active Antiretoviral Therapy) have an excellent prognosis. Since HAART began in 1996 we have seen a rapid decline in the number of people with AIDS in many parts of the world. It has increased the number of people living with HIV. This is because without HAART HIV will progress to AIDS. There is a window of 7-10 years (sometimes shorter and in some people that window is very long) in which your HIV stays well controlled without medication. Once your immune system hits that tipping point so to speak- and the number special helper immune T Cells (CD4 cells) declines so low that your body becomes susceptible to numerous infections it once could fight off easily (opportunistic infections) you have progressed to full blown AIDS. Many many people who started this therapy 11 years ago are alive today and doing well with their HIV so well controlled it is not even detectable in their blood. This means their immune system functions almost like people without HIV. It means they can go to school, college, get married and have babies- and they are doing all of these things and more. Many of you, if asked, would say you do not know anyone with HIV, but the reality is that many of you do and you just don't know it. We care for many kids in Colorado, Wyoming, South Dakota, New Mexico, Arizona, Utah and Kentucky! They are all in schools with kids like your kids and you would never know what they are walking around with. But, you don't really need to know, unless it's someone you are close to and you can offer help with childcare when they travel to see the HIV clinic every three months.

What are some of the common medical complications that HIV+ children have to endure?

Kids without treatment can have a variety of Opportunistic Infections which include but are not limited to Shingles (or herpes Zoster) Condyloma (or warts), fungal infections like thrush, yeast infections, fungal infections in their brains like Coccidiomycosis, Chronic Bacterial infections like ear infections, pneumonias, meningitis and other brain infections, cryptosporidium syndromes that involve chronic diarrhea, and cause wasting are common. Chicken pox that can be life threatening, rashes, poor growth, issues with brain development, Cerebral Palsy, heart disease, diseases that are worse in other parts of the world like TB, Typhoid and Malaria.
Click here for more on this and a guide to HIV

BUT with meds we see some side effects to the meds like pancreatitis, Hepatitis (liver abnormalities) Kidney disease, and even kids who are well controlled will still get Zoster (shingles) sometimes. Other side effects to the meds include elevated triglycerides and Cholesterol- so having a good diet is very important. Most of the issues kids who are on meds deal with are related to the meds and not related to the HIV. Unless you count the stigma of living with a disease that so many people are still so ignorant and fearful of. That is often described by families as the worst side effect of having HIV. Not the HIV, Not the meds, Not the visits to the doctor every there months, but the STIGMA of the disease.

Do you have any advice for adoptive parents who are considering adopting a child who is HIV+?

I think you want to talk about it with people around you whom you reply on for support. Expect them to voice concern, and even expect them to be angry with you for making a choice that will affect them. And listen to them..and when they are quiet tell them you would love to answer all of their questions...if they have none - ask for them. Say "I know you are probably concerned that our child might come home and be very sick and then die." (Its good t ask this one for them first- its not the first thing in their mind- but it will make them feel better that you assume this is their first concern.) You can then relay what we do for kids with HIV today and how kids born with this 25 and 30 years ago are in medical school, college getting married and having children who are uninfected.

Our rate of transmission in our country for women who are well controlled on medication is an amazing and miraculous less than 1%!!! then you can ask "for them" the question that they really want to ask which is "I am sure you are wondering if we are putting ourselves and those around us at risk?" (again you couch this as their concern for you- you don't mention them- it feels much less like an attack this way) and you can explain the transmission of HIV and how impossible it is to get from regular contact. After you have discussed this with those you love and have gained some support you will feel better about moving forward. Seek out the providers you are likely to use for their care and talk to them educate yourself, talk to other families who are affected by HIV, not just adoptive families but speak to moms who are living with this disease and raising children with and without HIV.

Then find one of the few courageous and innovative, the few truly caring, those on the leading edge of adoption, the frontier- contact those agencies who will facilitate and adoption of an HIV positive child. And every agency that does write them a latter thanking them for reaching out to those kids who needed it more than any others. And thank them for the families willing to bring home a child with HIV. Then choose the agency that works best for you and your family, raise money, and adopt just like you would any other child. (Except there is one more step in this process which I can cover on a different post)

How can I locate an Infectious Disease specialist or an HIV specialist in my area?

The Internet is a great tool for this. The Ryan White Care Act is a great resource with listings all over. Calling a children's hospital that is near where you are and asking them what they provide and what they recommend for children with HIV, seeking out an IMPAACT site (formally known as the PACTG) because these sites are federally funded and have access to treatment trials that other sites do not. Checking the IDSA webiste. Find a clinic that is multidisciplinary. You will want a social worker or case manager- its helpful if there is a nurse practitioner who works with the physician and we have a dietician, neurodevelopmental psychologist, social worker, NP, MD, Pharmacist, child life specialist and a general pediatrician. We are blessed in our clinic to have all of these people committed to the families we care for.

One of the biggest worries I have is not about the medical aspects of HIV, because I think we can handle those (as parents you deal with what you have to in that regard, there are no guarantees of health with biological children either), but I am worried about the social aspects of HIV. It is still a disease that carries such a negative social stigma how can parents become prepared to deal with these social issues? Who do you tell? Who do you not tell? How do you deal with discrimination against HIV+ children?

This question is why this post sat here unpublished for so long because if I really had this answer we would not even be having this discussion. I am going to answer this one in a separate post too. Because I feel it’s so important, and I want to answer it well.

Do HIV+ children pose a risk to other children in their homes, schools, churches, etc.?

None. (read that period aloud) There is no known documented case of a child passing HIV to another child in school or church. There is one famous case in England with two boys who both had Hemophilia and one had HIV and the other did not- they do not know how the other got it but the theory was the shared a razor- even this would pose a low risk unless the razor cut the skin of both kids caused a lot of bleeding (remember they had hemophilia) and they used the razor immediately after each other. And today- with HAART when the viral load is less than detectable the risk of transmission is almost nothing- it's why a baby can be born through a bloody birth canal- be covered in blood and not get HIV. HIV is very hard to get. Its not a strong virus in that it only lives a very short amount of time in air...dies within seconds in air. Unlike Hep B, which is, a sturdier virus and can live a long time in a needle in the right conditions for instance. HIV is not easy to get. We don't talk about that all the time...but its hard to get under normal circumstances- things that make it easier to get are unprotected sex with someone who has other sexually transmitted diseases- or if you have other sexually transmitted diseases. Studies are showing that concurrent drug use with things like METH makes it not only easier to get HIV, but may be helping HIV progress to AIDS much faster than in a healthy non-substance using person.

My friend is a nurse and I couldn't believe her response to my comment that we might consider an HIV+ child. At first she asked me why we would put our family at risk. How can we educate ourselves about HIV and the risks...and then how can we
educate our friends and families to understand the issues?

I am always amazed at the health care professionals who are for some reason more afraid than the layperson. I have pediatricians who tell a mother their child has AIDS because the HIV antibody that comes back on a newborn is positive. That test only looks for mom's antibody- so its only a test of a mother- can you imagine how devastating that would be to be told that in error?

I will be posting some great websites to help educate yourself. I think the best is listening to people who live with the disease talk for themselves Click here to view the Positive Project by Tony Miles. I know this man and this is an amazing project where you can hear and see the stories told first hand.

I think when people ask how you get HIV- many times they are asking how do we NOT get HIV. Here is how you DO NOT get HIV:

"Studies of families of HIV-infected people have shown clearly that HIV is not spread through casual contact such as the sharing of food utensils, towels and bedding, swimming pools, telephones, or toilet seats. HIV is not spread by biting insects such as mosquitoes or bedbugs." This comes directly from our governement's Infectious Disease agency (NIAID).

Should people share that they are adopting an HIV child or keep as a need to know basis?

This is obviously just my opinion. This will depend a lot on whom you are and your community. I feel that you should not announce it to everyone because there are privacy laws for a reason. They are there to protect your child form discrimination. I have three types of families- I have the ones who are so open, give talks, the whole school knows, the child becomes the poster child for HIV in their area...Then I have families who only disclose to people close to them. the kids identify a few best friends whom they grow to trust and they tell, only the school nurse and principal knows or they have not told the school at all (most of my patients do not disclose to the school), then their are families who tell no one. and I mean no one- including the child with HIV. 12 and 13 year old walking around with HIV who do not know.

None of these scenarios are perfect. But I can tell you those kids who have the most trouble are often the first and third group. Kids don’t mind being the poster child when they are you, and families often benefit- they can make money to pay bills, raise awareness, put a face to the disease- so much of that is so important to decreasing stigma as a whole and so for that I have to applaud these families who attempt to normalize and educate others. But- in most cases those kids become teenagers who do not want everyone to know they are HIV +. they want to be "normal". They want to move and start over. They are tired of being treated differently. They stop taking meds in order to make themselves feel normal. And In smaller communities this can really take a toll on a child-there are also community members who burn out from the constant attention to the cause.

You have to find what works for your family. I think all children should be told the truth as they can understand it developmentally. This has been studied and showed it helps so much in adherence and well being. But do not be short sighted. What you disclose you can never take back so choose carefully how and when you disclose your child's status and just as you would not run round and tell everyone your child had Diabetes or Hep B or about their conception- you would not share this. Every book on adoption talks about how children need to own and be in charge of their own adoption and birth story and this would go hand in hand with that.

Did you visit AHOPE when you were in Ethiopia? If so, can you tell me about the kids there?

I did! But again I will never get this posted if I answer this now- I will do another AHOPE post very soon.

Does health insurance cover the child or do they consider it a "pre-existing condition?"

It is not a preexisting condition that would preclude an adopted child from being covered.- you adopt and your health insurance must cover your child no matter what- if they have a cleft palate or a heart defect or Hep B they have to cover it. It's your child.

Good questions!

HIV Questions Asked

2007-01-05T08:27:00.000-07:00

Here is a photo of an incredible woman and advocate for change I met and worked with in South Africa- I would bet that this country gets past the stigma of HIV much faster than our country. They have set a precedent for change and forgiveness that is impressive.

Here is an email I got the other day. I get emails like this all the time. I thought this one was great and asked great questions. It is so similar to several others I have gotten recently I thought I would post the answers here on my blog. I got permission to post it. I will post this email and then if others have questions add them to the comments and in the subsequent days I will be posting the answers here to these questions and any others that come up. I will also be posting the HIV links that I frequently give out to people so you can do your own surfing on the topic.

"My husband and I are just beginning the process of adoption from
Ethiopia. We are VERY early in the process, we just filled out our
application and sealed it in the envelope to send our on Wednesday
when the post office opens back up. We are hoping to adopt a sibling
pair in the age range of 2-7 years old. We are planning to work with
Adoption Advocates International and part of our decision to work
with them is because of their willingness to place HIV+ children in
adoptive homes.

My husband and I are not sure if adopting an HIV+ child is right for
us, but we are certainly doing our best to educate ourselves about
this issue. I finished reading "There Is No Me Without You" just
before Christmas and I have to admit that book taught me quite a bit
about the origins and history of the HIV virus. I have also been in
contact with a couple of families who have or are in the midst of
adopting a child with HIV.

I know that there are so many kids in Ethiopia (and all over the
world) who are HIV+ and in need of loving homes. My heart goes out
to all of these kids. And I am longing to know more about HIV and
the issues and complications that these kids will likely have to
endure in their lifetimes.

I know from reading your blog that you work with people who are
HIV+. Do you have any references, books, websites, etc. that you
would recommend people read in order to learn more about HIV?

What is the prognosis for kids who are HIV+ in the world today? I
have read in several places that HIV is now considered a chronic and
manageable disease. Is this true in most cases? What are some of
the common medical complications that HIV+ children have to endure?

Do you have any advice for adoptive parents who are considering
adopting a child who is HIV+?

Do you know of any Infectious Disease specialists or any HIV
specialists locally by any chance?

One of the biggest worries I have is not about the medical aspects of
HIV, because I think we can handle those (as parents you deal with
what you have to in that regard, there are no guarantees of health
with biological children either), but I am worried about the social
aspects of HIV. It is still a disease that carries such a negative
social stigma (though I still haven't figured out why). How can
parents become prepared to deal with these social issues? Who do you
tell? Who do you not tell? How do you deal with discrimination
against HIV+ children?

Do HIV+ children pose a risk to other children in their homes,
schools, churches, etc.?

My friend is a nurse and I couldn't believe her response to my comment
that we might consider an HIV+ child. At first she asked me why we
would do that...and then when I told her that my understanding so far
is that they don't pose a great risk to other people as long as you
take precautions in the rare occasions when they are needed. I
mentioned that it was considered a chronic yet manageable disease and
her comeback was "yes, but its an INFECTIOUS disease". How can we
educate ourselves about HIV and the risks...and then how can we
educate our friends and families to understand the issues?

I would appreciate any help that you could provide. I feel like I am
asking "stupid" questions sometimes, but I really want to be able to
make an educated decision about this for our family. We do not have
any children, so our adopted children will be our firsts. We may or
may not add biological children or other adopted children in the
future.

Even if we decide that adopting a child that is HIV+ right now is not
right for our family, it may be right for our family later. And, if
it still isn't, I certainly want to support the adoption of HIV+
children. They are so deserving of loving families.

Did you visit AHOPE when you were in Ethiopia? If so, can you tell
me about the kids there?

Thank you again...I hope that you and your family have a very
wonderful new year!"

Happy New Year!

2007-01-01T11:50:00.000-07:00

It's hard to believe that one year ago we had just started this journey- just one year ago sending in the application fees to our agency, Christian World Adoption. And on Maren's intake sheet the date is January 2, 2006. That would be one year ago tomorrow. So we have guessed that this is the time he was brought into care. He was so weak he couldn't walk and spent two weeks in the hospital. As far as we can tell he was without parents for about 2 years and at some point a kind man named Ashango took him in and he was the one who brought him to the orphanage. Maren says only nice things about this man and we are so thankful for him.

Here are my children on Christmas Eve before Church. We were blessed in Denver to have a white Christmas, which is something that does not usually happen! Its also probably the last time I will be able to put matching shirts on my three sons!

Our good friend Luana and her boys came over Christmas eve, She and Maren have a lot of fun together. She has been a huge help since we brought the boys home last June.

This is my sister and her kids on Christmas Eve. We wished we could have been together. My mom came this week and so I was able to steal her camera and the photos she took while in New York!

These are my kids on Christmas morning with their stockings. My good friend gave us (15 years ago) a gift of making stockings for all of our children as they come into the family. I was lame and did not tell her about the boys in enough time to have stockings made. It has been a great wedding gift...but I think they probably thought they were done with Phoebe!

Happy New Year!

What decorating a tree and a massive snowstorm looks like to a little Ethiopian Drummer Boy

2006-12-24T15:51:00.000-07:00

If I could play music while you view this Blog post it would be David Bowie and Bing Crosby singing their famous version of The Little Dummer Boy.

Today it was reported in the New York Times that Ethiopia and Somalia continue fighting. Well, Ethiopia is now admitting to the fighting. On the eve of our Saviors birth. Here it is Christmas morning- early- the time when the sugarplums are dancing in heads and children are all nestled…and I turn on the computer so I can print a photograph and this article is there – published less than 20 minutes ago:
Anti-American sentiment is sweeping across Africa

So…as you look at my photos – the kids that one year ago were brought to the orphanage- one year ago when we went to bed on Christmas eve not knowing if this adoption would happen and on Christmas morning we knew it would…as you look at the photos and as you read the article about the fighting in Somalia…play this song in your head- hear David Bowie and Bing Crosby singing….

Come they told me pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
A new-born king to see pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
Our finest gifts we bring pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
Rum-pum-pum-pum, rum-pum-pum-pum

Peace on Earth, can it be
Years from now, perhaps we'll see
See the day of glory
See the day, when men of good will
Live in peace, live in peace again

Peace on Earth, can it be
Every child must be made aware
Every child must be made to care
Care enough for his fellow man
To give all the love that he can

((This is what 2 feet of snow in 24 hours looks like to a little boy from a village near Sodo, Ethiopia))

I pray my wish will come true
For my child and your child too
He'll see the day of glory
See the day when men of good will
Live in peace, live in peace again

This is what the holidays often feel like to most of us...we want to run screaming but are held together by the JOY of the Miracle of Christ.

Peace on Earth, can it be
Can it be

Oh Come On!

2006-12-14T22:20:00.000-07:00

Is it still possible in this day and age that people still think they can "catch" HIV from a child? From a hug? From holding a hand? Is it possible that the stigma of HIV and AIDS is still so deep...wait a sec...How on earth did it get so deep when this disease has hardly even been around...I mean it really "appeared" only 20 or 30 years ago...how does that happen?

We have a young guy in clinic who needs medication - but we cannot start him on medication because he lives in a house with a lot of people who do not know he has HIV and he is TERRIFIED to tell them. This could quite possibly kill this man. The fear of the reactions of the people he loves the most in this world.

Jesus must just cringe when walking among us. (I am certain he spends a lot of time looking at me cross-eyed) So if HIV is the modern day leprosy...then why wouldn't Christians want to do everything they can do help those who suffer with this horrible disease? It is quite clear it is what Christ would have us do. When caring for and loving people with HIV are we not showing love for Christ himself?

Why would a Christian Adoption Agency say that they will not facilitate the adoption of an HIV positive child? I can tell you that it’s out of ignorance and fear. (And, I can't help it, it’s also out of stupidity)

I sat in a meeting yesterday with several government officials where we had to identify the major challenges we face in successfully treating young people and pregnant women with HIV...would you believe one of the major challenges was stigma and disclosure? And then we had to make an "Action Plan" (These were government folks you see...)

I said, "This is so huge...its something that has to change on a societal level...how do we do that?" It seems like a drop in the overflowing bucket. Its like saying "Oh there are 20 million orphans in Africa- we brought home 2." What good is that in the big picture?

I once took care of a sweet little girl. A funny little girl. She had AIDS. The full blown kind, that you hardly see in the US in kids anymore. She was so sick. There were no medicines to help her. She was dying from the day that I met her and died when she was nearly 3 years old. I held this little girl for hours upon hours at night- we would rock and sing and I would pat her arm. She had a horrible patch of shingles on her arm that just got worse and worse over time. It was always bandaged and hurt so much. She liked it when I would pat her arm (really hard). It deflected the pain in a way that made it slightly more bearable. She could barely eat due to the thrush in her mouth. This, too, hurts like you cannot imagine. She had diarrhea constantly and sores on her bottom that made it unbearable. She loved to be worn on her mommy's back in the backpack and walk around the Christmas Tree farm where we lived. She loved birthdays and ketchup and Santa. She loved the song "Rainbow Connection". She also loved the song, "And I will raise you up on eagles wings". She never was able to walk well independently. For a little while she used a walker and then she started deteriorating. I remember that there was a new drug, DDI, but she was too sick to qualify for the drug treatment trials.

This breaks my heart more than anything. She was too sick to be able to get a new drug that may have brought her more months or years of life. Someone made up the rules and said that this little girl had no more choices left. And I think back and with what I know now...what we all know now- she would not only be alive today but would be thriving- this little 2 year old- our little Tina- would be 18 years old. She would be graduating from High School or quite possibly in college. She would likely be in love, and because she was so beautiful and so sweet and funny- someone would be in love with her right back.

She died in 1991. In April. Right after Easter. I buried Tina. Literally. It was a warm day in Northern California, near the coast, and she was being buried near the chapel at the Christmas tree farm. They asked me to bury her because they did not want just anyone to do it. It had to be someone who loved Tina and whom Tina loved. So I had to prepare her grave. Help to lower her tiny casket into the hole and then fill the hole with dirt. It took me all day. I will never ever forget this.

This is why my heart breaks when I hear that the agency that I chose to help me bring my own sons home from Ethiopia will not help to bring home a child with HIV...... And I am truly not being dramatic here when I say that they have blood on their hands. Because HIV care in Ethiopia is much like HIV care was in Northern California in 1991 and these children that CWA and other agencies are leaving behind don't stand half a chance. And someone has to pay for other people's ignorance and prejudice and fear and LAZINESS...but why should that person be an innocent child?

Here is my Tina. She never lets me forget.

Christina "Tina", May 16, 1988 - April 9, 1991

ps Why are they lazy? Because they will not take the time to educate themselves and their staff about the disease and about how wonderful adoption can be for thse children and how to manage the minute differences between this type of adoption and the adoptions of children with other diseases like TB, Hep B, Diabetes, CP, and others.

The Barr Family Tells Their Story

2006-11-12T21:46:00.000-07:00

Click on the link to the article below and you can read our story in our neighborhood paper, "The Stapleton Front Porch". Our story starts on the front page and then moves to Page 7 where you can find us sitting on our own "Front Porch".

Stapleton Front Porch

Boo!

2006-11-04T21:28:00.000-07:00

I love Lucy, A Chicken, The Statue of Liberty, Elmo, and A Black Eyed Pea

Trick or Treating Chicken

The big girls are sorting candy with Elmo

Yabsera won an award for the "Best Food Costume!"

Maren went on a field trip on the 30th to a Pumpkin Patch- he came home with a pumpkin and he was so proud of it. "Mommy it was the BIGGEST one!" He had no problem with the fact that it was green and slightly mushy. It was adorable. He thought carving pumpkins was so much fun- I have not seen him get that into something new in awhile. He just LOVED it. Maddie (13) said, "Oh you can scoop out all my seeds if you want." And he did...she was so happy to not have to get goopy and he was so happy that he was the expert seed scooper in the family.

Which came first the chicken or the egg...I often think about our adoption that these boys were born before I ever knew I was bringing them home and that is pretty cool. God is good.

The Black Eyed Pea and the Black "I'ed" Pi...and yes I did make fun of my husband's costume.... :)

Yabsera starting to walk...we hoped he would walk by Halloween and even though his first steps were weeks ago he still preferred to crawl- well the week before Halloween he just started toddling around. It's a pretty cute bow-legged stagger. I like to give him all sorts of nicknames like "Sargent fatty pants" and "Sargent Stinky Pants" and my favorite is "Sargent Fuzzy head!"

Pretending to sleep.....

Maren and his teacher at the School Parade!

Video About Orphans in Ethiopia

2006-10-30T16:36:00.000-07:00

This video has some footage of Haregewoin Teferra, founder and executive director of Atetegeb Worku Metasebiya Woleji Alba Hitsanet Merja Mahiber AWMWAHM (Atetegeb Worku Memorial Orphans Support Association). Haregewoin is the woman that the wonderful book, "There is No Me Without You" by Melissa Fay Greene is about.

How to Help

"Why snow all messy? Why snow all over road?"

2006-10-24T17:49:00.000-06:00

Last week we had our first snowfall in Denver (which by the way has more sunny days than San Diego or Miami! and its not that cold here!) Anyway- it was Maren's first snowfall and he was amazed. He played in it for hours and came in and he was just freezing! It took forever for his hands and feet to warm up. He kept looking out the window and saying, "MOM!!!!! A-LOOK! (left over from "Ayo!" which means "look!" in Amharic) Why all messy- snow- all over car? Car ALL MESSYYYYYY! Why?" I tried to explain it was snow- which is like rain only colder..."But MOM! Why no snow ETHIOPIA!!!!????!!!" I explained that it’s not that cold where he lived. He kept asking over and over about the snow- he and his big brother made a very tall and very cool snow dude. And the way he rides a scooter we are pretty sure he will be an amazing snowboarder...I know Mark is so excited to take him skiing.

That same day we had a visit from a man named Behailu. (It was also HIS first time seeing snow- he thought it was "very Beautiful!") He worked for CWA, our adoption agency- in Addis. He was the man who took us to the embassy appt and we really enjoyed talking to him. He is on a 6 month Visa here and is doing some teaching and preaching and ministering. He left Denver last week for Utah and hopes to travel around a bit. It was interesting to see him and Maren interacting. He was so happy to see both boys and can't believe how much they have changed- but watching Maren- at first- regress and shout and wiggle- begin to talk to him, "Why Dagne not here? Want to go to Addis." Behailu would say, "Ok lets go- to Addis!" And Maren would smile- he knows we are not going back anytime soon- but its one of his favorite games and so the fact that this man he only knew in Addis was here in his house and was playing it with him made him so happy. He also loved showing off that he was allowed to eat with fancy plates and glasses...he wanted Behailu to notice that. And Behailu said, "You are privileged...do you know that?" Maren just smiled. On some level he knows what he has that is different- but he is also very defensive of his country and his culture- as he should be. Last night he did not want to finish super- which is unusual- and one of the big kids commented that in Ethiopia he might not have food. He emphatically stated, "Yes, in Ethiopia me have food. There is food in Ethiopia yes!" And its good that his recent memory would be that of having three meals a day at the CWA care center- that is the food he remembers most- though he does remember eating potatoes and Corn and chicken in Sodo where he came from. Below is a photo of Behailu and the kids (minus Cal who had just stepped on a tack!)

Hi HO HI HO

2006-10-11T22:25:00.000-06:00

Off to work I go.........

We celebrated Yabsera's first birthday the same week I was back to work full time. Everyone at my job was wonderful and sweet to me. But I was pretty miserable. Then today, I saw two of my favorite patients. It was a true blessing to see them- and also I have gotten phone calls from families who are so happy to have me back and that is so nice. But even though I am usually a huge cry baby (I am known as the person who always cries at goodbyes etc.) I am pretty good about not doing it in front of patients- and let me tell you that is not always easy- you try telling someone that their precious baby has HIV- NOT EASY!

Anyway- this darling girl I care for came in today- She was diagnosed when she was three. This was a huge blow to her adoptive mom and her family. You can imagine. It was heart breaking. Anyway- she is now 8...and she grew a lot while I was out...I drew her blood and she was so brave and it wasn't always that way- and then I had to give her this shot...she started to cry when it was over and I just looked at her and I started to cry too. Now this little girl is about as smart as they come- really- amazingly intelligent- and she just looked at me ...and I said, "I am crying sweet pea because I am so proud of you and how well you just did!" and she thought about that and then said, "Yeah, I only tried to pull away because a body doesn't like to be poked." I said, "Yeah, its a natural thing to pull away when you are going to get hurt." And she looked at me and smiled so big.

Her mom of course knew I was crying because I really care about her daughter. And she also knew it was because I was away from my boys. She said, "I know how hard this is for you. I remember..but now we have something in common...adoption." I had not thought of that. But the patient I saw yesterday has some really tough issues and I spoke with her mom about regression and she said, "That is the one thing that has made sense to me all day." I only knew to even mention it because of my kids and the adoption. Her daughter was adopted as an infant and is now 12 and is having a very hard time taking her HIV meds. I said that maybe she has regressed and really need her mom to do all the meds for awhile- take all of the pressure off of her for awhile...you be the mommy and act like she is little again when it comes to taking her HIV medications. They are going to try it. Pray that it works.

We went to a Family Fall Festival this weekend which was hosted by one of the families who adopted form Ethiopia this summer. So we got to see several of our Colorado Ethiopian Adoption friends. We had a great time! Here is Maren who loved the hay rides.

And Yabsera who enjoyed chewing on apples and watching his big brother and sisters try and win the three legged races and the pie eating contests...

So far so good...our nanny, who is from Ethiopia, is so sweet and patient. She loved the boys and Maren has broken her in and has had two great days in a row...she brings them Ethiopian food...and talks in sweet Amharic phrases...what’s not to love? (Except she is not mommy! :) )

Melissa Fay Greene's Book

2006-10-02T16:49:00.000-06:00

I was able to get my hands on Melissa Fay Greene's new book a few days ago and have loved reading it. Having just been in Ethiopia I can really picture everything- can hear the rain on the tin roof and see the faces that appear in the story. I have updated my blog list on Amazon.com list of books about Ethiopian Adoption to include this one right at the top of the list. And she is coming to Denver on November 29th. We hope to have our Ethiopian adoption group host her prior to the event! After hearing the original date was cancelled we kind of went crazy emailing the Tattered Cover in protest. We are so excited to meet her and celebrate her new book and latest adoption.

Emily's list of great books related to Ethiopian Adoption

The Tattered Cover Bookstore

The Rocky Mountain Ethiopian Adoption Group Click Here to Join!

The Video of Our Trip to Sodo

2006-09-29T17:15:00.000-06:00

Here is the video of our drive to Sodo. The quality is not that great because you have to make it a pretty small file size to use You Tube- but I did not know how else to do it. There is nice music that goes along so turn your volume on.

And here is a short slideshow of the day we met the boys in Addis. Again- sorry about the quality. It starts with us at the airport and then travelling through London and finally at the guest house in Addis meeting our boys.

One of Those Days...

2006-09-28T20:50:00.000-06:00

I have been having one of those days...really its been like this all week. Part of the reason I have felt kind of crummy is that I go back to work on Monday. I have a wonderful job and work with wonderful people.

My Clinic

And I adore my patients and families. It is where God sent me and called me to work many many years ago. But I am still sad- I would love to be home more with my children- But again- this is where He wants me right now, so I am working hard to say , "Ok God- use me...you gave me more than my hearts desire- with this incredible husband and these 5 amazing children- I can do this."

I have spent a lot of time reflecting on many things over the past 4 months- one of them is family- How important my own siblings are to me as I have watched the relationships of the new kids in our family develop...I find myself wondering how this relationship will grow over time.

I am very close with my sister, Jill. She is one of the coolest mom's around. Her kids are wonderful and are a true testament to her attitude towards parenting. She is patient, she listens, she laughs, she cries, she is fun and she is a teacher. She and I are the bookends in my family- here we are laughing during a blackout in Rochester, NY this summer. We try and call each other every day- we don't talk- we leave messages- she calls on her way to work- and leaves a message- this is at about 5:00AM my time. I then listen to her message on my way to work (8:00 AM) and call her and leave a message. Then on her way home from work she listens to me and then calls and leaves me a message...or not- because sometimes I leave 5 messages and she does not have time to talk herself! :) This way we stay in close touch about what is happening. We started this a few years ago and it’s amazing we have kept it up- but we are very close because of it. Sometimes a long time will go by without us actually having a conversation- but our ongoing conversation is great because we have to listen to each other before we can but in. This is especially good for me- known for butting in.

This next photo is of the top of my brother's head. He and I are only 15 months apart. He is a great big brother. We shared a room growing up and I love him dearly. He lives in NYC and here he is with his baby boy- his next baby is due in November. He is one of the most giving and compassionate people I know. Creative. Smart. and Funny. I think God gave us each other. I came about in kind of in a surprise kind of way- though my mother would never admit that- she always says, "I always wanted 4 kids- 2 boys and 2 girls!" But I think God thought...this little guy is going to need someone to be little with and to giggle with and to fight with when he is a teenager...and to love him when he is an adult. And of course I have always needed him. So we have always had each other.

This last picture is of my other older brother. Uncle Gordy. The other day Phoebe said, "If something happens to you and Daddy what happens to us?" I said, "You would go and live with Aunt Jill and be near Aunt Sharon and Grandma and Poppa and Marilyn." She replied, "No I want to live with Uncle Gordy." He is so much fun and incredibly funny- the one who can make us all laugh until we cry. Here he is a few years ago with the classic pull my finger joke- just perfect for Cal who was about 7 at the time. I just love that picture of Cal because its shoes how I feel when I am around my brother. He is loyal and strong and goes to God in ways I can really learn from.

So, this week has brought about a lot of feelings- of family and work. And when I think about my family history - all of the difficult things and all of the good things...I would not change that- or take it away- the stories we have lived as a family have shaped us into who we are today...a midwife, an actor, a writer, a teacher, a mother, a father...and many of our issues go way back- far into the depths of our early childhood. But we know that history. We can try and understand why we feel the way we feel today. My little boys from Ethiopia have those stories too- they have that history- but they will not be able to rely on that to help them understand why they feel sad at certain times...why when Maren is punished sometimes he cries- and sometimes he just gets really quiet- punishingly quiet.

There are families in Ethiopia who are choosing adoption for their children- Mothers of 2, 3, 4, and 5 children- walking them to a place - being videotaped or photographed- saying they want something better for their kids, saying they want their kids to go to America and then come back and care for them. They can't possibly understand all of the implications of this choice they are making- especially if we don't. But in all of the poorest and most destitute communities of the world- people will give their children and their wives to prostitution to have bread at the next meal...then sending a child to America has got to be a million times better than the alternative...starve...hard work...prostitution...HIV...So, why can I not get the thought out of my head that these parents are giving up the one thing that is the most meaningful in their lives...and that their grief over the loss might quite possibly be insurmountable? Could this choice be the very death of them? And what is it doing to the children? Do these parents understand what adoption means? What it means to quite possibly never see their child again? And please don't get me wrong. I am not judging the people who make this plan for their children. I understand that they live in a world so unlike ours...a world where my little boy never owned a single pair of shoes...and came into care wearing a large tattered piece of cloth- no pants- and too weak to walk...so I am not saying that people shouldn't be allowed to make this choice. I just want to be sure they are able to talk about it, think about it, digest it and that hopefully- God willing- they are offered a way out. How can we help you do this on your own?

My husband's family is in their 4th generation of living in Malawi. His dad was born there- his grandparents went there in the 1930's. His cousins started a program called KINDLE orphan outreach in response to the devastating orphan crisis in Malwai. The program is designed first and foremost to provide food, medical care and water so that families can keep their children. They knew when they started the program that ultimately they would probably have to start an orphanage. But they have not done that yet. Instead they have managed to keep families intact through their mission.

Kindle Orphan Outreach

So...what will the documentary look like in 20 or 30 years that my little filmmaker will make of his journey and the journey of a generation of Ethiopian children- some of whom left family behind- some who left against their will. I can imagine that film. And that is what has been making me think all week. I am praying for agencies out there to be cautious. To stop and evaluate their plans on a regular basis. To be present in the country they are working with. To maintain information on the birth families for the children who have family in Ethiopia. Yes, there is an immediacy of saving a life, but there is also that life to think about. Think long term. Do things to help this child...not just right now...not just today...but help this child succeed and flourish to be successful and happy adults...and slow down. God has given you a gift and the gift is a gift to children and the gift is a gift to the families. Take good care of God's gift.

Yabsera Then and Now

2006-09-25T00:13:00.000-06:00

Here is Yabsera around the time of his referral- Last March. We liked how he was holding his own sign. What we did not notice was his little extra pinky finger- we saw it later in another photo. He was holding a purple rattle and I was studying the photo late one night and saw something extra with the rattle...and then I looked back and sure enough- there is was.

My friend Maureen was visiting with him when she went to get her kids- - even she did not notice this extra finger- and she is holding his hands. I love this picture because Maureen is in it- we are very close and yet we have never met in person- but she has met my youngest two kids and our kids shared a home and nannies. Our 7 year olds share a birthday and our 9-year-old son's share a name and our oldest daughters were born within a month of each other. We were pregnant at the same time for all of our pregnancies, we were at the same St. Patrick’s Day Parade in Savannah GA in 1992, and we met through CWA- our adoption agency- because we were sending our dossiers in at the same time- we got our referrals on the same day. Our court dates were 4 days apart and our sons share the same given name. But we have never met- but these are her hands holding my youngest child's hands.

Here is Mark- this is when we first met Yabsera- our relationship is just minutes old in this photo- we were in the bedroom of our guest house just the 4 of us- Mark and I and Maren and Yabsera. It was very nice. And also a bit strange. :)
This is how Yabsera looked the day we got to keep him forever- the embassy day. May 30, 2006. Sitting up with the help of a few pillows. Later at the embassy I would forget he needed pillows and sit him up and then while trying to catch Maren who was running around - Yabsera would fall and cry so loud and everyone in the room would wonder who on earth would ever give me a home study that said I could adopt anyone!
Here he is in his favorite room- the bathroom- he loves the bath, the faucets, the TOILET!!! He stuck his hand in the toilet just 24 hours after he had his hand surgery- not pretty. I have cropped out his cute behind for privacy sake! :)
This is Yabsera's big brother, Cal. He is 9 years older than Yabsera- that is how much older my sister Jill is than me. I love my sister so much and we are very close- I know that Cal and Yabsera will always be close- because Cal can Make Yabsera smile no matter what! Cal likes to wrestle Yabsera and this freaks me out- but Yabsera loves it. This is the day that Yabsera had his hand surgery- he had general and was asleep and did very well- all the nurses and doctors remarked at how "good" and "sweet" he was the whole morning. Then he was loopy on the medicine for the rest of the day- which made us giggle.

Here he is just the other day. He and Maren were finger painting. I wanted to get hand and foot prints for their memory boxes. It was messy and I probably shouldn't have tried it alone- there was paint everywhere. And I couldn't contain one child while I cleaned up the other. But they had fun and I got my footprint and hand prints!

Yabsera is starting to take steps! He finds this fun- but since he can crawl so fast- he is not that interested in walking to get from point A to point B yet- he likes it only for show right now- but it won't be long.

Yabsera's birthday is very soon. He will be 1. We think he is probably already one and will try and change his birthdate when we readopt him to reflect this. Sometimes we wonder if he is 1, or 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, or 42.

Soon it will be easier for me to answer when people ask how old he is- I will say he is 1...I will try hard not to correct myself and over explain why he may not be what I am saying he is. That has been hard for me- I think when he turns 1 - then he is 1...and that will be that.

The Many Faces of Maren

2006-09-19T15:06:00.000-06:00

Here is our older son. We adopted him from Ethiopia through CWA in May 2006. He is very dramatic, as you can see, and the other day we decided to put together a bunch of his funny pictures- these are not even close to all of them - there are a lot...OK...I can't for the life of me get the captions to line up next to the pictures...so it will have to be like a game- you try and match the caption to the photo!

Here are some of the very first referral photos we got. He was looking very serious. but then we came across a cute one where he is being playful. This is the maren we now know. Not that he can't be serious in a photo- he especially likes to do that when we ask him to "smile!"

Here is when I first met the boys- I was so sleep deprived and we had arrived just 20 minutes earlier. they asked- "when do you want to meet the boys?" Where my husband replied, "As soon as possible!" And I am thinking...hmmmm...shower? Nap? Ok Ok! The boys!!! :)

Here he is playing in the closet at the Guest house...he loved playing in there and also under the bed!

Another early photo of Maren playing at the guest house...the other day he said to me, "Mommy...I love that big house in Addis- where we met." He really liked it there- he loved the people there.

This was taken on our lovely trip to Sodo...see the post "To Sodo with Love" for more pictures- this was the highlight of our trip and Maren still talks about it- just today he played that he was "Going to Sodo!" with his cars.

Here is Maren's favorite cousin. She went off to college this fall and he talks about "Carolyn College!" He insists she will come to his birthday party...but they live very far away...

Maren and his big sister...the other drama queen in the family.

This is one of my favorites. Its Maren asleep on the stairs. he was taking a nap...woke up...got this far and fell back asleep.

The worlds silliest and messiest eater award goes to.....many of our silly pictures are of chewed food in his mouth...I don't mean to take the shot- but he opens his mouth at the last minute.

One of the clues we had that our little guy was not three years old. His amazing ability to ride a scooter- teaching himself - almost overnight- he is really such a show off on it- can do it one footed for long stretches of sidewalk.

And even playing in the sand becomes a show....

He loves dressing up...he is mildly obssessed with the idea of Halloween. I got an Elmo costume at a tag sale and we can't get him to take it off.

And this was his first haircut in the U.S. He acted like he had never had one before....

Here he is right after his first haircut...

One of the pictures when we said, "Smile!" this is what he did....

He had a lot of fun with this thing...

One of the best pictures- Maren and his favorite human on the planet!!!

Maren got to interview Elmo on TV at the Children's Museum in Rochester NY.

Eating Thai food is almost as fun as eating Injera!

Maren loves his CD player...he is on his 2nd one...

How he re enacted eating his first dorito for mom.

And of course...the irish dancing wig must be tried on....

Summer all gone bye bye

2006-08-25T14:51:00.001-06:00

The kids have all started school. Except the baby of course. Maren- our 3 1/2 year old aged a couple of years in one morning- a week ago we took him to the dentist and lo and behold he has big kid teeth- he is actually between 5 and 7 years old. This really threw us for a loop. We knew the ages were probably off- but when they are off by that much it can really turn your world upside down. Not in a bad way- just in the way you perceive things...for instance- he was not wanting to nap every day- well he probably doesn't always need one- and when he acts out- do I give him a 3 minute time out or a 6 minute time out? :) More importantly, we were trying to get him into the 3 year old ece program at our neighborhood school- but when he is probably going to end up with an age of 5 do we do kindergarten? or shoot in the middle with the 4 year old class? We ended up late Friday afternoon getting him into the 4 year old class. He was very nervous- he said, "No School, Maren Scared." He was very nervous about it- but frankly I was pretty much a wreck about it myself- constantly questioning whether I was doing the right thing. He has done very well this week..he says, "Mommy, everybody sing 'ABCD, LMNOP, HIJK' but Maren Quiet..." but yesterday, I picked him up and he said, "Maren sing 'ABCD, LMNOP, HIJK...with everybody!"

On Sunday we hosted this enormous gathering of local families who are adopting from Ethiopia. It was an amazing event with 90+ RSVPs. Our courtyard was full of families - many Ethiopian Children and the pastor from the local Ethiopian Evangelical Church. We ad Ethiopian Food and we made some American fare for the kids- I should have taken a picture of the food at the end of the day- the Ethiopian food was wiped clean and there was a TON of the Ziti and Mac and cheese left over! :)

We figure by next summer the picnic will have to be at a local park or something it will be so huge. Mark said it will be like the AIDS Quilt- back in the fall of 1992 we were volunteers for the

Names Quilt

when it was displayed on the Mall in Washington DC- and that was supposed to be the last time they ever thought it could all be displayed in one location again...it had grown too big...and that was 1992. They showed it in its entirety one last time in 1996.

The Names Quilt in 1996

Just think if we made a quilt piece for all of the people in the world who die each day of HIV/AIDS- an estimated 9,000 people die each day- what that would mean is every 4 days we would have a quilt the size of the one displayed in Washington D.C. in 1996!

In 1992, the year Mark and I worked at the quilt in D.C., the year we were married, there was a reported 23,000 deaths due to HIV/AIDS in the US alone- that was about 64 people a day...but at that time we had no idea what was happening in respect to this disease half way around the world. No idea. And in the next few years, the number of orphans in Africa threatens to reach 20 million. A number so big- it’s hard to even begin to wrap your head around it. But you can wrap your arms very easily around a single child. And depending on how many arms you have in your family....

The Dog Days of Summer are Dwindling

2006-08-14T17:06:00.000-06:00

School starts here in Denver in one week- so there is one week of summer left with 5 kids- but this week is filled with dentist appointments, dermatology appointments, Yabsera's surgery to remove his extra finger and other events. So I feel a bit melancholy that the summer- the only summer I have ever been home with all my kids is about to end. And I guess I feel that I wish we had done more- it seems whenever we tried to do certain things something backfired and we were not able. So many days I was left feeling a bit frustrated. And of course it was not what I had imagined- but what is? Our trip to Rochester was probably the highlight. We never did get to go camping and we love camping. We did just spend a weekend with Mark's Office in the mountains and that was nice in its own way. All 7 of us stuffed in a hotel room could have been recipe for disaster but it was actually fun- we got a movie on the TV and bought snacks and watched a movie together- the two little ones slept.But it all worked out. Maren is talking so much- most people can't believe he has only been home two months. He is even starting to refer to himself as "I". So usually the conversation will go something like this:
"Maren do you see the horse?"
"Horse Maren I see you no" (which means, "no I don't see the horse” If he sees it he says, "Horse Maren I see you")
But now we can catch him saying, "I see you no Horse" which is closer to correct. He keeps telling us stories from Ethiopia- these are hard to understand because there are more hand motions and grunts and usually an Ethiopian (either Amharic or Wolitan) word thrown in there somewhere that we don't understand. He now refers to himself with his "American" name even in stories from Ethiopia - which we find odd- he has completely taken on the new name to the point where he talks as if it was always his name. Maren is his usual dramatic self!I have been working on my DVD which covers the trip we took to Sodo and he LOVES to watch this and talks about the women who cared for him way back in February. We are trying to piece together what little we know of his life for him- but it’s hard because we have some conflicting stories and the time line is a bit odd. I think they it might make sense that we think he might be older- because he has talked about when the cow hurt him how his Mommy helped him- but his Mommy should have been gone by then...unless, and its entirely possible- this was a new mommy...an Auntie or Granny. I still plan to post again more about the Sodo trip due to popular demand and because many families are not able to make the trip.

Finally, we are hosting our "End Summer Colorado Ethiopian Adoption Picnic" this coming weekend. We have 76 RSVPs! But our house is small- so pray for good weather. It should be a lot of fun and I look forward to seeing all of the growing families! Since Last January we have at least a dozen new kiddos home from Ethiopia! Say "Hi" to my bookends...my teenager and my baby! (and he is wearing her overalls! but since he is busting out of them we figured we had better take a picture...)

Giardia, Campylobactor and Polydactyly

2006-08-02T13:17:00.000-06:00

This was a post I never completed - I was trying to gather as much info on infectious diseases that kids may come home with from Ethiopia- and since I actually gathered so much info...I never actually posted it here! I will pot here the list of things families have said that their kids have come home with from our CWA Care center- many of these kids at the time had come from the Sodo, Wolaita region of Ethiopia which is in the SouthWestern region.

here is the list:

Giardia
Campylocator
tinnea capitus
iodamoeba butschlii
blastocystic hominis
ringworm
lice
scabies
Chronic Hep B infection
Active TB
inactive TB
other stool parasites
Chronic Diarrhea
Malabsorbtion issues
failure to thrive
malnutrition- refeeding issues
Upper respitory infections including Bronchitis, ear infections and the common cold
Staph infections of the skin
skin lesions with superimposed infections
Scars related to past trauma including treatment by traditional healers, burns (both accidental and purposeful), and abuse
Hives- or allergic reactions
Urticaria Pigmatosa. The individual spots are called Mastocytoma
Milk allergies
abscesses
fungal infections of the toe nails Verses trauma of the nail beds
Emotional and attachment issues
female cicumcision

If you smile at me I will understand...

2006-07-19T11:03:00.000-06:00

"If you smile at me I will understand
'Cause that is something
Everybody everywhere does in the same language"
Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young

My husband and I just went and saw CSNY in concert at the out door red rocks amphitheatre. At one point one band member commented that we were lucky- I thought- wow is that ever true. We are so blessed to live in such a beautiful place and have wonderful friends- like the woman who offered to watch our 5 kids that night so we could see the concert. The last time we saw CSNY was in 1991 in San Francisco. I originally titled this post "Ayo! Ayo!" because that is what Maren shouts all day long- I wanted to comment on language and communication. As he knows more English we hear more Amharic and Wolitan...he also acts out more stories. I remember when we first met the boys- I had learned how to say "Beautiful Child" "Kon Jo Lej" and I was so nervous but tried to say it and all of the Ethiopians were smiling and laughing and happy that I was trying to speak their language. Later- a few days later- I heard Maren say it- we were looking at a photo of him and he said, "Kon Jo Lej" It was then that I knew he had understood me that day and probably how important it was to him to meet these strangers and have them try to say something sweet and loving that he could understand.

Maren is a loud child. We have heard this is common coming from orphanages in Ethiopia...I wonder if its common from all orphanages or just Ethiopia. We say that he has no sense of voice modulation- and his favorite thing to yell "Ayo!" which means "Look!" but as I type this he is actually yelling "Look Maddie Look LOOK LOOK LOOK" it’s a sign that he is losing his language. He was fluent in two languages when he came to us. And now he is learning his third. He can communicate really well with us now, and the more comfortable he feels with English the more he tries to tell us in Amharic or Wolitan. He also is fond of singing. He sings a lot in his other languages- that we will miss when he no longer is able to do that. He has a great voice....and he sings in prayer and shouts Halleluiah! I am sure he learned that at the CWA care center. As I have mentioned, he has a lot of scars and just the other day wanted to tell me how he got one of the scars- I mentioned this before- but I wanted to tell the story again- he acted out a cow butting him with his horns in the leg. He says, "Oomba" for cow. And when we went to this Dairy farm in upstate NY he passionately acted out milking a cow and drinking the milk for us. It was clearly something he really knew about first hand.

So just a few minutes ago I was showing him a photo of a man from Ethiopia and he said Ashango, and said, "Look" and went and got a potato and started acting out picking potatoes. He then said, "Look" again and ran and got a little toy- a small music box with a handle and swung it between his legs like he was digging in the dirt and planting or digging up potatoes. He really wanted us to know this story. And then he made our daughter Maddie (below) be a cow- on all fours- "Maddie- Cow- like this!" and he started demonstrating something with a pencil and the cow's behind. We actually videotaped the whole potato planting reenactment, as well as the odd cow thing- because we are hoping he will acquire enough language soon to be able to share his memories with us before he looses them. He still loves to look at the photos of his caregivers and the friends form the orphanage- but now he actually says their name and tries to tell us something about them. I hope we can get some of these stories into our brains before they leave his brain. We know one day he will want to know so much more than we will ever be able to give him. So his precious stories are like gold for his emotional future.

And then there are words he has completely made up- but we all use, like for Ice Cream, Maren says, "Icesogood" now we all say "Icesogood" like that is what we have always called it. The other day Cal asked me, "Why does he call Ice Cream 'Icesogood'?" I said, my guess was that the first time he had it with Daddy and Phoebe and Cal that they all kept saying "Maren- its Ice cream and it's so good!" and Daddy probably said it so many times that he thought the name for "Ice cream" was "Icesogood" He actually has an amazing ability to repeat what you say exactly- without error- so why can't he say "Ice Cream"? I think he probably can- but this is how he said it and then we started saying it this way. He does this with a few other things like water is "watis" and Phoebe is "peebee" but he can say his "f" sounds and he can say "armadillo" and "hellohowareyou". Lots of phrases are made into one long word- and said loudly over and over again.
"IcesogoodIcesogood!! Ayo! Icesogood!"

Our Family Trip

2006-07-18T01:00:00.000-06:00

I wanted to post a few photos from our family trip to New York. We are back in Colorado and are excited about getting together this Saturday with folks adopting from Ethiopia and who have already brought children home from all over Colorado.
It was great to see the family and Maren and Yabsera loved seeing their cousins and meeting their Aunts and Uncles and Grandma's and Poppa...they even met their great great grandma! We saw cows at a Dairy Farm (Aunt Kathy's), we went to an amusement park, we got ice cream (Custard!), swam a lot, has a big 4th of July Party and almost missed the fireworks, we went on merry-go-rounds, caught frogs and toads, did a piñata, played and played, saw the midnight opener of "The Pirates of the Caribbean", ate way too much, sang, danced, went to my 20th High School Reunion, celebrated my oldest's 13th birthday, drove to Syracuse to see the family who inspired our Ethiopian Adoption, they have 12 kids, 5 bio, one from china and 6 from Ethiopia- they home school and are amazing, while there we visited the house we lived in for 4 years and the place where Phoebe Darling- my baby girl, was born...we did so much and saw so many many good friends...all the while Maren was saying "Where Daddy go? Bye bye airplane?" He was sad without his Daddy and the day before we left I told him that tomorrow - he would wake up and we would get on a plane and we would fly to Colorado and see Daddy- so all day it was "Tomorrow, Maren Bye bye Airplane Colorado Daddy!" You can imagine how truly upset he was when the first plane landed in Dallas and I had to break it to him there was one more plane. He really melted down and went into "Helen Keller" mode- I call it this because he just looses it and partly I think its the inability to really communicate what is going on in his little head. When safely back in Denver with Daddy and Max- he finally told me how he got the scar on his leg- I think this is the real story because I was saying something else= that I clearly misunderstood and he corrected me. He said, "Oomba" and then acted out a cow butting his head into his though. WE know that Oomba is how he says Cow- its not the amharic word for cow in the phraseboook we have - so it might be woliatan- but we know its his worked for cow. he did the pantomime well. I wonder how old he was when it happened if he remembers it- its a pretty big scar in his thigh. He has many scars. I have more to tell about the day we came home- but here are some pics from New York!
This is us greeting the family at the airport!

These are some pictures form the Water Park- we went to a huge water park in Colorado today and all the kids had so much fun. Its true that Maren is somewhat obsessed with water as I have heard other Ethiopian adoptees are. Today we had to throw away all of our water because they were not in factory sealed containers and this really threw Maren for a loop- he was suddenly frantically parched and NEEDED the water right away! This is grandma and cousin Carolyn- they loved meeting the boys.

These are all the cousins on both my side of the family and Mark's side- we have a new cousin joining us in November.

I have more photos in a folder on my desktop to post - but it's late so I will sleep and try and post a few more tomorrow.

Trust in God, but Tie up Your Camel

2006-07-12T08:57:00.000-06:00

Haggai 2:9
9 'The glory of this present house will be greater than the glory of the former house,' says the LORD Almighty. 'And in this place I will grant peace,' declares the LORD Almighty."

I know 5 families traveling right now and who had their embassy dates yesterday. I have known most of these families through most of our own journey to adopt from Ethiopia. Its been great to get updates from them and hear about meeting their children. I am even more excited that two of the families are from Denver and they will collectively bring home 4 Ethiopian children. These are kids I will hopefully get to know (2 of them I met when I was there!) over time and so will my children.

But I find myself this week thinking about my experience and some of the wonderful things about it and also some of the difficult things.

I found that I am still really saddened by the seemingly abrupt decision by my agency to close the doors of the home that our children were living in before they came to us. And how it was presented to us.

That as each family who goes and picks up their children misses seeing the center and the love for the children in the center- they will not have the photos for their children's memory books and that continuity- that bridge between their old life and their new life.

So, I sit and wait and wonder what this all means for me and what it means for future families of CWA and also for the families who will choose other agencies because of this and mostly for the kids. I also worry that other agencies may start doing the same thing and it is what makes adopting from Ethiopia so wonderful and unique. The love of the children. The ability to know something of their past- to have experiences with their caregivers that are meaningful and true. I read a blog recently where the mom and dad ended up keeping the Ethiopian names of their twin boys. they actually tried to change them but they could not make the new name stick- and the way the mother on this bog wrote about the caregivers in the orphanage who named her boys was just beautiful. Every family you talk to has these kinds of stories.

I was at our friend's house yesterday. They have 12 kids- 6 from Ethiopia. She was talking about how its done with her agency- the consistency in how a child learns about their family and how a child meets their family and how they have the goodbye party and how all the kids anticipate this event - this all normalizes what is happening for all of the the kids- they see families come and then friends go with the families- it makes it easier and more normal when their time comes. A child meets their new parents in the place they feel the most safe. the parents can ask the caregivers for helpful information on caring for their child- their likes and dislikes. They don't do this in all the other countries - but its the way it should be done and the fact that its the way it is done in Ethiopia is beautiful and one of the reasons we chose this country. The caregivers being able to meet the family who will take the child they have loved and adored is so important- frankly they go through repeated trauma loving and saying goodbye to children. They need the closure. They need to know who we are, like we want to know who they are. We want to be able to tell our chidden, "This is the woman who loved you- she told me you were a sweet baby who always smiled." That will mean millions to our kids as they grow. They deserve it and the caregivers deserve it and we should expect nothing less as families going through this costly (financially and emotionally) process.

I have edited this part of the blog, because it was mostly some private thoughts on Christianity that I have been processing. If you read it before I edited it I would love to hear your comments.

This is not about my agency. This is about me, and how I am processing some of the experiences I have had. This is about how I feel that I still need to come to some peace about these experiences and learn form them.

Blind faith is saved for my God.

My oldest will be 13 this weekend. When she was 2 1/2 she had to undergo open heart surgery. Our pediatrician was a wonderful man and a great doctor. We met with him before the surgery so we could just talk. He was an older man, we lived in New Haven, Connecticut, he was an Orthodox Jewish man. There was a large community of Orthodox Jews in new Haven. He knew that we were Christians and we would sometimes talk about religion and faith and of course this was a time when that came up and he said to us, "You know there is an old saying, 'Trust in God but tie up your camel.'" He said this in response to me saying that I was worried about my daughter and should I be questioning a well known pediatric Cardiothoracic surgeon? Do I have the right as a parent to ask questions? Can I get other opinions? I mean if this guy is the best doesn't that mean he knows best?" This was his response. Put your faith in God, but take care of those people and things around you. God gives us that responsibilty as parents to care for and raise our children for Him.

So where does this go from here? I don't know- but I can tell you it will go somewhere. God never puts things on my heart lightly. There is a purpose for all of this pondering.

Maybe the first thing is knowing exactly what my camel is...for sure its my children and my family. But what else out there has God given me responsibility for? I think I have an idea...

Daddy Bye bye Woof woof...

2006-07-05T23:16:00.000-06:00

This was how I explained to our boy where his Daddy was this morning when he woke up. They have been so bonded since day one and at first - while in ethiopia- I kept dreading getting home and Mark heading to work- what would this little boy who has lived either in this man's arms or on his shoulders for the past two weeks do? But he met the challenge and it was good because he had to come to me for his water, to take him to the potty, for food, to get shoes on...that was all good and important- lest we end up as the chapter in some psychologist's book on attachment disorders in internationally adopted children one day. He also started coming to me for the hugs and the snugling- that was VERY good. But then we came home to NY to see family and he had his Daddy every day again for a week- and now he is gone. He woke up today. "Daddy?" I said, "Daddy bye bye." I said, "He went on a plane...on an airplane...bye bye...but he will be back." (he gets planes, he gets Bye Bye..." He responded, "Maren plane bye bye?" Very hard to explain that we will go back in 10 days and see him and that he still loves him but has to work. How do you say we will go back home? We keep calling this place "Home" and then there is Ethiopia- this kid still talks about our trip to Sodo and Awassa and Shashamene...He still talks about the kids at the care center. This kid is supposed to be about 3 1/2 and many times seems like a solid 4 year old- he understands a lot of what we say and can say so much in two other languages- but this concept of Daddy leaving is broken down to "daddy Bye bye plane" and so I thought about what he knows in Colorado and that is our dog Max. We love how he says "Max"..."Mackes." He makes it two syllables- he does this to names sometimes - it makes them sound much more Ethiopian. So I told him Daddy had to go and be with Max- the dog. He can picture that. So all day its "Daddy, bye bye, Plane Woof woof." At one point Mark called- Maren got on the phone and well... if looks could kill...he was really mad and would listen to Mark intently but would not talk back. He was not happy. But without Daddy this kid swam by himself today and went to sleep without someone laying next to him for an hour...so in some ways he shows a little more independence without his Daddy...but check back with me in 2 or 3 days and see if I have lost my mind. Me doing 5 kids solo is what is really probably worrying this kid- like I said he is a smart guy and knows that I need that Daddy guy as much as him!

First Doritos!

2006-06-24T16:03:00.000-06:00

So yesterday I decide I want to upload the photos I have taken over the last two weeks...the first two weeks home with the boys- and something happens- and I am pretty good with my computer and my camera and I have no idea what happened but I plugged my camera into the computer and my entire memory card erased before the photos were uploaded. I was so sad...what we were missing were all of the firsts.

You know when you have a baby you have the first smile, the first step, the first time peeing on the potty, the first wave bye bye...well we had our own set of firsts...the first swim in the pool- those pictures are gone- the first rainbow- that was so cool and then when I was telling Mark how we had seen the first rainbow- Maren understood and said "daddy Daddy" and then when Mark looked he made his hands go like a bow in the sky and said "Rainbow!" This was several days after we saw the rainbow. He remembered what it was called and everything. We lost the photos of Madeline's and Phoebe’s recital. We lost the first trip to Tiny Town- which was father's day and their first trip to the Rocky Mountains- I was sad about this because the houses are so small and I liked the idea of having photos of them there when they first came and then again in like a year- plus I thought that the CWA staff in Addis would get a kick out of those pictures.

We lost the first Pizza, the time when we got him to say "I Love Pizza!" and the very very very first Popsicle....And the really great father’s day picture of Mark with all the kids at the lake in the mountains...we lost that too. We also lost the really bad photo of me in the mountains- it was a mixed blessing.

And we lost the photos of the first Doritos...I know - some of you are shocked that it took me two weeks to introduce my boys to Doritos...and others are shocked I would ever give them a Dorito in the first place... in any case this was a sacred moment in the Barr house- almost as special as Maren's first glimpse of "the others" on Lost...so we decided we should reenact this.

Those of you who know my family- know we are full of actors and writers- and so it would be fitting that our 3 year old from Ethiopia- only home 2 weeks has already caught on...So without Further ado- here is Maren and the "First Dorito" (Take two...)

Here you can see Maren enjoying his first Dorito...then he hams it up by eating straight form the bowl...then he offers the bowl to Phoebe. Then you can see him make one of his famous faces and Phoebe trying to imitate him.
And finally Yabsera - who always has the best seat in the house.

AHOPE - a must see while in Addis- make room for books, gloves and pain medication!

2006-06-21T16:28:00.000-06:00

This is the main compound-and where the little kids live- the building directly in front of you is the main office. to the left is the kids bedrooms and the living/dining area.

See the bright blue gate at the end of the driveway? That is what the gate looks like from the outside...look for it!

This kind woman gave us the grand tour- she was wonnderful She explained that most of the children are now on Antiretroviral medication and that has increased their need for fund for the food budget. They are caring for nearly 60 HIV positive children. They are looking to exaplns this project and care for kids in the various regions of Ethiopia- basically subsidising a family to care for an HIV positive child in their own home.

This is the nurse I met with- stocking their medications. They need everything they can get because many of these things are expensive in Addis.

This is where they eat- its a long table but I had to crop out th little boy. They spend "most of their time" in this room.

This is a bed- they all look like this- there are about 6 bunk beds in each room. Each child has their own bed.

This is the littel girl receiving her gift in the small schoolroom- it was hard to stay composed while giving her this doll. She looked like I had just handed her a check for a million dollors. I am not exaggerating. that was what giving this girl a doll was like.

While in Addis, I was able to visit AHOPE, which is an orphanage for children with HIV. It as an incredibly moving experience. I actually went three times. I was staying at a guest house which was no more than a 5 minute easy walk to AHOPE and so it was easy to go back after I visited the first time. There are two orphanages. One is for the little kids and one for the older kids. I did not know that the little kid orphanage was actually the “old” Layla house. The little kid orphanage is pretty plain- but there is a big paved area to play in outside and they have this room where they eat and hang out which is nice and cool.

The older kid orphanage- is really nice- it has a few gardens and these little school rooms and the big girls were decorating their “dorm” with some balloons and streamers when I was there.

If you have never been to a developing country you need to know that when I say “nice” its nice by the standards of that country- you do not leave there thinking, “Wow these kids have it made!” You leave there thinking, “What can I do to make this better for these kids?”

Some of the kids have been adopted- its amazing because even a year ago that was a near impossibility. And now more are preparing to go home with families. They have so much hope that the kids will find homes and are so open and accepting- I showed up unannounced with gifts for a child who a good friend of mine and fellow CWA family sponsors- they immediately gave Mark and I the grand tour- the nothing to hide tour- they let us take pictures of the kids with the gifts we had brought from the Qualls. We are not allowed to post them- but only use them privately to thank donors etc…so on my blog I have several cropped photos. It was hard to get any pictures without kids because you would take one and suddenly a child would appear.

I know families have come and done crafts with the kids, taken a few for ice cream, played games, kicked a ball around. I spent a lot of time with the nurse because HIV is my specialty and so we hung out and talked a lot and then played with the cars that were donated.

I wish I had done more and I wish I had brought more for them. I brought MANY MANY things that CWA needed and I am glad I did that because they are new and have needs- but I wish I knew more about what AHOPE needed and had figured out a way to bring more- we barely got through each check point with all of the stuff we had!

The last day I was there , I met with the director, Sidisse. She was really sweet and she wrote down some of their current needs. I will post the list hear. I think any family who wants to see a little bit more of Addis and Ethiopia and how HIV has affected not just the children we are adopting but how it affects the children many of whom will be left behind.

It’s easy to do- even if you have just a few minutes and just want to drop some things off.

Here I what they said they need now: (and this list changes)
1) Gloves- she said they ALWAYS need gloves- bring gloves! even if each family brought one box think how that would help!
2) Materials for kindergarten and school- they are building a library and need books- in English.
a) Easy Coloring books
b) Numbers
c) Letters
d) Colors
e) story books
f) Reading
g) Reading comprehension
h) Math
i) General Knowledge books
j) crayons
h) Any other instructional materials (I just picked up some simple math flashcards to send)
***She showed me some examples and they were the kind of work books you find at target, Wal-Mart, Costco and the grocery store- sticker books, coloring books and activity books
3) Multivitamins
4) Pain reliever (we brought both Motrin and Tylenol (generic is fine!) and they were very happy
5) High calorie food products like Ensure- they sell Carnation instant breakfast at places like Sam’s club and Costco which is similar to ensure but cheaper and some in powder packets

You can also sponsor a child there. AAI requires that when you adopt through them you sponsor a child left behind…it’s a great thing to do for the country where your kids come from!

Here is their website:

AHOPE for Children

And a USA email contact:
Kpolsen@aol.com

To call them while you are there call:
0911606723 if you need directions
you can email them in Ethiopia at:
ahopeethiopia@ethionet.et
or
ahopeethio@yahoo.com

but you can just stop by- after 5 the big kids are back with the little kids- in the AM you will just see the little kids if you go to that campus.

I made the mistake of thinking that everyone brings stuff to AHOPE and they did not need much- I was completely wrong- they need so much and when you go you will see what I mean.

It is probably easier to visit a place like AHOPE without your new kids- but it is possible with them as well. The first Time we went they were with us- but frankly Dagne kept the baby in the car and when we went to the school we also left Maren with him. The last time I went- I went while the kids napped and my husband was home with the kids- since it was so close- I walked there with one of the guest house staff- she went with me. It was great!

Thanks- and let me know if you plan to visit AHOPE- I promised to send pill boxes- I figure if I can send a few with a few families I will get them enough over the next few months….so let me know!

From Sodo with Love Act I

2006-06-16T21:46:00.000-06:00

The countryside as it changed, as we approached the town near where our sons were born.

Sign reads "Welcome to Wolita" The "Welcome to Sodo" sign was a blur

The highlight of our time in Ethiopia was the trip we took to Sodo. We were worried about bringing the boys- we had heard it was a long and rough trip. We knew they had made the trip already once in their short lives...so we left that in God's hands- we decided if it happened and everything fell into place then we would continue- sort of how we have gone through this whole process a lot of faith and trust and baby steps- We asked so many people what they thought an the general consensus among Americans was 'why would you do that?" but the general feeling among Ethiopian's was that we should go, the boys will want to know where they came from and the best way for us to tell them a little bit about it is to go ourselves. I remember one person in Ethiopia saying, "You must go...you need to do it for them." We heard how the children really love to travel in cars and travel really well...and this was so much in God's hands that we did not even call about a driver until Friday afternoon- and we planned on leaving Saturday morning! On top of that I was coming down with some stomach thing...Mark started calling drivers and spoke with several men and compared prices with what they could and could not offer and we ended up with the most amazing man. I went to bed around 5:00 and told Mark I was 'just taking a nap"- famous last words as was down for the count- he had to prepare dinner and care for both kids that evening without me- but I needed that time so I could get up early and prepare for our Departure time of 8:00AM. We knew it was about 6 hours to Sodo.

We got up and packed- we had so much stuff it was pretty funny! the Guest house staff all sent us off with prayer and well wishes- they knew our objective and felt it was a good one...to learn more about where our boys came from.

We started around 8:30am and it was a warm and beautiful Saturday morning- the first part of the trip was winding through and out of Addis - there is only one road out of Addis to the south- so anyone heading anywhere in Ethiopia- or Africa for that matter to the south leaves Addis the same way we did. Our Driver pointed out things to us like the place where the Dutch grow their flowers, the organic strawberry farms, the old Army training camp, the prison, and more Dutch flower farms - the next time you buy those Tulips from your kids school sale- they may be coming from just south of Addis!

It was a great drive- it started out fairly brown and dry...a lot of cactus - they use the cactus like fences. And many of the tukul homes. We had lunch in Shashimene and our driver pointed out where "the Americans" lives- which is where the Rastafarians have a compound. For lunch we ate some traditional Ethiopian food- injera and Tibs- Since my belly was still achy I had potatoes. Maren loved it.

We were getting excited as we came to the crossroads where you head west towards Wolaita. This was where so much of the landscape began to change- we saw many large lakes- its amazing how much water there is in Ethiopia- but its not used very effectively. There is this one high point where you can look out and see 5 lakes in one view- its amazing really.

Here it becomes greener, lusher, and hillier. There are mountains and areas of erosion leaving this red clay like dirt in these amazing patterns. It looks man made but it is just from the rains. Along the road you see many children walking, sleeping, playing but mostly working. Many children herding animals- mostly without shoes on the rocky earth. Children gathering water in large jugs which look as if they would be too heavy for me even- if they were full. Bathing, toileting and drinking from the same muddy streams.

As you drive you come across places where they are selling different crops- the first one I remember was corn. they would roast the corn on the side of the road and then sell it to drivers- you could also by fresh unroasted corn. Mark and I love roasting corn when we are camping- so this was tempting.

The it was bananas- the small sweet Kenya bananas and the large fibrous Ethiopian Bananas- the same ones you read about that they cook underground to make food that is like a fermented paste - these bananas coked this way can last 20 years...aged like fine wine!

Information on these bananas and their history in Wolaita

This bunch of Kenyan bananas cost 3 birr.

Every time you stopped the car there were these kids who would appear at your window- no matter where you were- and they wanted money or food- so while the driver was trying to bargain down the price of the large Ethiopian Bananas I was sneaking out the small bananas to the little boys on my side of the car- I would give them a banana and then I would say "Shhhhh!" so they wouldn't tell the driver I was giving away the bananas- so they would eat them so fast!

This is Maren- he ate so many bananas- it was like if we were here in America and stopped at a 7-11 and got snacks but here we snacked an a huge bunch of Kenyan bananas.

I will continue the details of this trip...but here are some photos of Sodo to whet your appetite...These are the main streets of Sodo and the photo of the large crowd is the market- it was HUGE...it was Saturday- Market day and I was just amazed that there we so many people living in this small and extremely poor corner of the world.

We took this because Yabsera is our baby boys name it means "Work of God" or more literally "Work of the Father" Aba meaning "father"

This little boy has a chicken in his hands- he kind of follwoed us but was a bit scared- I offered him a pen and at first he kind of wlked away- but then when he saw other kids taking pens he came back to get one. I guessed he was coming from the Market with a chicken for his family. And the other boy is brining home something else to eat (on his head).

See the large number of people in the distance? This is the Market- it was amazing to see so many people there.

Maren's Vocabulary

2006-06-12T21:10:00.000-06:00

watis = water
mommy
Daddy
Bye bye
shoes
maren (he points at himself and an object to indicate possession)
I love you
How are you
hello
Armadillo
dabo- bread
Buna- coffee
nigh nigh (sleep)
Yabsera
cal
maddie
phoebe
Maxes (Max)
bogoot = cookie or Bisquit
beep beep = car
BIG TRUCK
Woof woof = dog
lots of Amharic
and he can repeat anything you say- literally
He loves to sing- Cal wishes he knew what he was signing
and he understands so much already - today I was getting mad at Cal and asking him to clean up and Maren was just fascinated by watching me get mad and before we knew it he had put away all of the toys and organized all the shoes- exactly the job I was asking Cal to do...and Maren says, "Ayo! (look it! ) Ayo Shoes!" because he is so proud of how nicely he organized the shoes.

He did have one Helen Keller moment in Target- which would have been disturbing if not for the fact that during his minor fit he pulled madeline's tube top down. She (being nearly 13) took the opportunity while we were out f the country to purchase some clothing we never would have allowed her to buy including a tube top - so I have to say I was slightly amused that Maren pulled it down during his fit in the middle of Target- I said, "well that is what you get for wearing at tube top!"

Maren is doing so much better he has toys and siblings to play with and actually listens and doesn't always get really mad when we say "no". and at the doctor when he heard Yabsera really crying he wanted to some in and see what they were doing to him. He is very bonded with his little brother which is very nice.

all is going well...it was my first real day- just me and the kids- and well- it had its moments- but all in all- a good start and I just keep thinking that it will all go so fast and I will be back at work before I know it.

Addiskidan Guest House

2006-06-10T00:00:00.000-06:00

I made a separate Blog for the guest house with photos and more info than you need. Please check it out if you are one of the folks who has asked for more info.
Thanks!!

URL: http://addiskidan.blogspot.com/

Direct link:

Addiskidan Guest House

The road from Addis to Denver

2006-06-08T23:30:00.000-06:00

Here is Maren at the guest house saying goodbye to the nanny who has been with him since the beginning- she started out in Sodo with the children and was moved to Addis to care for the children there. He was shy about letting her hold him at first and just clung to daddy- but he would ask about her during the week "Ama Ejigadu" (Give me Ejigadu) and it was clear that he really thought she was special and vice versa- she worked hard at getting him to let her hold him one last time- but when he did it was very cute- he fed her some cookies. It is an Ethiopian cultural norm to feed each other- even adults do this and a women on the plane explained it is a sign of love and respect and that once you have eaten food fed by another you can never betray them. He said its like, "you would not betray the hand that once fed you." So its pretty cool one of the last things our boy did before leaving his country was to feed the woman who fed him for the last 5 months.

This is Yabsera. We dressed the boys in their traditional Ethiopian shirts to say goodbye to everyone. They left Ethiopia in these shirts. This photo shows Mesfin, the CWA accountant, he was really in love with Yabsera and was really crying saying goodbye. Everyone said "this was his baby." They said he would not start work before spending time with Yabsera. I wrote him a note and also told him he needs to give that kind of attention to another baby now that "his" little guy is going. That his attention has wonderful long term effects and thanked him for loving my baby so much. Yabsera clearly knew and loved this man- he was just giddy when he saw him after a week.
These next two photos are from the airport. They left Ethiopian their traditional Ethiopian shirts and landed in Denver in their traditional American tie dyed tee shirts. Here is Madeline with Yabsera and below is Maren and his new buddies. Yes- yabsera is a chunk- he weighed 19 1/2 pounds when I weighed him on the scale I donated to CWA in Ethiopia!

This was this morning- our kid looked like a typical American tourist- he had on a NYC Tee shirt, a USA Flag baseball cap and Mickey Mouse sneakers. It doesn't take long does it? He loves cars- actually anything with wheels- he is just fascinated. This car was dear Madeline's when she was a baby and has come through 4 moves!

"LOST" in Addis

2006-06-07T22:46:00.000-06:00

This is from an email written before we left Addis….so if reading the blog - this comes before the last post.

We have been successful, by the grace of God, in so many of our goals here- we have traveled and seen so much of this beautiful country and met all sorts of people- just today the boys have had their photos taken with an orthodox priest and a family who lives in a round traditional hut and a beautiful young Ethiopian woman by a lake- we have seen and done more than we could ever imagine and though we are like the "others" we have felt quite like those on flight 815 who have been in the dark for so long- and I felt a bit this weekend like I had met Henry Gale himself. I think I have.

So, to tell you a few things- Maren spends about 30-90 minutes each day crying- usually at nap time- its inconsolable and difficult to listen to- today it happened in the car- our driver who was wonderful understood completely that he is a child who has come from a place where no one consoled him (I don't mean at CWA (they have been wonderful to him Thank God- I mean before he came to CWA) Please pray for his little spirit and mind to let us comfort him when he feels that way and say a few extra prayers that he does not have this crying jag on the airplane- he is so full of life and is so funny and he has been saying "I love you" since day 2 but I think he understood it this weekend- he would say ILOVEYOU and then kiss us or smile adoringly-

He loves to eat and we are amazed at his dexterity with injera and traditional Ethiopian food- but he always insists on sharing the last few bites.

Yabsera continues to be a good-natured fellow and did cry for quite some time at the hotel last night (while travelling)- he knows its not home and was tired from a long day of traveling.

We saw the most beautiful people and countryside this weekend- but I kept remarking how many people there are everywhere!! if you go into the countryside in usa you see no one- here its amazing how many poeple there are and the fact that the children who are so very very young are on there own- girls as young as 4 are carrying babies on their backs while fetching water with three or so other children between 3 and 7- this is a common site- kids doing hard hard hard manual labor everywhere- and no adults in site- We have many many photos so the boys will have wonderful life books from where they come from.

Ethiopia is a country where children are just cherished- so many strangers have come up and taken Yabsera to hold him and kiss him- and well- they actually spit on you when they are showing affection- so that has been a bit unusual- but no problem...he does seem to know me because he only lets people hold him for a short time and then reached out for me- an example of how much they cherish the kids is that our driver took Maren to the bathroom and it was not #1 - now these are poeple who love children.

our guest house is incredible and we feel like family there- you should have seen their faces when we all arrived safely home tonight...they are helping Maren and mark and I to communicate we are learning Amharic as he learns English.

Maren can say "maddiecalphoebe" but he says it like its one long Ethiopian word.

We just visited layla house and I was able to give the letters to our friend’s kids and I cried- I think visiting these other orphanages has made me a little sad because I cannot visit my own. I think they will change the new rules- but not until I leave and it breaks my heart- but with all I saw and did this weekend- I feel I have learned so much about this country and culture and will share more details when I return.

Please pray for health, for Maren that he adjusts to the plane and rests and does not get upset easily on the plane and pray for Mark and I that we feel rested.

for our kids:
This is the part I wish you had gotten the other night- I miss you guys so much- I can't even tell you- i wish you were here and I know you are going to love these guys- we do have a bit of a Helen Keller on ours hands- but one who can talk and learns very fast- and knowing where he came from-I can tell you that he is a true survivor as someone was watching over him until he came into care with cwa and then to us.

I hope baseball has gone well, and that Phoebe is getting lots of cuddles and that maddie is loving the time away from me nagging her constantly.

Susan and Carol and Kimberly and Luana and everyone else who has helped with the kids- we can't thank you enough!!!! we miss them but know they are in many many good hands.

We love you !!!
Mar, Em, Maren and Yabsera

"Maren, were not in Sodo anymore"

2006-06-07T22:25:00.000-06:00

Home.
Sweet.
Home.

as we drove into our neighborhood with the boys for the first time I said, "Maren this is America" because that is what they are told- you are going to America! and he said, "Sodo." just like that- "Sodo" he said it again- Sodo is the town where he was born. So I said, "Maren- we're not in Sodo anymore" knowing that the reference to Oz was lost on all but a few in the car. Since Maren's Arrival to 2341 Alton Street- he has been outside basically leading the neighborhood children in a lively parade...pushing a stroller with a stuffed beagle in it, trying the scooter, stealing the soccer balls and putting them in the stroller- and teaching the kids all of his favorite words...we now use many Amharic words to communicate- because of staying at the guest house and having translators everywhere- we know much of his most commonly used words- we always say the Amharic word and the English word...one of his favorite things to do is recite the names of the other children and the caregivers in the orphanage- its almost like he is trying to make sure he remembers them all...he will often start chanting over an over to himself- sometimes intelligible words or phrases and sometimes they are words we know- one of our favorites is "Ebeneezerebeneezerebenneezer" a friend from his orphanage who will go home with his family soon. He was doing it tonight listing the names and then gets stuck on Ebneezer- he says it really really fast- its adorable- Shelley- I need pictures of him for Maren! :)

The plane ride went fairly well- a few meltdowns that were short lived- but would cause a panic among the flight attendants- his cries are loud and pretty painful to hear---but he really did well.

Yabsera seemed to enjoy the trip- until we got home when he just crashed from all of the attention.

We arrived to an airport full of children- our children and the children of the three families who have been watching our kids- its was the best thing for our kids to be greeted by this enormous gaggle of kids 12 in all. Then we came home and found that members of our church had come into our house and cleaned and organized and put together the baby stuff- you see we had the new high chair and pack and play etc- but all was still sitting in boxes in the garage...and we starting painting last fall- the living room- but never finished- our pastor came in and found the paint and finished this- I think in finding the paint saw our garage and so the VBS staff who is working hard with kids all morning and prepping all evening came and cleaned the garage and the basement and got everything ready- these are college students from North Carolina- we have never met these people- but will tomorrow when I bring the kids to VBS...so to come home to such a welcome surprise was so nice- we had my favorite dessert waiting in the fridge and food glorious food from several friends and even a woman I have never met! :)

You all know my family lives far- but they were hear in spirit- Maren's first cell phone call "hello Poppa Hello...I love you!" He later talked to Grandma (Doris) and Aunt Jill- and hopefully tomorrow we can reach Marilyn the unreachable! :)

Maren is just in heaven with all of these kids and this huge courtyard to play in- and he has never seen so many stuffed animals and kept appearing with new ones stolen from Cal or Phoebe's beds...he likes Frogs...and is scared of snakes- we gave a way a book we had with us because there was a snake on one page and when you got to the snake he would scream and shut the book so fast you had to watch out for your fingers.

keep him and yabsera in your prayers- we are so thankful we had the "family" at the guesthouse- they were really our midwives in all of this and I feel that I got the homebirth after all- I feel that even though I was not allowed in their foster home- I had this wonderful group of people who really carried us through this process- they taught us what Maren's common phrases in amharic were and helped Maren and Yabsera to know and trust and love us...the people that God put in place for this journey for us to ease our "labor" were all incredible and there is no way to repay them- but they all feel that just knowing that these two little guys will grow up with us and not on the streets of Sodo is thanks enough for them. And we were able to meet and talk with many of the staff who knew and loved the boys- we had a tearful goodbye (at the guest house) and they shared a lot with us about how these guys affected their lives. I tried to explain that what they do with the kids for the short time they have them here in Ethiopia in CWA's care- has lifetime effects and how important their work is. I think they really got that.

We will visit the doctor on Friday and start the tune up- they both have medical issues that need to be addressed- nothing unexpected- the usual suspects- and one extra finger which is freaking out some kids and fascinating others- we will have to part with that! Mark asked me while in Addis is there was such things as a "finger fairy"- his horrible sense of humor is still intact after this long trip.

Glad to be back in Kansas.

Visiting AHOPE (this is an email from Thursday June 1)

2006-06-04T19:21:00.000-06:00

We are here at the Ghion hotel for dinner. Its
Thursday night. Today we went to AHOPE - this is the HIV
orphanage. It was the most incredible experience and I
was very moved - this is from the person who has been
caring for kids with HIV since 1990 and I have been
to HIV orphanages in romania and south africa. I was
so - well can't explain - its important not to lose
it sitting in this internet cafe. DAGNE called and
asked what we wanted to do today - we said please take
us to AHOPE. We got the grand tour and took many
photos. I then went to the older children campus and
met Kalkidan - Lisa Qualls sponsors her. We brought her
gifts and it was so beautiful and moving I can't even
tell you. Part of my sadness was not being able to do
the same for the kids at CWA- that is the foster home
Maren and Yabesera came from. We are no longer allowed
to visit - and though they may reconsider this decision
very soon- it wil not be decided until after we leave
and we are still very sad about it. Being able to
see AHOPE and not the CWA home is heartbreaking - but
Dagne has been so wonderful I can't even tell you. He
is the man in charge over here - we have only met two
other staff, the driver and his assistant and I cannot
say enough wonderful things about them. I will tell
you more when we get home because there is so much I
can say that I have no time to say it here. For
instance today - bringing us to ahope and then at the
end of a busy day bringing Maren to the doctor (at
Dange's request) for a rash on his head. He cannot get
enough of our children an often insists on holding the
baby...
The guest house - its so wonderful - again more
later but for instance today we were hanging out in the
afternon and Kidist said " coee ceremony?" and I siad
sure. It was beautiful (our 3rd) and the best is
watching Maren "bona" and drinks the coffee too...he
is teaching us Amharic and we are teaching him
English. This kid is amazing at what he can say - we
think he probably is really three - and trilingual...he
already says so much in english and because the ladies
at the guesthouse speak his language they interpret
for us and its been so nice. Yabsera is the happy
baby that everyone gushes over and when he cries they
all come running because what does a faranji like me
know about taking care of a beautiful ethiopian baby!
:) Not really. They are actually so wonderful - tonight
we are eating traditional ethiopian food and watching
some dancing...tomorrow we will go get their visas and
I will return to ahope at their request to talk with
their nurse and check out the kids. That pleases me a
great deal- and Heidi i got a new photo of joanis (sp?)
i took several - and many of the kids in kalkidans
class.
So many stories to tell - please pray for health and
pray for rest. We are tired all the time...and also for
Maren. Today he was sad at points very sad and he said
this morning "ama eshigadu". That means I want
"eshgadue". This is the nanny that has been with him
since he came to the home...Dange will probably bring
her to us so we can meet and they can say good bye. That
will make us all cry I am sure - its his old mama...

Cal, maddie, phoebe- we miss you and cannot call
easily. We love you all so much and can't wait to
bring you back here one day to visit with us. Today
Maren learned all of your names and can point to your
pictures and say your names...you will love these
guys so much--kiss kiss. Yabsera is crying - got to go.
i love you all
em and mark and maren and yabsera